>_< Let's Get Ranty.

So I try to keep this blog fairly informative. It seems like it's going over the humor side of things. This is probably all the hours reading through cracked articles, but none the less sometimes I don't even know why I bother trying to find a good voice for this blog. I mean it IS called Random-osity. So it should have whatever I freaking feel like typing up! AND YOU KNOW WHAT? You're gonna listen.. or read! So for now let's get a little ranty. I promise you will enjoy it.

Let's start with a story. I'm at a friends surprise party. Alcohol was present. Good times were had. No big deal. Early on I found out the host of the party was known for having parents take away keys for those who would take part in the consumption of alcoholic beverages. With this being said I knew the following:

1. I was going to drink.
2. I was going to go home.

No big deal. Pretty easy to follow, yes? So the party happens and the drinks were consumed, and things continue on when it starts getting to be that time where I have to go home. Luckily for me, I was still in the possession of my keys and I was told not to drive home until I "sobered up." Excuse me for one second as I toot my own horn.

Nazis made it look so easy.

I can hold my alcohol. I don't go around bragging about it to everyone though. It's a peeve of mine for people to accuse me of being drunk when I just get a little more social, which is the case when I drink.There have been only a few times in my life where I shouldn't have consumed the necessary amount. Most of the times I wasn't driving, and not even allowed to drive due to being pretty young. It's going to take more that a couple shots of vodka, ~3-4 failed black and blues and a couple bottles of beer to take me down (which is what I had consumed at the party). Let's continue.

I wanted to go home. I had to go home. There were fun and exciting things waiting for me there, and also I had work in the morning. It was only 10ish (the party had started at around 3) and I had already been sober for hours. Of course the host was having none of it. So as I exited the hot tub (oh btw there was a hot tub), I went to change my clothes downstairs and I left. No goodbyes. Just *poof gone. The hosts' parents were out to dinner. So I wasn't going to deal with having permission to leave. The days go by and finally I get a "good talking to" about how I shouldn't have done what I've done and I partially ruined parents trust blah blah blah. Let's start the rant.

You're 19. You can barely get through 2 drinks without being on the floor, without throwing food at someone, without making yourself look like an idiot. Before I continue on, I'll play your hand for a sec. That's what I like to do. So when I was "getting my ass handed" by your soap box lecture I was really seeing it from your perspective and I meant what I said when I stood there, in the drizzle saying "I understand" with an honest - all be it sarcastic - tone of voice. If I were to host a party, top priority is to make sure people have a place to go, and can be safe afterward. That's just being a good host. Whether or not parents are involved is another rant. Either way, I appreciate the concern for my well-being. Let's continue.

I'm 23. An adult, who can clearly take care of himself much better than you do, judging by the bleak future of unemployment this country has set up for you. Stated earlier, I can hold my alcohol. You are in no position to accuse me of being drunk and scold me for being irresponsible. You are not qualified to talk to me like that. I know my limits, I know what I can and can not do. I'm on that Hinduism "my body, my temple" type shit. If I say I'm ok to drive, let me go and let me handle the repercussions myself. I'm not your responsibility after I leave, regardless whether you know or not. Next time you want to scold me for driving around "drunk," take a good look at yourself around the sauce. Trust me, you look terrible.

Actually, this is a pretty accurate representation.

If you were to get anything out of this, I would say yes - it was rude to leave without saying goodbye or without your knowing. If I had to stand there trying to convince the goddess of alcohol and all things responsible to let me go, I would've been late for work. That's a fancy way of saying it'd take all night. Because it would. Because you're terrible. This may just be me also, but I feel that you and I haven't been getting along. I don't know what I did to upset you, but if you've got it out for me then it's probably high time for us to just not be friends anymore, or at least take it out on the court. I've been trying to. LOL

/rant

ta ta kids

>_< Errday I'm Stumbling

I made myself a nice cup of hot peppermint mocha. I sat down here at my desk and I just... felt the urge to write something. Whether or not it's my subconscious trying to make it seem like I'm actually doing real work is a whole 'nother story. As I sip on through my mocha, all business style, I stumbledUpon some interesting things. I will continue to describe the interesting ones as I go along. Trust me. This will be a good series. Much better than Something to Type About. Without the puns. Ok with the puns... maybe. I just love a good pun.

Pictured: Pun

1. An image that reads: "It's not that I don't believe in love, I'm a very strong believer in it actually, I'm just deathly terrified that it won't believe in me."
• Preaching to the choir kid. Love has always been such a touchy subject for those I feel who have been really hurt by it. Those who have not, aren't moved by quotes like the ones above. They just don't understand. I can't decide whether or not to envy them, or to feel sorry for them. Love and the hurt that comes with it is an experience I feel everyone should have at least once.
2. Khloe Kardashian is going to host X-Factor.
• To be honest there was some other name in there that just doesn't matter because I need a mini rant about the KKK (that's the Kardashians: Kim, Khloe, and Kal'el son of Krypton). I'm not a fan. The fact that their media attention started solely on a sex tape, and continued to grow because society just loves to watch people fail is... impressive. We love to hate them, and people for some reason just love to love them. You have to give them credit, they milk our society bone dry, and in the process have become marketing and media geniuses. Still hate them though. Except Kal-El. He's pretty cool.

  

  So cool.

  
3. StumbleUpon crashed. See? Isn't this exciting?
4. .gif of Honey Boo Boo's mom flailing around.
• The fact that I even know who Honey Boo Boo is now is an absolute travesty to our soceity. We're talking the lowest of the low tier of forced media based entertainment here. I get that they're an interesting family because they're home planet refuses to take them back, but I don't want my children to grow up in a world aspiring to be... well this:




Just look at that snout.


5. Music Playing condoms.
• according to the article, some dudes in Sweden have implanted a mini loudspeaker and motion sensor on the condoms upper cuff. The volume varies based on the intensity of the session. And the sound varies on the emotional intimacy. So if I were to have it, "All by Myself" would be playing on max volume.
6. Man tried to pay $137 expired inspection tickets with origami folded pig dollars in donut boxes.
• The description itself was amusing to type out. Theres a video on YouTube if you'd like to search it, but it ended in the poor guy having to unfold his bills to pay it because it would take too long for the workers to do it themselves.. some "time is money" bs. Let's do a half and half opinion on this bad boy, because I like to do that. On the one hand, what this guy did in a statement to all "pigs" everywhere is pretty ballsy, and awesome. I think there is a real problem with our officers sometimes and they need a good slap in the face. On the other hand, allowing workers trudge along their work for something you FAILED to do is just downright unfair. I'm recalling an incident where one person decided to pay his tow fine in pennies, brought along some lawyer to justify that it's legal tender and they had to take it. I'm not exactly sure how this is different (besides the blatant mockery of officers everywhere) but the Judge on his trial stated "if I let him get away with it, this kind of thing would happen all the time." If the ticket wasn't your fault then by all means go for it. In this case, just keep your car inspected. Pranks like these just... aren't kosher. OMGWTFHAHAHAHAAHAHROFLROFLROFL.
7. A man walks into a bar and asks for a drink of water. The bartender thinks for a minute, pulls out a gun and points it at him. That man says "thank you" and walks out.
• It's a brain teaser. The guy has hiccups. I was never good at these, but there are plenty more on the site that I'm just not willing to go through.

Well that took me till lunch. Which turned out to be an awesome time killer. Don't get me wrong I was actually doing work sometimes. This was just something on the off chance I had a few more pages to stumble. It got my writing juices squeezed too. Wonderful. Let's do it again sometime.

ta ta kids.

>_< Silver Spoons

Here's a fact: some people are blessed with a good upbringing. Others are not. Some have had the opportunities to be financially stable and therefore had an easier time growing up. Others have not. Some people could take full advantage of the educational system offered in the good 'ol USA. Some can not. Finally, some people despise those who are fortunate. Are those people right to? Maybe. Though they really should try to get the whole story first before being so quick to judge, because you'll just end up looking like the jolly green giant. Except you're jealous. Jealous green giant. Lettuce green giant. I don't know where this is going.

What a jerk.

The common phrase for those who are born a little more than just well off are said to be "born with a silver spoon (in his/her mouth)." Implying of course the spoon is primarily used in the mouth. Silver back then was apparently a sign of wealth, and if you could afford to eat with silver spoons (or be fed by them) you might as well be suckling the teat of the Gods. Drink up that delicious nectar. I don't know why everyone is beating around the bushes, let's just call this group of people spoiled. No spoons involved. We'll keep the silver though. We need those. For werewolves.

Die demon!

If you haven't guessed already, I've struck up a conversation with that same co-worker referred to a couple of posts ago. Another hot topic that's brought up between our different upbringings. I grew up in a well-off (NOT RICH) town in Jersey, while he spent most of his childhood in Southern Ohio. Yes, it was very different, but I'm not one to brag about how well I was brought up. He and I got to know each other on this basis, and I guess it didn't really seem to bother him until one day a co-worker and I were discussing some physical chemistry and he happened to listen upon it. (You should know that he only has an Associates Degree). He had mentioned how he was never taught, and somehow it spiraled into this whole rant about pride. A quick disclaimer: I reserve the right to my own opinions, but will never discourage you about the pride you carry.

Let's get one thing straight. Everyone is or has the opportunity to be better at something than you, and they have a right to. The way this rant went seemed to me like he was justifying his life for not growing up as well off as I or my other co-worker did. He would go on to say how he could win in a fight, how he's seen death, mocking society by belittling them - and consequently us - through his devout faith in Christianity (I may have used some words wrong in that), all in all he was defending his pride because I was walking around with a degree and he spent his life gaining experience in all the wrong places. By the tone of his voice, you could tell that he was starting to get a little irate just staring at us. Then I just had to say it.

"Listen, don't be mad because our parents worked hard to give us the life we fell into."

Yes, Shaniqua. I'm pretty sure I did.

I'm sure he was steaming mad, but it just got the job done. He stopped talking and we did our best to try and change the subject. It's become a bad environment for the workplace. That's when I got to thinking about writing this blog.

We all grow up in different ways. Like I said previously, I'm not one to discourage you about how you were brought up, good or bad. What matters is that you take pride in taking the best out of the situation you were given. Case in point: both my other co-worker and I had hard working parents in order to provide us with a stable life, environment, and education. How do we act? We finish college, and get a job. The Ohio native, had experienced terrible things, but worked up the power to give himself an associates, move out to NJ, get married and have the life his parents couldn't give him. Wonderful! Good endings for both parties. However...

If you think for one second you're better than me or the world because of what you went through, you're wrong. Dead wrong. What you've been through doesn't entitle you to be bitter towards me for "being born with a silver spoon." Sure my life may have been easier than yours, but I still worked hard to get where I am today. The steps you take to get to where you are should be something you take pride in, not something you can use to prove you're better. At the end, we're all in the same office, working for the same company. Salary? That's for another day.

>_< Office Tensions

So now that all the interns are done and gone back to whatever ivy league school they came from (those pretentious butt holes walk around like they're better then everyone else, and they don't even work here permanently), it was just about the best news ever when I found out I was going to have my office to myself. Generally, I feel the best work environment doesn't involve shared offices. Everyone needs their space, and with society already up your butt judging everything you do, I believe that being at work entitles you to some alone time.

Just me and this bad boy. All alone.

Those were the good days. Then my whole world started to crumble because I knew the day was approaching. A new office mate. Like I said, I DID know about it, I was just hoping that the day would come sooner rather than later. Now I have no problems with having an office mate, but I believe this one may give birth to loads of problems in the long run. First off, before we shared offices, she would be in the office right next to mine. When she came in as a new hire (as a contract employee... not permanent like I'm going to be), it was all well and good. As the days go, I guess we both start to notice the degree of work we both have. Recently, all I've been doing is preparing slides after slides in power point so we have something to show for a meeting that's actually going to happen in about a half an hour. Since her employment here, however, I've seen her running around, making catalysts, getting messy, etc etc... which to be perfectly honest, gets me a little jealous. Though now that I think about it, I've heard around here that making catalysts is just like cooking in a kitchen... heck I'm looking at one of those fancy stand-up mixers you find in a white-mans house. And it all makes sense now...


That better be something I can eat when you're done with it.

I'm getting off topic here. Basically she and I have both noticed that I guess maybe one of us works a little harder for their money. And I can tell you it doesn't seem like me right now. This is what I assume is going through her head because since our first introductions, she's been nothing but a real harcore B up in here. Why, just this morning I have the kindness in my heart to say "good morning" and she responds with a very zombie like "hi." Not even a good morning back. Well you know what? I take it back. Hope your morning is terrible. And you know what else? I don't appreciate your tone of voice.

Look. It's not my fault you got stuck with the job that I may or may not have applied for also. But clearly you were the better candidate for this type of work. It's not like I'm not working. Those power points (I'm counting upwards of 15 of them now) were really hard to do. They're really time consuming and they take up most of my day. My back starts to hurt so I stretch once in awhile, my eyes get tired so I try to get some zZz's every couple of hours. Heck, even my ears get tired so I HAVE to put on Pandora and listen to music while I work. Its a tough life. Don't be so selfish.


Pictured: Female me at work. (Also not in a kitchen)

 ___________________________________

As a side note, I was google searching images and I happen to come across a creepy one of who I believe is Marie Curie.



BRAIIIIIIIIINS. Also Radium.



>_< My Christianity vs. Evolution

STOP RIGHT THERE. If you all think for a second that this is going to be some controversial post explaining my beliefs and disbelief... then you might be right. But just a little. I really just want to talk out of my butt for a few paragraphs because a co-worker and I struck up a conversation about said topic. Here's some background information about my co-worker, without giving too much away. His social security number is 147-85-4251. That is all. Seriously though, he used to live in southern Ohio, and he came from a pretty terrible upbringing (at least that what I get out of it from the stories he told me). Regardless, my co-worker "found Jesus and God" and really turned his life around, and he's now in the handful of some of the hard workers I see in this company. When I say he found Jesus... he FOUND Jesus.


Pretty sure he's the one riding a horse.

What I'm getting at here is that he's a pretty devout Christian. We would always talk about hot topics and although he's got a pretty reserved opinion, you can tell all he wants to do is preach and preach. So we got to talking about evolution. So before I give his opinion, which you can probably figure out by now, let me give you my explanation.

I'm a Christian. When I was younger I went to Church frequently, and as I got older, less and less. Needless to say, I was what I'd like to call a "holiday christian." I only show up for the holidays. That's not to say that I don't believe in a higher power somewhere. I carry some Christian beliefs with me, and it's these things combined with my morals that allow me to do good, and flaw me to do that not so good. But I digress. You should also know that I was raised under the interest of science, more so than Christianity. So my beliefs are actually completely towards evolution and not creation. Though I do take into account everything the Bible says, to me they are just nice stories to listen to about the man upstairs doing great work. So that's me in a nutshell, and then some.

We actually got into this topic because I had brought up the Fibonacci sequence, and how it applies to fauna. We have this running joke about how he would always bring Him into this, and he did just that stating something along the lines of "and all this is just a coincidence right?" Pretty condescending if you ask me. Either way we shared a laugh about bringing Him into it again and then we got into this whole thing on evolution. This is where he really took the preachyness to a new level. Now I wish I had typed this up sooner, so I can regurgitate exactly what he was saying, but I'll just paraphrase. Everything from this point on that quotes what he says ISN'T word for word, but it gets the same point across.

He asked "if evolution is so great, then why did we crawl out of the water and lose our gills? we need gills." This of course implying that we (just we, and not every other species) crawled out of the water.
My answer: We found land, which became more desirable to live on because there are more things that are useful up there to us. We no longer needed gills. Or bodies cant handle the pressures or deep water nor can our skin handle constant exposure to water. Raisin fingers!

He stated "i don't see a dog evolving into a cat"
My answer: *facepalm

Though the results would be marvelous.

Then for some reason he started hinting that he actually did believe in some kind of evolution.

He said: "Yea I believe that when the ark came, two monkeys walked out and eventually evolved into humans."
My answer: HOW CAN YOU BEGIN TO BELIEVE IN EVOLUTION AND START REFERENCING NOAH'S ARK?

At this point I was already kind of steaming, and lucky for me another co-worker came over to ask a question. I'm not here to bash on anyones beliefs, even though I imply that my frustration to his answers really got me worked up. And it did. People are entitled to what they want to believe in. I'm not going to sit there and argue about whats wrong or right, when someone truly believes one thing is right. As long as it isn't fact of anything. Something like evolution starts to get blurry because science can only go so far back. That's where religion can take over and start making up stories (based on real life witness?) Sorry for being condescending but I'm a firm believer of fact rather than fiction. I take science very seriously and I use my religion to shape who I am as a person in terms of right and wrong. It's nice to believe that someone out there is always looking out for us, and promising good or bad times after we die. Also it's pretty sweet to think that one man can abracadabra universes, people, creatures, etc. Seems pretty douchey though to start us off so primitive.


"How else would you learn about boobies and stuff?"

Thanks, Bro Jesus.