>_< The Pills

So recently I came across this picture on Instagram. Not really sure how long its been around but for some reason I sat there and thought about it way more than anyone should. During my whole thought process though, I decided I wanted to take these notes down somewhere, and what better way than to blog about it? Take a moment to read the above diagrams, though I'm going to put their blurbs during the discussions. Did the answer come easy to you? Maybe I can talk your way out of a couple pills. First, I should lay down some ground rules. The descriptions themselves are pretty good, and if there are ways to exploit them, I'll probably rule it out. I'll hold special boundaries for each pill if necessary. No loop holes. I will throw down, however, that conditions given by the pill are assumed to be automatically controllable - no learning curve needed. For example: the yellow pill can read minds. Once you take it, you can control which minds to read, and not drive yourself crazy with the voices that pass through kind of like Mel Gibson in What Women Want. Yes, it's a dated example but it's good enough. Want a better one? Fine. The green pill makes you fly. No flying into buildings like baby superman. Full control. Capiche? As a final introduction thought, let's remember the quote "with great power comes great responsibility." Anyway let's begin.

Yellow  Pill
Gives you the ability to read any thoughts inside a 100m radius, can only use 5 times a day for a maximum of 30 minutes.

Is it the 3 of clubs?

Special Boundaries: Can be used on the same person. User's responsibility to keep track of 30 min time limit. 100 METERS not miles. (Metric FTW)

This pill came close to the top pick for me. While reading minds a la Professor X or Jean Grey seems like a dream come true, there are in so many ways - depicted so many times - how this can also be a curse. People are weird. People are scary. To be able to read minds, a majority of those I assume to be the minds of those who are closest to you, is probably something you'll regret sooner rather than later. We have our own inner thoughts for a reason, to keep them away from other people, to prevent emotional pain or other wise. What sweetens this deal is the limitations. 100 meters pretty much narrows it down to those you see on a daily bases. I wouldn't really want to go into a strangers mind - unless they were REALLY interesting. Stranger sitting across from the train? No. Stranger sitting across the train rocking back and forth talking to him/herself? Yea I'll take a peek. To be honest, I'd probably use it daily on: a close friend, a coworker, a significant other, a family member, and a stranger. While this pill is fun, a mere sitcoms length of reading minds just wouldn't do me the satisfaction. It can make for a pretty cool party trick though.

Green Pill
Gives you the ability to fly, can only use 3 times a day for a maximum of an hour.

So THIS is what R.Kelly was talking about...

Special Boundaries: Top speed on flying is limited to personal threshold and limitations on the human body. This means no breaking the sound barrier unless time was taken to wear the proper protective equipment. Users responsibility to keep track of usage and one hour limitation.

As I type this post, I'm convinced this is the one for me. In my current lifestyle situation, it would be a GODSEND to use as a form of travel. No more taking the roads, just fly up, and go directly to your location. Saves money on gas, and you'll look good doing it. No wasting time on going sky high and flying over everything. Go just higher than the tallest tree around and casually soar to the destination. I'd assume my personal top speed to be around 100 mph, which is usually what I can handle when I stick my head out the window while driving down the highway. So what normally would be a 10 mile, 30-40 minute commute to work, would be cut down to about less than 10 minutes. Best thing again are the limitations, 3 times a day is good for a commute to work and back, plus an extra for fun times. The one draw back is that if you fly to a destination on your last time up, you better have a way to get back, because you sure as hell ain't flying back. This pill almost requires responsibility and planning, so as not to be abused too much.

Blue Pill
Gives you the ability to master any sport of your choice, but toxins in pill let you live for 10 more years after consumption.

Date rape is not a sport.

Special Boundaries: Since it's YOUR choice, you're able to switch between sports. Being a "master" at a sport does NOT mean being perfect at it, just a little better than the best. Michael Jordan was a master at basketball, but still missed shots. Tiger Woods was a master at golf and sleeping with bitches, but he still missed putts and divorced his wife. So no unlimited 3 pointers, no unlimited holes in one, etc. You get the point. Also, I hate to set this boundary, but it'll probably be limited to your own physical limitation. This will prevent old people making a comeback and also prevent more black people into the NHL. Users responsibility to keep track of 10 year limitation.

This is more of a fun choice. If I were to pick this one, it'd be for completely unselfish reasons. Take it at 18 and spend the next 10 years playing professional sports, get endorsements and sponsors, all for the purpose to leave not only leave a legacy, but to give the money I leave to family and charity, etc. The 10 year limitation coupled with the physical boundary I set for this pill really only gives you the option to take it between the age of early teens to maybe 40 into the 50s. Unless you were really fit, it wouldn't do well to take this pill in the older age spectrum. The fame and fortune along with travel etc. completely dismantles your plan to start a family. The pill doesn't prevent injuries either, so a broken bone will take 3+ months away from your 10 years. Too much liability here.

Orange Pill
Gives you the ability to get high without weed, can only use 4 times a day and lasts for 45 minutes.

Google image searching "your brain on drugs" literally gives you way more pictures of eggs than you expect.

Special Boundaries: Since the pill specifically mentions weed, this pill will only provide the type of high that marijuana gives you. No ecstasy trips, no heroine/meth highs, no shroom hallucinations. I would make the statement about keeping track of the 45 minutes, but let's be honest, you aren't going to when you're high.

Can't really see any appeal to this pill. Give this one to the stoners.

Red Pill
Gives you the ability to access the Internet with your mind, can only use 6 times a day for a maximum of an hour.

This would be your mind. All the time.

Special Boundaries: Pop-ups and ads disabled. You aren't paying anyone to use these services. Internet related capabilities (hacking, web design, etc) are limited to personal knowledge. User is responsible for time limitations and usage.

With just about any device having access to the Internet, I don't find this pill too useful. One of the only situations I find this useful is when your phone dies or you don't have your phone with you. Having access to the Internet is pretty much having all the knowledge in the world, provided that you know how to google search and properly use wikipedia. There was a special boundary I couldn't think to set: the speed of the browsing. Having an hour limitation is great for Google fiber-like speeds, but not so great for those still on that dial-up modem. What should the Internet speed be? Mental limitations? Whichever is available in the area? This pill is still pretty wonky to me, but with the Internet literally being EVERYWHERE anyway, I don't see much point to it. Plus, the above caption pretty much sums up what your mind would be like all the time. You'd waste the hour on memes. Shame.

Pink Pill
Gives you the ability to shape shift into anything. Can only use 2 times a day for a maximum of 2 hours.

Special Boundaries: Shape shifting limited to observable, scientifically proven, existing things. Can not be a dragon, mythical creature, etc. Will retain personal cognitive thinking after shift. This means not being distracted by every single thing when shifting into a dog, unless you yourself are like that. Vocal limitations are in place. You will only bark as a dog, no Disney talking animal stuff. Shape shifting into an inanimate object does not allow manual movement. You turn into a bucket? You're gonna stay there until someone decides to pick your bucket ass up. User is responsible for time limitations and usage.

Watching the .gif up there is a pretty good reason to have this power, though that situation seems unplanned. Another fun pill to pick, though only being able to use it twice a day is probably not enough. Maybe my creative juices aren't working at full power, but I can't seem to find the fun in this one, given the limitations. Most I would do, and don't get creeped out, is turn into a celebrity or general person of interest and just have my way with myself. I'd turn into Channing Tatum and see how much I'm packin. I'd like to know what the fattest/tallest/shortest/smallest/oldest person in the world feels like. Go through all the animals and objects I'm interested in and after I'd just be bored.

Grey Pill
Gives you the ability to make someone love you with a single touch. Can use 10 times in your life. Can turn on/off.

boop.

Special Boundaries: Can control on who to touch. No walking around with gloves like Rogue from X-Men accidentally making people fall in love with you. When touching a person, it becomes their perception of love, not yours. Touching the girl of your dreams just to find out she's a clingy paranoid creep is on you. User is responsible for keeping track of usage.

I'm 25:75 for this one. I would probably spend a few times seeing what the effects were for different people, living out local fantasies. I would never have the opportunity to touch Zooey Deschanel's hand, so obviously it has its drawbacks. The ultimate deal breaker for this pill is living through the love cycle knowing that the love isn't real. Love is a huge topic to be discussed, but in general, this pill could only be appreciated superficially, and wouldn't be something I could use in the long term. I say it's a good pill for a high school or college student to have to live out their fantasies. If you're a single middle aged person desperate for something more, then by all means use it. Just know that all of it came from a pill.

Black Pill
Gives you the ability to see into the future by a maximum of 5 years, can use any time, but using your power publicly causes a lot of hassle to your daily life.

Special Boundaries: All time travel/changing the past effects the future type paradoxes are affected. Too complicated to explain.

I can imagine taking this pill thinking it would be the best, only to cause utter chaos in the long run. I'd find myself checking the future, seeing if something I had done to change it affected the way the future is laid out. They say one change in the past can drastically change the future. It's too much to concern yourself with. If you scan 5 years ahead as a freshman in college to see that you're still unemployed would encourage you to change majors and check again only to see your unhappy then change again and again until you're satisfied with your result. I can't discuss taking this pill without getting lost in my own thoughts. This one is a no no for me.

Final Decision:
I'd still go with the green pill. A majority of the comments under the picture where I had found it agreed. When I initially saw it, I thought maybe it was a stupid choice, but it's probably the safest choice out there. A close second would be yellow, followed by grey then pink. I would dismiss the orange and black pills altogether and would only consider the red and blue pills under certain curious situations. I'm actually a little glad I talked myself through the choices. Internet is fun.

ta ta kids

>_< News You Already Know About

So it's been awhile since I've posted anything up here, and to be honest I haven't had much desire to do so. I tend to forget that part of the reason why I keep this page up is to work on my communication skills and overall writing. As a scientist, there isn't much opportunity to explore yourself through a writing medium. Though I digress. There's been a handful of news lately that I've been dying to talk about. Let's see if I can keep myself entertained...

Reese Witherspoon Arrested for Being Obnoxious

If there was a candidate and an overall pageant for "America's Sweetheart" I think she'd be a good shoe in to win alongside Uncle Sam and the red headed girl from Wendy's... is her name Wendy? Anyway, she (not Wendy) got into a bit of a tussle with the law - her husband was getting arrested for a DUI. She makes the always great decision to butt in during the arrest and eventually gets arrested herself for obstruction. Now this is pretty relatively old news, but it resurfaced again because there was a dash cam video of her altercation with the officer making the arrest. Google is a thing, if you'd like to find it. The whole problem with this story is that she pulls the 'ol "do you know who I am?" spiel on the officer. It probably shouldn't bother more than it does, but I just don't like it when celebrities abuse they're social standing as a means to get away with certain things. They are just normal people at the end of it all. Heck - I bet her mugshot looks just like any other -

nah that's actually pretty hot. She's not even looking at the camera. What a cutie pie. Never mind. She's cool.

High School Students Suspended for "Twerking"

This news is actually pretty new, as of typing this article, so don't be so alarmed if you haven't caught up yet. That's what I'm here for. The gist of it goes like this. Look above these words. See the header for this section? Read it. That's what happened. That probably took way longer to type out than actually telling you about the story. There's even a link to the video. Find it here. I wouldn't be surprised if it was taken down though. The students in the act were suspended (obviously) and weren't allowed to walk at their graduation. The big thing to take away here is your opinion on whether or not the school provided the right punishment. Personally, I believe the school made the right choice. It's around the middle of where the punishment should be. I would LOVE the kids to be expelled, but I also think that suspension doesn't really mean anything to these students. You can tell because a bunch of them WILLINGLY put on some yoga pants, positioned themselves upside down and started air humping while in the presence of a negro in serious need of some swag. 

I believe he's beginning to re-evaluate his life choices.

Suspension to deviants like these will be treated as days off from school. So the addition of taking away their walk in graduation was appropriate. I hope this act of stupidity seriously puts a halt on any dreams and aspirations they have. Another thing to note is that they were only punished because the video was made on school property. Take this kind of crap at home kids.

Also, twerking is a terrible word.

I thought I had one more article to cover here, but I've been in and out of typing this blog so I can't remember what it was. I believe what I've got here is enough for now. It was a good break from blogging and maybe a good start getting back into the swing of things. Until next time.

ta ta kids