Kinda sounds like I'm gonna do some overly done terrible news coverage for 2016, but I'm not really. Just doing some reflecting for this year. So come along for the ride, If you want to.
Big changes this year. A lot of it in retrospect I didn't really see coming, but I'm glad they came. I've had some gains, some losses, pretty much the basic human experience. I'll probably start with the obvious topic. Volleyball, and maybe we'll touch up on my overall health.
Big year for volleyball. It was the first time that a group of us took a trip to the USAV Nationals tournament. For me though, I think this was a little too late for me. I've said multiple times that I'm way past my prime, but I'm doing my best to maintain my status as a "good player." Nationals in Orlando was a good experience. Seeing what's out there was awesome, becasue I've mostly been playing with and against the same people for the better part of 3 years. Seeing how other people play, play types, personalities, physiques, all really interesting. After a shitty time in pool play, we managed to get our shit together and get 2nd in our flight. I believe we could've won it though. The worst thing that came from Nationals is an injury. This injury took me a while to come to terms with, I thought it was something I could rest and recover from - but it seems like this one will be around for the rest of my life. My left knee. I don't know what happened to it and I'm really itching to find out. I can't bear weight on it as much anymore and it's affected the way I jump, as in not as high. That's important. So I've been doing that thing where I've been trying to strengthen the muscles around it to compensate which has gotten it a little better, but no where near where it was. So for 2017 I plan to make sure I assess that injury. It's affected my game in that I've learned to compensate my jump by putting all my energy elsewhere, but I'd really rather fix it instead.
A lot of focus went into Nationals, so our yearly Filipino only NABA tournament took a back seat in terms of training. We haven't won that tournament in 3 years (maybe 4?) and honestly I'm waiting for one more trip to the top before I stop. I think we need to pick up some younger guys and make sure I only play when I need to - but I wanna feel at the top again so I can close that chapter in my life. Good news is they seem to like playing at a venue really close to us, so we save a lot on travel expenses.
With all those volleyball concerns, I've already started to make sure I better myself for 2017. I joined the gym, plan to drop a good amount of weight and hopefully see where I stand for Nationals and NABA 2017. I can already see results in my hitting, I'm finding that I'm swinging harder at the ball. Also my endurance. I can keep up with longer rallies now, even though THERE SHOULDN'T BE ANY RALLY'S AT ALL (I'm looking at you womens volleyball). Anyway, that's where I'm at volleyball wise.
Expanding on some health, I had my first major procedure this year. I went under. And the time leading up to it I had some anxiety that I haven't experienced in a long time. I've always had this slight fear of going under for a surgery. It freaks my out when I can't control my own ability to fall asleep. Part of the reason why I don't take sleep aids. I don't like when something else is telling my body to go to sleep. It's unsettling. Either way, the procedure went well, and my fears about going under had subsided. They load you up with a lot of oxygen which makes you feel GREAT, and before you know it you're asleep and you wake up not having known what just happened. Which on its own right is pretty concerning but hey, you're supposed to be in good hands. Looking forward to solidifying a primary care physician so I can keep a closer eye on my overall health.
I've made new friends. I've lost some old friends. That's life. Through these experiences, I've done a good amount of reflecting on who I am - really deep stuff. I think maybe it's a little overdue but it's good that it came becasue it made me cherish all of the things I have right now in front of me. It's also teaching me how to let go (again) of things that perhaps I took for granted. If there's anything I know now from my past experiences is that time heals all wounds. But I absolutely hate the fact that it does. The process is slow, but it is rewarding. It's time for growth, rebuilding, changing who you are so that you're better suited for when it comes around the next time.
What do I think about what's happening in the world? Honestly, I don't really care becasue I"ve gone over this before - I have no power to change it all. Just gotta take it in. If you really want my opinion though, I think this world has become too sensitive, and it needs to reevaluate itself on its morals. I get that it's a pretty exaggerated statement, but we all need to learn how to "take a joke" once in a while, because all thees bullshit cries of racism, sexism, social justice, etc is just impeding growth and tolerance. I remember there being a story about a costume Disney was selling for the character in Moana being culturally insensitive because it was like pacific islander shaming or some shit like that. Come on people, that's what the character looks like. Get over yourself. Also the new trailer for Cars 3 where it was just Lightening McQueen crashing for like 2 minutes. Too dark for children? Remember when the old guys wife from Up died in the first 10 minutes of the movie? Or when Bing Bong fucking sacrificed himself? Or when all the Toy Story characters where about to be incinerated? Or like when Mufasa dies and Simba is literally crying under the paws of his dad's carcass? Lighten the fuck up people.
So tired of oversensitive pricks getting more of a voice than people who have REAL issues that need to be heard. The way our media covers news needs to change going forward. It's pathetic who they think deserves the spotlight.
Bleh I'm getting too worked up.
For 2017, I'm looking for what I always look for. A happier, healthier life. This could mean changes, this could mean losses and gains. Whatever it means I just want to be around for it.
ta ta kids.
on Thursday, December 8, 2016
Lately I've been doing some self evaluation. Sometimes I think it does the mind good. Looking back at a lot of my lost relationships (even those silly little non romantic kinds), I guess I always tried to convince myself that they were the problem, or the situation was the problem.
But I'm always an advocate of seeing things from multiple perspectives. I've looked at my perspective on them. their perspective on me. The only one I haven't looked at was my perspective... on me. Kinda like a 3rd person view of me. It's a mind blowing experience. Here is my finding. I'm a Manipulator.
I want the collective you to understand. To those who may know me, this may not be a surprise. For me, and this entry had been a draft for quite some time now - it's fairly new. Hours of research, some boozy nights, and self reflection all combine to give you whatever it is you're reading now. But I'm just babbling to try and avoid the point. So let's get to it. Here are some things that all emotional manipulators do, with some comments:
1. They Consistently Diminish Your Feelings
When you tell them, "It hurt me when you said ___," instead of offering a simple genuine apology or asking you to talk about how you felt, they will point out why you're wrong to feel that way and will likely diminish your feelings as being silly and say you're overreacting.
Love it. This is actually classic me. Whether or not my lack of emotions stems from being a professional manipulator, that statement hits home. Part of the reason why I try not to apologize is the lack of feeling that's expressed through it. Round and round we go. What I didn't take into account, however, is this next bit...
Their calm demeanor and your heightened emotion or sensitivity may trick you into doubting yourself. You start wondering maybe they're right? You then retreat into your own thoughts trying to process the interaction, feeling too insecure to pursue the conversation any further.
If they respond with anger, you feel stunned. You've just opened yourself up in a vulnerable way and they've barged into that soft open space with aggression leaving you feeling trampled upon, exposed and unsafe. If this is their pattern, you may even start to believe you are responsible for their anger.
Depending on who I'm talking to, this may actually be the case.
2. They Deflect Their Behavior Back To You
When you get up the courage to tell them you feel a lack of support, closeness, friendship or kindness — they will turn it around and point out the things you did to justify their reasons to pull away, be mean, act insensitively or yell at you.
You're left again, wondering if they're right and doubting your own feeling's validity. You may suppress your desire for healthy communication because of how exhausting it is to try to communicate. This keeps the toxic cycle going and your self-assuredness diminishes even further.
How often do you hear them say things like, "You made me yell at you," "Why are you trying to start a fight?" and "If you hadn't done ___, I wouldn't have ___"? These statements deny you the right to your own feelings.
Looking back, I don't know if I said anything like that verbatim, but it wouldn't surprise me.
Unless they have an interest in learning effective communication skills and taking responsibility for their feelings and actions, cut them loose. If your self-esteem hasn't been stellar and your boundaries aren't firm, their tactics can leave you feeling worthless.
3. They Act Differently Toward You In Public And In Private
You become the brunt of the joke in front of your friends. The night might be going along perfectly fine until the last sip of his second cocktail when they make fun of something about you so personal your smile drops into your stomach and you're flushed with embarrassment.
Since everyone else is laughing at the "joke" or "funny story" you don't feel it's the right time to express how hurt you are, so you keep up the facade. But when you mention your hurt feelings while taking a taxi back home, they dismiss your concerns by saying you're too sensitive, "It's just a joke. Lighten up."
If they like to throw emotional daggers, they'll add in, "Do you have PMS?" If they goes as far to make his own psychological diagnosis of you, get out of that taxi and hail an Uber to drive you into your emotional freedom land.
Nail on the head. For some reason, I find it so easy to tear others down just to get a good laugh out of the crowd. I want to say I've lightened up a bit, but outside parties may not agree. It's just so easy to point out everyone's flaws, exaggerated or not becasue as a group we could all use that moment of laughing to make ourselves feel better at the expense of one person's moment of vulnerability.
I've called people ugly, stupid, uncoordinated, racist (a lot, this one is the most fun) and whether or not I truly mean it, or even if it's true or not - as long as it generated a laugh then to me it's worth it. Then there's this...
In private, the emotional manipulator will be full of apologies when they realize you've reached your breaking point. Only then will they claim partial ownership for their behavior.
Love it. Only the people closest to me I'm sure are praising those words. I don't know what it is about people acting differently in front of different people. I used to think that it was a good thing to be able to do - to be so personable that you could fit in with every type of friend group, or any type of person. Maybe, in retrospect, that being friends with so many different groups of people causes a huge loss that defines who you are, no self identity - just a blob of multiple adaptive personalities, there to satisfy the crowd that's in front of them.
It's more common for them to still put the blame on others, whether it's co-workers, crazy drivers or their family. But they'll do it in such a sweet authentic tone, you'll be tricked into giving them yet another chance.
4. They Refuse To Explain Themselves
"You wouldn't understand." The emotional manipulator will use this statement to make you feel you're not intelligent enough to understand them. They do this because they have no desire in having authentic, real communication with you.
Maybe? This one's a bit hard to reflect on becasue I feel like a lot of my problems aren't understandable because it's hard to get people to relate the situation I'm in. But hey, maybe that's just another check mark, right?
They want to make you feel like you are beneath them by claiming you couldn't possibly understand. It's a futile attempt to ask them to try to explain it, too. Their frustration at your attempt at communication eventually spins its way back to you.
The partner who doesn't communicate what they need from you also exhibits this refusal technique. They prefer to stew in her disapproval of you for not giving them what they need — even though they've never told you.
This can leave you feeling helpless just waiting for them to burst out in anger if you do something "wrong". Since they don't tell you specifics, all your actions and words are fair game. (There's no way to win with this one. Walk away as fast as you can.)
5. They Tell You "EVERYONE" Agrees
This tactic instills fear, doubt and insecurity that everyone is in agreement about the thing the manipulator said you did that was bad, stupid, spiteful or rude — making you think everyone is in agreement and certainly you're wrong.
Although, usually, you will question whether they're flat out lying, you won't listen to that small inner voice because their tactics have already grown deep roots of self-doubt.
When you ask which specific friends, you won't get an answer. You're not likely to confront your friends out of fear they'll either agree (then you have a friend issue to deal with), they'll lie and deny (another potential friend issue), or they'll let you know how stupid you are for being duped by such a crafty manipulator.
All three scenarios diminish your power, so you do nothing.
I've only done this once recently in memory, but it wouldn't surprise me if this was something I had done without even knowing it in the past. It seems like such a high school peer pressure 90s kid problem tactic, but hey the results don't lie.
6. They Make Conclusions About Your Actions (Without Bothering To Ask If They're Accurate)
With this tricky tactic, you're likely to hear, "I know why you ..." While it's normal for human beings to make our own conclusions about someone's behavior, when people reach a higher level of maturity, it's common to actually ask the other person what their intentions were or their thoughts behind an action they took that was displeasing to us.
The emotional manipulator is like a stubborn toddler holding onto their own reasoning with clenched fists. If you dare to pry them open, a tantrum ensues. They're so tenacious with their grip onto their story that you might even start doubting yourself because they are very convincing with their argument.
Usually, around the third time you've tried to explain yourself, they'll state, "I'm done," and walk away, going back to the dismissive tactic mentioned prior.
All these tactics are part of the life cycle of the emotional manipulator. You can't get them off that hamster wheel because they're not interested in communicating — they're only interested in being right.
I guess this is true? But for me it's a little more non verbal. No communication at all but I will have to admit that I'm probably thinking these things.
Here are some other choice blurbs that Ifeel like describe me completely...
..."They have an uncanny ability to sense when you are at your wit's end, and just at the moment you think you can't take anymore, they back off and become more reasonable—maybe even thoughtful or funny or attentive. This does not mean that they have suddenly gained insight or won't go back to their selfish, demanding ways. It simply means that they sense you are about to move away from their grasp, and they don't want to lost their advantage with you. By being more pleasant at those moments, they keep you close and under control."
-------------------
So that was just some preliminary stuff. I really fell into the rabbit hole with the topic, and I could probably type out a whole essay about it. But that isn't what this entry is about. If you know me, then you probably in some way have experienced some of the things listed above. So now I need to offer an escape. Because if there's one thing that my research has in common, it's that you should not be around people like me. I'm highly toxic, emotionally damaging, and just an overall pain to be around - in the long run. I might be good if we like hang out 1 or 2 times, but if you're needing to get close with me as a friend or other reason, then you should just probably stay away.
That being said, here are some tips on how to free yourself from a manipulator...
People who emotionally caretake for a manipulator or narcissist give up their sense of self to be who and what their partner needs them to be. These "emotional caretakers" are often very good at being aware of others' needs and wants, but they lose connection to their own. Such people are very vulnerable and responsive to even the slightest positive indicators from the emotional manipulator. The caretaker is so hopeful and so needs the manipulator to see and understand the love and caring they provide that even small positive moments register as having enormous value.
Letting go of an emotional manipulator means giving up needing their approval, their validation, and their view of the world—and tuning into your own self-approval, self-validation and self-view. As long as you are trying to fit into the manipulator's distorted perspective, or trying to get him or her to see and understand your perspective, you will be lost in a labyrinth of perplexity and confusion.
Letting go of an emotional manipulator means figuring out for yourself what you feel and want, and what you want to do—and then sticking with it. The emotional manipulator wants you to match her or his picture of you and will go to extremes, both positive and negative, to get you to conform to her or his preferred image.
As you may already know, not matching what emotional manipulators want exposes you to their anger and disapproval. Letting go means that you disengage yourself from trying to please them or to get their support and endorsement for what you feel, think, or do. This means not caring so much what the manipulator thinks about you. You know you often don't approve or like what the manipulator does or says; so why does it matter so much to you how the emotional manipulator thinks and feels about you?
That's the key. It is not just that emotional manipulators keep you bound to them, it is that you keep yourself bound to them by needing and seeking their approval and validation, which, of course, they give or withhold to get what they want from you. And they know just how much to give and take away to keep you coming back.
You have control over the choices you make. What you don't have control over are the choices that manipulators make.
Focus on the what, why, when, and how of your own life—and give up trying to manipulate the manipulators. Just let their demands go. Let them focus on fulfilling their own needs while you work on taking care of your wants and needs.
---------
I encourage anyone who tries to get close to me. Don't. If you have already done so - you should probably find a way out.
...and if you already have. Congratulations.
ta ta kids
POST EDIT: In retrospect, this whole entry was probably pretty manipulative on it's own, right? It some weird way admitting to all this allows you to view me as weak, and maybe you want to console me or something? I don't know... just trust me. Don't get close with me.
 |
| What a dick. |
I want the collective you to understand. To those who may know me, this may not be a surprise. For me, and this entry had been a draft for quite some time now - it's fairly new. Hours of research, some boozy nights, and self reflection all combine to give you whatever it is you're reading now. But I'm just babbling to try and avoid the point. So let's get to it. Here are some things that all emotional manipulators do, with some comments:
1. They Consistently Diminish Your Feelings
When you tell them, "It hurt me when you said ___," instead of offering a simple genuine apology or asking you to talk about how you felt, they will point out why you're wrong to feel that way and will likely diminish your feelings as being silly and say you're overreacting.
Love it. This is actually classic me. Whether or not my lack of emotions stems from being a professional manipulator, that statement hits home. Part of the reason why I try not to apologize is the lack of feeling that's expressed through it. Round and round we go. What I didn't take into account, however, is this next bit...
Their calm demeanor and your heightened emotion or sensitivity may trick you into doubting yourself. You start wondering maybe they're right? You then retreat into your own thoughts trying to process the interaction, feeling too insecure to pursue the conversation any further.
If they respond with anger, you feel stunned. You've just opened yourself up in a vulnerable way and they've barged into that soft open space with aggression leaving you feeling trampled upon, exposed and unsafe. If this is their pattern, you may even start to believe you are responsible for their anger.
Depending on who I'm talking to, this may actually be the case.
2. They Deflect Their Behavior Back To You
When you get up the courage to tell them you feel a lack of support, closeness, friendship or kindness — they will turn it around and point out the things you did to justify their reasons to pull away, be mean, act insensitively or yell at you.
You're left again, wondering if they're right and doubting your own feeling's validity. You may suppress your desire for healthy communication because of how exhausting it is to try to communicate. This keeps the toxic cycle going and your self-assuredness diminishes even further.
How often do you hear them say things like, "You made me yell at you," "Why are you trying to start a fight?" and "If you hadn't done ___, I wouldn't have ___"? These statements deny you the right to your own feelings.
Looking back, I don't know if I said anything like that verbatim, but it wouldn't surprise me.
Unless they have an interest in learning effective communication skills and taking responsibility for their feelings and actions, cut them loose. If your self-esteem hasn't been stellar and your boundaries aren't firm, their tactics can leave you feeling worthless.
3. They Act Differently Toward You In Public And In Private
You become the brunt of the joke in front of your friends. The night might be going along perfectly fine until the last sip of his second cocktail when they make fun of something about you so personal your smile drops into your stomach and you're flushed with embarrassment.
Since everyone else is laughing at the "joke" or "funny story" you don't feel it's the right time to express how hurt you are, so you keep up the facade. But when you mention your hurt feelings while taking a taxi back home, they dismiss your concerns by saying you're too sensitive, "It's just a joke. Lighten up."
If they like to throw emotional daggers, they'll add in, "Do you have PMS?" If they goes as far to make his own psychological diagnosis of you, get out of that taxi and hail an Uber to drive you into your emotional freedom land.
Nail on the head. For some reason, I find it so easy to tear others down just to get a good laugh out of the crowd. I want to say I've lightened up a bit, but outside parties may not agree. It's just so easy to point out everyone's flaws, exaggerated or not becasue as a group we could all use that moment of laughing to make ourselves feel better at the expense of one person's moment of vulnerability.
I've called people ugly, stupid, uncoordinated, racist (a lot, this one is the most fun) and whether or not I truly mean it, or even if it's true or not - as long as it generated a laugh then to me it's worth it. Then there's this...
In private, the emotional manipulator will be full of apologies when they realize you've reached your breaking point. Only then will they claim partial ownership for their behavior.
Love it. Only the people closest to me I'm sure are praising those words. I don't know what it is about people acting differently in front of different people. I used to think that it was a good thing to be able to do - to be so personable that you could fit in with every type of friend group, or any type of person. Maybe, in retrospect, that being friends with so many different groups of people causes a huge loss that defines who you are, no self identity - just a blob of multiple adaptive personalities, there to satisfy the crowd that's in front of them.
It's more common for them to still put the blame on others, whether it's co-workers, crazy drivers or their family. But they'll do it in such a sweet authentic tone, you'll be tricked into giving them yet another chance.
4. They Refuse To Explain Themselves
"You wouldn't understand." The emotional manipulator will use this statement to make you feel you're not intelligent enough to understand them. They do this because they have no desire in having authentic, real communication with you.
Maybe? This one's a bit hard to reflect on becasue I feel like a lot of my problems aren't understandable because it's hard to get people to relate the situation I'm in. But hey, maybe that's just another check mark, right?
They want to make you feel like you are beneath them by claiming you couldn't possibly understand. It's a futile attempt to ask them to try to explain it, too. Their frustration at your attempt at communication eventually spins its way back to you.
The partner who doesn't communicate what they need from you also exhibits this refusal technique. They prefer to stew in her disapproval of you for not giving them what they need — even though they've never told you.
This can leave you feeling helpless just waiting for them to burst out in anger if you do something "wrong". Since they don't tell you specifics, all your actions and words are fair game. (There's no way to win with this one. Walk away as fast as you can.)
5. They Tell You "EVERYONE" Agrees
This tactic instills fear, doubt and insecurity that everyone is in agreement about the thing the manipulator said you did that was bad, stupid, spiteful or rude — making you think everyone is in agreement and certainly you're wrong.
Although, usually, you will question whether they're flat out lying, you won't listen to that small inner voice because their tactics have already grown deep roots of self-doubt.
When you ask which specific friends, you won't get an answer. You're not likely to confront your friends out of fear they'll either agree (then you have a friend issue to deal with), they'll lie and deny (another potential friend issue), or they'll let you know how stupid you are for being duped by such a crafty manipulator.
All three scenarios diminish your power, so you do nothing.
I've only done this once recently in memory, but it wouldn't surprise me if this was something I had done without even knowing it in the past. It seems like such a high school peer pressure 90s kid problem tactic, but hey the results don't lie.
6. They Make Conclusions About Your Actions (Without Bothering To Ask If They're Accurate)
With this tricky tactic, you're likely to hear, "I know why you ..." While it's normal for human beings to make our own conclusions about someone's behavior, when people reach a higher level of maturity, it's common to actually ask the other person what their intentions were or their thoughts behind an action they took that was displeasing to us.
The emotional manipulator is like a stubborn toddler holding onto their own reasoning with clenched fists. If you dare to pry them open, a tantrum ensues. They're so tenacious with their grip onto their story that you might even start doubting yourself because they are very convincing with their argument.
Usually, around the third time you've tried to explain yourself, they'll state, "I'm done," and walk away, going back to the dismissive tactic mentioned prior.
All these tactics are part of the life cycle of the emotional manipulator. You can't get them off that hamster wheel because they're not interested in communicating — they're only interested in being right.
I guess this is true? But for me it's a little more non verbal. No communication at all but I will have to admit that I'm probably thinking these things.
Here are some other choice blurbs that Ifeel like describe me completely...
..."They have an uncanny ability to sense when you are at your wit's end, and just at the moment you think you can't take anymore, they back off and become more reasonable—maybe even thoughtful or funny or attentive. This does not mean that they have suddenly gained insight or won't go back to their selfish, demanding ways. It simply means that they sense you are about to move away from their grasp, and they don't want to lost their advantage with you. By being more pleasant at those moments, they keep you close and under control."
-------------------
So that was just some preliminary stuff. I really fell into the rabbit hole with the topic, and I could probably type out a whole essay about it. But that isn't what this entry is about. If you know me, then you probably in some way have experienced some of the things listed above. So now I need to offer an escape. Because if there's one thing that my research has in common, it's that you should not be around people like me. I'm highly toxic, emotionally damaging, and just an overall pain to be around - in the long run. I might be good if we like hang out 1 or 2 times, but if you're needing to get close with me as a friend or other reason, then you should just probably stay away.
That being said, here are some tips on how to free yourself from a manipulator...
People who emotionally caretake for a manipulator or narcissist give up their sense of self to be who and what their partner needs them to be. These "emotional caretakers" are often very good at being aware of others' needs and wants, but they lose connection to their own. Such people are very vulnerable and responsive to even the slightest positive indicators from the emotional manipulator. The caretaker is so hopeful and so needs the manipulator to see and understand the love and caring they provide that even small positive moments register as having enormous value.
Letting go of an emotional manipulator means giving up needing their approval, their validation, and their view of the world—and tuning into your own self-approval, self-validation and self-view. As long as you are trying to fit into the manipulator's distorted perspective, or trying to get him or her to see and understand your perspective, you will be lost in a labyrinth of perplexity and confusion.
Letting go of an emotional manipulator means figuring out for yourself what you feel and want, and what you want to do—and then sticking with it. The emotional manipulator wants you to match her or his picture of you and will go to extremes, both positive and negative, to get you to conform to her or his preferred image.
As you may already know, not matching what emotional manipulators want exposes you to their anger and disapproval. Letting go means that you disengage yourself from trying to please them or to get their support and endorsement for what you feel, think, or do. This means not caring so much what the manipulator thinks about you. You know you often don't approve or like what the manipulator does or says; so why does it matter so much to you how the emotional manipulator thinks and feels about you?
That's the key. It is not just that emotional manipulators keep you bound to them, it is that you keep yourself bound to them by needing and seeking their approval and validation, which, of course, they give or withhold to get what they want from you. And they know just how much to give and take away to keep you coming back.
You have control over the choices you make. What you don't have control over are the choices that manipulators make.
Focus on the what, why, when, and how of your own life—and give up trying to manipulate the manipulators. Just let their demands go. Let them focus on fulfilling their own needs while you work on taking care of your wants and needs.
---------
I encourage anyone who tries to get close to me. Don't. If you have already done so - you should probably find a way out.
...and if you already have. Congratulations.
ta ta kids
POST EDIT: In retrospect, this whole entry was probably pretty manipulative on it's own, right? It some weird way admitting to all this allows you to view me as weak, and maybe you want to console me or something? I don't know... just trust me. Don't get close with me.
on Friday, November 11, 2016
Take a look at that map. And let it soak in, and most of you probably already have. I don't care if it's the most updated or whatever but the whole idea of it is the same. I've seen a lot of angry posts and now there's news of people protesting etc etc. If I could tell all of you one thing, I'd have to say this:
You're sore losers.
Like I previously stated, I didn't vote. Whether or not that discredits anything I have to say is on you. We have gone through 45 Presidents and 58 elections where, at least most recently, have done it the same way. But the reaction to this result is atrocious. What all you protesters are doing is insulting the very country that you reside in. You live here partly because you have the faith of the people and it's system to appoint the person who will lead our country. Protesting the result insults this country and makes you come off as the biggest representation of a sore loser I have ever seen. That being said, you have that right to do so, but it makes you look absolutely childish. Please, go back to school and work and continue to sustain this country with your services. You're wasting your time.
Side rant on protesting. It's a great way to make your voice heard. The best thing to come out of "protesting" recently is the addition of body cams to police officers. You need to be realistic of what you protest about. That whole 1% thing? Nothing happened there. It's gonna be the same with this issue. Your protesting will NOT change the outcome of the election. The only way that'll happen is via assassination or otherwise. Impeachment? Nah man. I don't know too much about this topic, but I'm pretty sure that impeaching the President is held by trial by House of Reps and Senate - which I hear is Republican controlled. Anyway I don't want to spew facts - just know that's it's not going to happen. You're wasting your time. But hey, thanks for making your voice heard - how many classes or work days did you miss by the way? Wish you could've used those days to make some money for your family or to pay off your student loans or something...
Let's talk about #Calexit. It's a "movement" for Cali to cecede from the United States. This is a joke, right? I can't believe this is even a thing to consider, you're all dramatic little fuckers. I want to sit here and insult you more, but that's just a waste. I just need to make this a point becasue I wanted to expand on a thought I had from last post. Media saturation.
Most of the media giants are broadcasting from NY, and a lot of media coverage also happens in CA. Also also, a lot of "YouTube" stars reside in CA as well. Besides that, we also have the immediate tri-state area for the local news. Let's take a look at that map again... HMMMMMM ... all those areas are blue. That's odd. But not really. My main point here is that all news coverage around here we see is coming from blue states. States that "wanted" Hillary Clinton to win. Of COURSE anything we'll see regarding the election will probably be anti-trump... and that's where it's not fair.
To saturate people with all this negativity will just encourage more negativity. OH MAN, those people in Cali are protesting?! We should do that too here in NY! And yet we don't get to see what's happening anywhere in the midwest, all those red states? We don't get to see celebration, PEACE (or maybe more peace), or actually relative positively. Because again we're sore losers.
My days and coming weeks would be SO much better if I woke up to news NOT about protesting and pissy whiny people, but about people being hopeful and celebrating America's "choice." Blah blah blah Hilary won the popular vote blah blah take your shit somewhere else because AGAIN THE SYSTEM YOU BELIEVE IN CHOSE OUR 45th President and there's NOTHING you can do about it.
It disappoints me how we focus so much on the negative around here, because we're sore losers. We all just need to move on becasue unless you've been blessed with some kind of high profile position (also known as rich and famous though that's still not guaranteed), you're not going to make the change you wish you could.
Small reflection here. I think I have the desire to be ruled. Like, I kinda get what Loki was on about in the first Avengers movie. We need to be free from freedom. Freedom is life's greatest lie. There will always be someone telling you what to do, in a large scale. The beauty of the US is that on a relatively smaller scale, we can still go on about our own way making small life choices. With moments like these and perhaps the coming months, I just kinda wish there was a bigger pressure put on us to "behave." Not like brainwashed or mind controlled slavery or anything like that. Just someone or something to make sure that in 4 years if things don't go our way again - we're told to just suck it up and move on, and for this idea to be enforced. Might regret typing all that out later, but for now it's truly what I feel.
In summary:
Nothing will change. Suck it up and move on, peacefully. If you want to continue to "protest" - make sure you actually get shit done and PEACEFULLY I might add, instead of getting your 15 minutes of fame and disappearing again.
ta ta kids
on Wednesday, November 9, 2016
Now that this whole thing is "over," I can finally start ranting about the whole shit show that was this election. I was thinking about what to type up all throughout my commute to work and I couldn't transition well between them but I need to get it all out regardless if my thoughts here look organized or not. Let's go!
SIDE NOTE: Trying my best not to mention candidates because I don't think it matters who would've won at this point - none of my opinions on the matter changes.
Some of my favorite things to come out of the election is listening to everyone eat their words because their candidate. My favorite culprit is the lovely folks at Elvis Duran and the Morning Show. Been listening to them for awhile becasue I like their topics and also like to talk shit about how much I hate them. It's a weird relationship. Anyway a quick message for you guys: I get it. You have the duty to maintain no bias and keep neutral commentary so you don't get fired. Good job. But don't you dare pander to your audience by not telling anyone who you voted for. You know DAMN well if your candidate won the election, the whole tone of today's show would be different. Instead, you have to sit there and pretend (and struggle at it) to "not care" about the result. Stating such generic things akin to giving "thoughts and prayers." It's pathetic, and I love it. Everyone on the show supporting each other about well informed they were about the election becasue they were "flip flopping" between the candidates? Load of bullshit. I love the 3 minute bit about "having a discussion" and "moving on" and all the bullshit... it sustains me. I'm getting giddy just typing about it. To hear all of you struggle because your candidate didn't win. Hilarious. The kicker was one guy who said he'd be off social media today because blah blah blah. BITCH, you know you're off it becasue you don't want to read about all the new POTUS cuz you SALTY AS HELL. As previously stated though, I get it. You're a radio show that reached a good amount of people in this country. March to the tune of iHeartRadio and just continue to make your money pissing off the least amount of people. Dance, monkey, dance.
Another wonderful thing coming out of this election are all the "I'm moving to Canada" jokes. A wonderful FB status I want to post (but won't becasue I'm a passive aggressive bitch and hate confrontation so I just type it up on the blogger knowing it's a safe space for opinions and random ass rants) goes something like this:
"Looking forward to lesser traffic and dumb asses on the road because everyone is moving to Canada... wait what? They're all just a bunch of pussies because they can't handle change? #yourvotedidntmatter"
And we can get to that last hashtag in a bit. Got a half-chub just thinking about it. Anyway, I've been hearing that same goddamn joke and seeing the same goddamn meme about it for the better part of 2 years or at least since the wonderful country chose our 2 party representatives. Can we please for once make sure to follow through with your request to move to Canada? It's really crowded and I would love for your bitch ass to get out of here because we con't need people who can't handle a change in guard. Guess what? The same thing happened 8 years ago when a black man became our new POTUS. AND YOU'RE ALL STILL HERE DESPITE THAT FACT THAT I WAS LOOKING FORWARD TO A BUNCH OF YOU LEAVING BACK THEN TOO! Oh but hey, fast forward 8 years later and you're all on his dick... most of you anyway.
Enough with that moving to another country joke. Just do it. Get out of here becasue I'm tired of it.
Next topic. Media saturation. It's really surprising to see how much people are surprised and disappointed with the outcome of this election. I can't lie, I was in a bit of a shock as well. I think it's because if you look at the support and the way a certain candidate was covered on various media outlets - it almost seems like we were hypnotized to be swayed one way. The surrounding states here chose one way. A majority of my friends, co-workers, were supporting the same way, and bad mouthing the other candidate as well. I became engulfed in all this "support" and when I woke up this morning I felt some surprise at the result. It's an interesting thing to think about because if I had lived in a certain area I feel like I might've been feeling the same way, but for the other candidate. Which is probably why I wanted to type this blog up in the first place. All my previous complaints mentioned above arise from the face that "our candidate" lost. And it's hilarious to think that if I had spent the 23ish years of my life in the US somewhere else - I would be feeling a completely different way, maybe. Just goes to show how powerful the media is when it comes to things like this. What we see and don't see, what we hear and don't hear about. Food for thought.
It's funny too how people compared how "easier" or how much better it was with some past presidents. For my generation it was Clinton. "OMG when Bill Clinton was president everything was so much easier." Bitch, it was easier becasue all we had to do was go to school, take naps, and eat. Like fucking duh it was easier back then.
AND FINALLY. THE LAST THING ON MY GODDAMN MIND. THE VERY WORST THING ABOUT THE ELECTION. My vote. Rather, the lack of my vote. That's right. Didn't vote. You read that right. And here's why!
I'm soooooooooo tired of people telling me to go vote. I have never been convinced, and I will never be convinced to go vote. I need to kind of reveal where I stand if you haven't already figured it out, but I'm from New Jersey. Now that you know that you can retrace which candidates I've been talking about, but still doesn't the change the fact none of my opinions on the matter change. ANYWAYYY... let's take a look at the results for good 'ol NJ. I'm too lazy to take pictures and make the results look pretty so please take my word for it. Source is from News 12 New Jersey's website.
POTUS
Hillary Clinton - 1,947,650
Donald Trump - 1,489,918
Amendment 1 - Expand Gambling
Yes - 2,199,981
No - 632,287
Amendment 2 - Transportation Funds
Yes - 1,488,317
No - 1, 290,978
ANNNND the other candidates, I honestly couldn't give two shits about. Let me tell you where I'm going with this. Stop fucking telling me that my vote matters. Take any one of those numbers from every results and add 1 to them. The winner and choice is still the goddamn same. I've been hearing it all freaking month or two, maybe three. GO VOTE! YOUR VOTE MATTERS! FUCK. YOUR. BULLSHIT. It clearly does not. And I hate you and your arguments about why I should. Some of my favorite gems...
"If you don't then you're letting down your country."
Did you not SEE who this country chose as options for POTUS?
"People fought for your rights to vote"
Yes, and they also fought for my rights to wake up, go to work, and make money to provide for myself and the people I care about. Which is way more important.
"Not voting is like voting for (insert candidate name here)"
My personal favorite. No it's not, and you're a dumb ass for even considering it.
Again, I get it. If everyone in this world thought like me, then maybe it could make a difference. Blah blah blah the millions who think just like you could've really changed the outcome of the election! Listen, did it ever occur to you that people like me don't vote because we just don't care? Like, at all? Let's slap some real talk here. The new year will come around, a new POTUS will sit in the White House. Great. What are you going to do? You're going to get up, go to work, pay for everything you need to, and do everything THE GODDAMN SAME SO YOU CAN KEEP YOU AND YOUR FAMILY ALIVE. It goes with all change. This recent gas hike in this state. "UGHH GAS IS SO EXPENSIVE NOW!" Oh okay, guess you won't buy gas anymore. Guess you won't go to work anymore, guess you're just gonna stay indoors or walk/bike everywhere for the rest of your goddamn life?
Things change. Some big, some little. But you have one job to do. Wake up and do you. Do you so much that you can wake up the next day and do you again.
Also, ever tickle your thoughts about the fact that maybe people won't vote becasue they are uneducated about the candidates policies and sides? You just want someone to blindly go into the polls checking off bubbles like a goddamn ScanTron test you didn't study for? There are other reasons why people don't vote, and maybe you could educate yourself on that first before you try getting the non voters to convert.
Man this election has me in a tizzy. Gotta love the outcome though. Interesting how this wonderful country will play out in the future. SPOILER ALERT: it'll stay the fucking same. Or maybe we'll get a neat wall out of it too.
EDIT: Some perspective, and GOOD THINGS to come out of social media. I quote the following:
"Everyone needs to stfu and relax! No one is gonna throw you out, you're not gonna live on the streets (unless you do already)... I doubt your life would even change that much. Can everyone save the drama for their mamas? I get it, you're terrified of how racist, sexist, blah blah he is. You're never gonna meet him!!! He will never know you exist. He cannot impose alleged racism/sexism on new laws or anything. He will not impact your life. You'll live, I promise. And if you think he was the only president who held such views.. HAHAHA. Boy, are you naive. I'd be more shocked if one of them WASN'T a bigot. At least he's true to himself lol.
If people choose to be racist because they're "inspired" by him --- then you need to blame their parents- not him!
Y'all need God.... Amen."
ta ta kids
SIDE NOTE: Trying my best not to mention candidates because I don't think it matters who would've won at this point - none of my opinions on the matter changes.
Some of my favorite things to come out of the election is listening to everyone eat their words because their candidate. My favorite culprit is the lovely folks at Elvis Duran and the Morning Show. Been listening to them for awhile becasue I like their topics and also like to talk shit about how much I hate them. It's a weird relationship. Anyway a quick message for you guys: I get it. You have the duty to maintain no bias and keep neutral commentary so you don't get fired. Good job. But don't you dare pander to your audience by not telling anyone who you voted for. You know DAMN well if your candidate won the election, the whole tone of today's show would be different. Instead, you have to sit there and pretend (and struggle at it) to "not care" about the result. Stating such generic things akin to giving "thoughts and prayers." It's pathetic, and I love it. Everyone on the show supporting each other about well informed they were about the election becasue they were "flip flopping" between the candidates? Load of bullshit. I love the 3 minute bit about "having a discussion" and "moving on" and all the bullshit... it sustains me. I'm getting giddy just typing about it. To hear all of you struggle because your candidate didn't win. Hilarious. The kicker was one guy who said he'd be off social media today because blah blah blah. BITCH, you know you're off it becasue you don't want to read about all the new POTUS cuz you SALTY AS HELL. As previously stated though, I get it. You're a radio show that reached a good amount of people in this country. March to the tune of iHeartRadio and just continue to make your money pissing off the least amount of people. Dance, monkey, dance.
Another wonderful thing coming out of this election are all the "I'm moving to Canada" jokes. A wonderful FB status I want to post (but won't becasue I'm a passive aggressive bitch and hate confrontation so I just type it up on the blogger knowing it's a safe space for opinions and random ass rants) goes something like this:
"Looking forward to lesser traffic and dumb asses on the road because everyone is moving to Canada... wait what? They're all just a bunch of pussies because they can't handle change? #yourvotedidntmatter"
And we can get to that last hashtag in a bit. Got a half-chub just thinking about it. Anyway, I've been hearing that same goddamn joke and seeing the same goddamn meme about it for the better part of 2 years or at least since the wonderful country chose our 2 party representatives. Can we please for once make sure to follow through with your request to move to Canada? It's really crowded and I would love for your bitch ass to get out of here because we con't need people who can't handle a change in guard. Guess what? The same thing happened 8 years ago when a black man became our new POTUS. AND YOU'RE ALL STILL HERE DESPITE THAT FACT THAT I WAS LOOKING FORWARD TO A BUNCH OF YOU LEAVING BACK THEN TOO! Oh but hey, fast forward 8 years later and you're all on his dick... most of you anyway.
Enough with that moving to another country joke. Just do it. Get out of here becasue I'm tired of it.
Next topic. Media saturation. It's really surprising to see how much people are surprised and disappointed with the outcome of this election. I can't lie, I was in a bit of a shock as well. I think it's because if you look at the support and the way a certain candidate was covered on various media outlets - it almost seems like we were hypnotized to be swayed one way. The surrounding states here chose one way. A majority of my friends, co-workers, were supporting the same way, and bad mouthing the other candidate as well. I became engulfed in all this "support" and when I woke up this morning I felt some surprise at the result. It's an interesting thing to think about because if I had lived in a certain area I feel like I might've been feeling the same way, but for the other candidate. Which is probably why I wanted to type this blog up in the first place. All my previous complaints mentioned above arise from the face that "our candidate" lost. And it's hilarious to think that if I had spent the 23ish years of my life in the US somewhere else - I would be feeling a completely different way, maybe. Just goes to show how powerful the media is when it comes to things like this. What we see and don't see, what we hear and don't hear about. Food for thought.
It's funny too how people compared how "easier" or how much better it was with some past presidents. For my generation it was Clinton. "OMG when Bill Clinton was president everything was so much easier." Bitch, it was easier becasue all we had to do was go to school, take naps, and eat. Like fucking duh it was easier back then.
AND FINALLY. THE LAST THING ON MY GODDAMN MIND. THE VERY WORST THING ABOUT THE ELECTION. My vote. Rather, the lack of my vote. That's right. Didn't vote. You read that right. And here's why!
I'm soooooooooo tired of people telling me to go vote. I have never been convinced, and I will never be convinced to go vote. I need to kind of reveal where I stand if you haven't already figured it out, but I'm from New Jersey. Now that you know that you can retrace which candidates I've been talking about, but still doesn't the change the fact none of my opinions on the matter change. ANYWAYYY... let's take a look at the results for good 'ol NJ. I'm too lazy to take pictures and make the results look pretty so please take my word for it. Source is from News 12 New Jersey's website.
POTUS
Hillary Clinton - 1,947,650
Donald Trump - 1,489,918
Amendment 1 - Expand Gambling
Yes - 2,199,981
No - 632,287
Amendment 2 - Transportation Funds
Yes - 1,488,317
No - 1, 290,978
ANNNND the other candidates, I honestly couldn't give two shits about. Let me tell you where I'm going with this. Stop fucking telling me that my vote matters. Take any one of those numbers from every results and add 1 to them. The winner and choice is still the goddamn same. I've been hearing it all freaking month or two, maybe three. GO VOTE! YOUR VOTE MATTERS! FUCK. YOUR. BULLSHIT. It clearly does not. And I hate you and your arguments about why I should. Some of my favorite gems...
"If you don't then you're letting down your country."
Did you not SEE who this country chose as options for POTUS?
"People fought for your rights to vote"
Yes, and they also fought for my rights to wake up, go to work, and make money to provide for myself and the people I care about. Which is way more important.
"Not voting is like voting for (insert candidate name here)"
My personal favorite. No it's not, and you're a dumb ass for even considering it.
Again, I get it. If everyone in this world thought like me, then maybe it could make a difference. Blah blah blah the millions who think just like you could've really changed the outcome of the election! Listen, did it ever occur to you that people like me don't vote because we just don't care? Like, at all? Let's slap some real talk here. The new year will come around, a new POTUS will sit in the White House. Great. What are you going to do? You're going to get up, go to work, pay for everything you need to, and do everything THE GODDAMN SAME SO YOU CAN KEEP YOU AND YOUR FAMILY ALIVE. It goes with all change. This recent gas hike in this state. "UGHH GAS IS SO EXPENSIVE NOW!" Oh okay, guess you won't buy gas anymore. Guess you won't go to work anymore, guess you're just gonna stay indoors or walk/bike everywhere for the rest of your goddamn life?
Things change. Some big, some little. But you have one job to do. Wake up and do you. Do you so much that you can wake up the next day and do you again.
Also, ever tickle your thoughts about the fact that maybe people won't vote becasue they are uneducated about the candidates policies and sides? You just want someone to blindly go into the polls checking off bubbles like a goddamn ScanTron test you didn't study for? There are other reasons why people don't vote, and maybe you could educate yourself on that first before you try getting the non voters to convert.
Man this election has me in a tizzy. Gotta love the outcome though. Interesting how this wonderful country will play out in the future. SPOILER ALERT: it'll stay the fucking same. Or maybe we'll get a neat wall out of it too.
EDIT: Some perspective, and GOOD THINGS to come out of social media. I quote the following:
"Everyone needs to stfu and relax! No one is gonna throw you out, you're not gonna live on the streets (unless you do already)... I doubt your life would even change that much. Can everyone save the drama for their mamas? I get it, you're terrified of how racist, sexist, blah blah he is. You're never gonna meet him!!! He will never know you exist. He cannot impose alleged racism/sexism on new laws or anything. He will not impact your life. You'll live, I promise. And if you think he was the only president who held such views.. HAHAHA. Boy, are you naive. I'd be more shocked if one of them WASN'T a bigot. At least he's true to himself lol.
If people choose to be racist because they're "inspired" by him --- then you need to blame their parents- not him!
Y'all need God.... Amen."
"This is the last thing I'm going to say about this topic.
Don't tell marginalized groups of people how to react to this election. Many of us have spent our entire lives knowing that prejudice and hate for us exists. We fucking live with it. But if you have not lived through the past year as one of these people, you will not understand how important this election was. Latinxs , Black People, Muslims , the LGBTQA community, so many more people. Listen, we know some of y'all fucking hate us for simply existing. You, personally, reading this? Maybe not. Guess what? Someone you know and love probably genuinely does. I can say that with confidence. Want to know why? Because of last night.
The news that SO many people in this country fucking hate us and wish we weren't here or happy isn't new to us. It's just so overwhelming to have to see. It's a heavy feeling. So don't tell us how to feel today. Thanks. Bye."
Don't tell marginalized groups of people how to react to this election. Many of us have spent our entire lives knowing that prejudice and hate for us exists. We fucking live with it. But if you have not lived through the past year as one of these people, you will not understand how important this election was. Latinxs , Black People, Muslims , the LGBTQA community, so many more people. Listen, we know some of y'all fucking hate us for simply existing. You, personally, reading this? Maybe not. Guess what? Someone you know and love probably genuinely does. I can say that with confidence. Want to know why? Because of last night.
The news that SO many people in this country fucking hate us and wish we weren't here or happy isn't new to us. It's just so overwhelming to have to see. It's a heavy feeling. So don't tell us how to feel today. Thanks. Bye."
On the first quote... it was good until the God and Amen part. So just focus on the first part of it.
Nice on the second post. I think I needed to read that. Def slowed my heart rate a bit. Good on you, America.
Nice on the second post. I think I needed to read that. Def slowed my heart rate a bit. Good on you, America.
ta ta kids
on Thursday, September 29, 2016
New series. Short format. But it'll give some substance to this dying blog becasue I'm too lazy to rant about bigger things. I come across some ridiculous things on social media (mostly facebook) but I'm too pussy to write my own comment to rebuttal in fear of sounding like an idiot or too pussy to deal with the retaliation that could potentially be thrown back at me. So I'm gonna do the passive aggressive thing and show them here.
Reply: Because it is our right as AMERICANS to CHOOSE NOT to stand for our NATIONAL ANTHEM. Just like it's your RIGHT to BE an OVERSENSITIVE PRICK ABOUT IT, but that's cool you do you. Also your caps lock or shift key is broken. Bitch.
Reply: Unless you wanna store all the money you have under your bed, it's the least you can do for having them hold your money with the means of accessing said money via shitty plastic card/chip hybrid. But yea I agree that those fees suck.
Comment: How the HELL can you tell if he got yo nose and daddy's lips? Kinda bullshit is that? Telling this baby it's gonna be an athlete like shit the kid ain't even living his life yet and you're living it for him! Fuck is wrong with all of you.
ta ta kids
Comment: How the HELL can you tell if he got yo nose and daddy's lips? Kinda bullshit is that? Telling this baby it's gonna be an athlete like shit the kid ain't even living his life yet and you're living it for him! Fuck is wrong with all of you.
ta ta kids
on Friday, July 8, 2016
Dear lord some parts of our world are crumbling really fast. DISCLAIMER: speaking from initial thoughts and reactions to some of the news lately. I didn't do a lot of any research, I'm just going from what I heard and saw. Is that research? Ok. I didn't do any in depth research. Anyway let's move on.
There's been some shootings. It's news, but sadly it's happening so much nowadays it shouldn't even be called NEWs. A man got shot in Baton Rouge because there was a call that he was armed and pointing his gun at people. 2 officers took him down and one decided to shoot the guy dead. That's an on the surface report right there, I'm not going into the details until later. Another man was shot during a routine traffic stop for a broken tail light. As he reached for his ID, he was shot. Alright. Here we go. Opinion time.
The guy in Baton Rouge. If that call were in fact true and he drew his weapon at someone, then yes he's a threat. His firearm was definitely on him cuz they fished it out of his pocket. Ok, good. The chance was there. Watching the video, there is a general consensus (among the comments) that he was, in fact, adequately subdued. So what's the problem here? The story goes that he was reaching for his pocket and that's what started everything. You hear 2 shots, then 4 more. There, in my opinion, is my problem. I don't know anything about guns. I don't know, and would continue to like to not know, what it's like to get shot. When you fire 2 shots on a man that is subdued on the floor, I think you're good. Why fire 4 more? Does the human body release adrenaline after getting shot first so you have some kind of burst of energy to retaliate momentarily? Who knows, but that's what I imagine the last 4 shots were for and of course I am very open minded so I would love to hear a valid explanation for the extra shots.
I saw a video just now of an officer (or at least some kind of expert in that he knows more than me on firearms) show that you CAN indeed shoot from your pocket. I don't really think that was ever a question, but he made the video not to defend the officers, but to make a point that it's possible. We shouldn't all be jumping to conclusions, as it's not our place. It isn't right to just feel for the deceased (but it's really easy to do so), we don't know what's going through the mind of an officer responding to a call knowing that there's a man he potentially has to see and confront that has a gun somewhere on him. It's a tough call. How do I feel about THIS situation? Not sure. I can see both ways. I neither defend nor condone what happened, but I understand it and acknowledge that there's a problem on both sides.
The guy in Minnesota. The big news here is that the witness immediately started live streaming after the incident to cover themselves from any future events. As the story goes, the officer was told beforehand that the driver is armed, and is licensed to carry. As he reached for his ID, that's when the whole thing went down. Alright. I thought I had a pretty good opinion here, but as I typed that previous statement something clicked. Why the HELL would you tell an officer that you have a gun on you, when all he wanted was your paperwork for a traffic stop? Why wouldn't your reach for your paperwork as soon as you were asked for it?
"License and registration, please"
"Just so you know, I have a gun and I'm licensed to carry it."
"Uh... okay."
Where do you think this cop's mind is at now? If this is the situation that's happened, then this story just got a lot more conflicted for me. Now I'm at a loss of words. Why wouldn't you just give the cop your damn papers? When he looks you up, he'll probably see that you can carry or whatever the fuck. I dunno what comes up when cops you look up. Would that have changed the situation? Hard to say. By the way the woman was detained for the rest of the night, and also I assume their daughter was in the back seat. That last bit is important. Anyway, this story didn't really bother me until I saw some random dude on facebook post the following image:
First of all, fuck your periods. I had to read that shit like fucking Darth Vader. Here's the problem with this picture, and eventually this whole situation. Generalizing. Whoever this random dude is, you need to fix your shit. THEY? Really? It was one officer. One incident. It's people like you who post shit like this that continue to instill fear. Because of what ONE cop did, and because of your stupid "look at me I care and I have an opinion shitpost" the people who are stupid enough to read that and side with you now think the whole police department in Minnesota - nay - the WORLD fired a goddamn gun with a child in the backseat. I wish I were brave enough to confront you. You need to step back and treat this like an isolated incident. I agree that there is a problem. I don't have a solution, but posting stuff like that doesn't help.
Here's what's fucked up about this whole thing. Social media. Trigger happy keyboard warriors (like myself I guess) are up in arms and ready to scream racism. Gun control. Punishment. Riot. What makes me mad is that in x amount of time, this whole thing will fade away - until the next incident and we're all reminded of it again. Nothing will change. We thought it would change with the first incidents and we got body cams, which was a surprisingly good first step. Then we got massacred, now this, and even now reactions to this (I think some cops died in a protest in Texas). We all need to calm down because let's face it. Nothing will change. If change comes, embrace it. We don't have the power we think we have. At least not effectively. Not this way.
I'm not angry about the incidents. I'm angry about the way people react to these incidents. I'm angry that you can get away with showing sympathy and empathy just by joining the hashtag. I'm tired of hearing about your thoughts and prayers. Those who have power to change should use it. It's a terrible reality, but I don't have the power to change. Nor do you. Stop pretending like you do. Stop pretending like you care. Stop feeling like you did something because #yournamehere. Grieve. Gather information, FROM BOTH SIDES. Understand the situation, and move on. No amount of thoughts and prayers will change anything.
ta ta kids
An addendum. You notice that talking about these stories I didn't even mention anything about the people or officers being black or white? But you painted the picture yourself anyway. Also probably you've seen pictures or whatever I'm just trying to be deep here.
There's been some shootings. It's news, but sadly it's happening so much nowadays it shouldn't even be called NEWs. A man got shot in Baton Rouge because there was a call that he was armed and pointing his gun at people. 2 officers took him down and one decided to shoot the guy dead. That's an on the surface report right there, I'm not going into the details until later. Another man was shot during a routine traffic stop for a broken tail light. As he reached for his ID, he was shot. Alright. Here we go. Opinion time.
The guy in Baton Rouge. If that call were in fact true and he drew his weapon at someone, then yes he's a threat. His firearm was definitely on him cuz they fished it out of his pocket. Ok, good. The chance was there. Watching the video, there is a general consensus (among the comments) that he was, in fact, adequately subdued. So what's the problem here? The story goes that he was reaching for his pocket and that's what started everything. You hear 2 shots, then 4 more. There, in my opinion, is my problem. I don't know anything about guns. I don't know, and would continue to like to not know, what it's like to get shot. When you fire 2 shots on a man that is subdued on the floor, I think you're good. Why fire 4 more? Does the human body release adrenaline after getting shot first so you have some kind of burst of energy to retaliate momentarily? Who knows, but that's what I imagine the last 4 shots were for and of course I am very open minded so I would love to hear a valid explanation for the extra shots.
I saw a video just now of an officer (or at least some kind of expert in that he knows more than me on firearms) show that you CAN indeed shoot from your pocket. I don't really think that was ever a question, but he made the video not to defend the officers, but to make a point that it's possible. We shouldn't all be jumping to conclusions, as it's not our place. It isn't right to just feel for the deceased (but it's really easy to do so), we don't know what's going through the mind of an officer responding to a call knowing that there's a man he potentially has to see and confront that has a gun somewhere on him. It's a tough call. How do I feel about THIS situation? Not sure. I can see both ways. I neither defend nor condone what happened, but I understand it and acknowledge that there's a problem on both sides.
The guy in Minnesota. The big news here is that the witness immediately started live streaming after the incident to cover themselves from any future events. As the story goes, the officer was told beforehand that the driver is armed, and is licensed to carry. As he reached for his ID, that's when the whole thing went down. Alright. I thought I had a pretty good opinion here, but as I typed that previous statement something clicked. Why the HELL would you tell an officer that you have a gun on you, when all he wanted was your paperwork for a traffic stop? Why wouldn't your reach for your paperwork as soon as you were asked for it?
"License and registration, please"
"Just so you know, I have a gun and I'm licensed to carry it."
"Uh... okay."
Where do you think this cop's mind is at now? If this is the situation that's happened, then this story just got a lot more conflicted for me. Now I'm at a loss of words. Why wouldn't you just give the cop your damn papers? When he looks you up, he'll probably see that you can carry or whatever the fuck. I dunno what comes up when cops you look up. Would that have changed the situation? Hard to say. By the way the woman was detained for the rest of the night, and also I assume their daughter was in the back seat. That last bit is important. Anyway, this story didn't really bother me until I saw some random dude on facebook post the following image:
 |
| Too. Many. Periods. Argument. Invalid. |
First of all, fuck your periods. I had to read that shit like fucking Darth Vader. Here's the problem with this picture, and eventually this whole situation. Generalizing. Whoever this random dude is, you need to fix your shit. THEY? Really? It was one officer. One incident. It's people like you who post shit like this that continue to instill fear. Because of what ONE cop did, and because of your stupid "look at me I care and I have an opinion shitpost" the people who are stupid enough to read that and side with you now think the whole police department in Minnesota - nay - the WORLD fired a goddamn gun with a child in the backseat. I wish I were brave enough to confront you. You need to step back and treat this like an isolated incident. I agree that there is a problem. I don't have a solution, but posting stuff like that doesn't help.
Here's what's fucked up about this whole thing. Social media. Trigger happy keyboard warriors (like myself I guess) are up in arms and ready to scream racism. Gun control. Punishment. Riot. What makes me mad is that in x amount of time, this whole thing will fade away - until the next incident and we're all reminded of it again. Nothing will change. We thought it would change with the first incidents and we got body cams, which was a surprisingly good first step. Then we got massacred, now this, and even now reactions to this (I think some cops died in a protest in Texas). We all need to calm down because let's face it. Nothing will change. If change comes, embrace it. We don't have the power we think we have. At least not effectively. Not this way.
I'm not angry about the incidents. I'm angry about the way people react to these incidents. I'm angry that you can get away with showing sympathy and empathy just by joining the hashtag. I'm tired of hearing about your thoughts and prayers. Those who have power to change should use it. It's a terrible reality, but I don't have the power to change. Nor do you. Stop pretending like you do. Stop pretending like you care. Stop feeling like you did something because #yournamehere. Grieve. Gather information, FROM BOTH SIDES. Understand the situation, and move on. No amount of thoughts and prayers will change anything.
ta ta kids
An addendum. You notice that talking about these stories I didn't even mention anything about the people or officers being black or white? But you painted the picture yourself anyway. Also probably you've seen pictures or whatever I'm just trying to be deep here.
on Wednesday, June 29, 2016
So I had this thought. I like to document my trips and put them on YouTube. I'm literally SO MANY TRIPS behind schedule that putting in new trip videos is quite hard because I tend to forget the minor fun details here and there and I just cant convey a good enough story on video. To fix this mistake I plan to document my trips by text as early as possible, so I can go back to them as notes when the videos eventually come up. So here are my notes and thoughts about my recent trip to Las Vegas, NV to celebrate a friends 28th birthday.
Thursday, July 23, 2016
Our flight was at 8 in the morning. The plan was to have me pick everyone up at a central location, head off to work where I could leave my car and take the train to the airport. There were some late arrivals and I had to stop by and get cash from the bank. I arrived relatively on time, but there was some talk on grabbing breakfast. So yes we missed our train. The next one was going to be in an hour, which I found kind of odd but hey just our luck.
To remedy the situation, we all split an Uber from the train station to the airport where we delighted the driver with talks of gossip girl and other TV shows. From there we breezed through TSA and caught our flight to our first layover in Minneapolis, Minnesota. There we found out that our transfer flight was delayed an hour. Bummer. So we decided to grab some lunch in the airport while we wait (which in retrospect was a bad idea and we could've saved that to take a trip to In N Out). I got a chicken wasabi salad wrap and a chocolate coconut cupcake. Our gate changed. Bummer. While we waited at our new gate, a friend ordered orange creamsicle-type shots from the bar. It was definitely more alcohol than orange creamsicle. But it did good to lift the spirit of the group.
When we landed in Vegas we went to baggage claim to retrieve some checked bags. I proceeded to go to Starbucks to get a "you are here" mug edition for Las Vegas. We went towards the car rental area where a friend is a member of a certain company - gave us permission to just go to the lot and take any car we wanted. We were eyeing these large infinities that we eventually decided not to take as the back seats were a bit tight. A rep found a Ford Expedition and we took that right away. The drive to the resort was quick, although we did get a bit lost getting out of the airport. Actually, we had to drive back in to pick up another friend coming in. We got to the resort and were told our room wasn't ready yet. I actually don't remember what happened, but as we were leaving we got told our room was in fact ready (that privilege). So we unpacked and waited for some stragglers to arrive. We changed into trunks and hung around by the pool. I found out I wasn't very tan that day.
It was hot.
After some tanning and a quick dip we prepared ourselves for dinner and Rock of Ages. We planned to go a buffet when a HUGE CROWD OF WHITE PEOPLE JUST WALTZED THE FUCK IN. So we had Vietnamese instead. I got roasted duck. Actually this food was delicious. But it had better be since it was kinda pricey.
After dinner we lined up to go see Rock of Ages. We were a large group so we were chosen to take a picture at some area with a fancy background. We sat down and got moved over a bit since one person decided to buy a solo ticket t the table that had an extra seat. He seemed happy. A bit creepy and so totally drunk by the end of the show. We all ordered a drink and I finished up pretty fast with no effect, but I cant say the same for the birthday boy.
It was a great show. Great acting and amazing voices. The female lead took a bit of getting used to to look at, however. Must've been the stripper seen that did it. Male lead looked like Sebastian Stan. Additionally, I kept getting shit because one of the comedic male roles seemed to remind everyone of me. Flattering, really! I don't remember much after the show but I must've passed out since I was so exhausted. EDIT: we stopped by a 7-11 to pick up some snack for our road trip to Antelope Canyon. We had planned to drive all the way to Antelope Canyon for a tour and also see Horseshoe Bend. Departure time was 2AM...
Friday, July 24, 2016
The drive there was a bit of a blur. Sincere props to my friend for driving all the way through. I gotta be honest though I was kind of PTSD'ing because every time I fell asleep and the drive would hit the off road bumps, I would kind of wake up in fear that the car would be losing control (I was recently in an accident). So I was a bit restless. We arrived at our destination about an hour early so we parked by a supermarket where we proceeded to stretch, eat some breakfast and apply suntan lotion. Most of us switched to sneakers since we knew we were going to be hiking a bit. Our tour guide Colby was pretty good. Knew all the right spots and angles to take inside the canyon to get beautiful pictures. Apparently blew everyone's minds by introducing them to the vertical panorama.
The canyon itself was neat. There were a bunch of daddy long legs which I haven't seen around in Jersey for a long time so that was refreshing. On the exit there was a spot on the rocks where people had carved their names and stuff. As well as some tumble weed that was immediately used to pretend we had antlers... and something about mating season.
After getting back in town we found a place nearby to eat. Delicious stuff. It had kind of a diner motif. I had something called the "spicy tortilla" and a peach cobbler a la mode. The thing was basically a huge, un-closed burrito, filled with hash browns, eggs, peppers, and chorizo - topped with cheese. I couldn't finish all of it and there was just a tiny bit left. It probably didn't help that I put all the hot sauce over it either. How you gonna call something spicy when it's not spicy. Psh. I learned later on that this was a terrible decision. But we'll get to that later.
The drive to Horseshoe bend wasn't that bad I believe. But when we finally did arrive it was approaching the afternoon so the heat was just a little bit unbearable. There was about a 1.5 mile hike to the view and the people there had made sure everyone had a bottle of water before walking out. How nice. I had actually read about a bunch of people dying from heat exhaustion before going on the trip so I made sure I was ready for it. The hike to the site wasn't bad at all - downhill. It made for some pretty rewarding photos.
The hike uphill back to the car wasn't terrible, but we stopped to rest halfway just in case. We had originally planned to go see the grand canyon as well, but the timing was going to be off so we decided to push it to the next day as our schedule was just planning to sleep in. Our long drive back was where I had some trouble. I needed to poop. Badly. I knew I was going to have to leaving the restaurant but it would hit like a wrecking ball as SOON as we hit the area of the road where nothing existed. I had informed the driver that I need to stop to poop at the next one but we had to have passed 4 or 5 places which were each like 10-15 minutes apart before we actually stopped at one. I was kinda being polite, saying "no rush" and stuff like that, but I was dying. I broke out in like a feverish state and I developed goosebumps like I've never seen before. I don't even know how but I managed to fall asleep for a little bit to pass the time before arriving at the stop. When I got there I went straight to the bathroom at let myself explode. Politely. I made sure to flush every spurt. And the only expel with someone else had flushed or turned on the sink or hand dryer to mitigate the sound. It was so satisfying. Made it the rest of the trip back, falling asleep for pretty much all of it.
I woke up to some drama on the phone so I dealt with it a bit while everyone got ready to go to the pool again for round two. Actually, we had planned on going to the lazy river but a young girl informed us that someone had pooped in it and they had to close it that day to clean it. Bummer. How could she have known these details anyway...
We got a spot poolside where we partook in some drinks and waded in the shallow end. We hovered around the water volleyball court and eventually it was freed up for us to use. It was a pretty good time, and great for me cuz my knees have been terrible to me lately. The ball was some cheap replica of the official ball and it was really heavy. Bummer. After some good play we went back up to prepare for our next event: Cirque de Soleil: ONE (tribute to Michael Jackson). We had gotten checked out of our room by accident and none of our keys worked. They checked in a nother couple before realizing their mistake and got put into a different room. Very scary, very frustrating.
Before the show we actually ate a buffet. Not a great decision. Good food though, I had about 3 plates and a dessert plate. Personal favorites were the Swedish meatballs and the panko crusted salmon. There was this desert which was basically under-cooked brownie with marshmallows all over it. Delicious. And a key lime pie that was WAY too tart. Bummer.
The show was great. Remember the second not great decision? The buffet gave me a serious case of the itis. There were some parts of the show that was just literally a narrator telling a bed time story in a dark room with lights resembling stars. And they were playing MJ's ballads that I didn't really know. I must've twitch-slept like 50 times before actually waking up for some of the songs I recognized. I personally liked Man in the Mirror, Black and White, and I think it was Billie Jean that played when the dancers were just in the dark with light up suits.
We got out of the show and I needed to take part 2 of my dump - so I did that while the group bought the souvenir pictures and took some more photos. Before entering the show we had taken note of some bars and clubs in the casino. We decided to go to them after the show. I was worried some of them wouldn't let a few of us in since we were wearing shorts, but it was all good. We started out at this lounge area where we all bought our round of drinks. Eventually we made to the bar/club area where I bought everyone a blowjob at midnight. But really it was for the birthday boy.
After that we went to the dance floor where we danced for like 2 or 3 hours before we headed back to the resort. I think I got hit on by someone. Either way, that night was pretty fun.
Saturday, July 25, 2016
We slept in, of course. Eventually we all got up and got ready to go to the Grand Canyon, West Rim. We got Denny's for breakfast. Drove by the hoover dam, but I didn't see it. Stopped by this really interesting gas station that was... alien themed. During the drive we got a call from the hotel rep refunding us some money from the room problem. We stopped by a scenic spot where we took a couple pictures and then we finally got to the Grand Canyon area. Apparently it was part of the Native American land and not the national park so it was handled a little differently. We had to buy ticked for a bus that shuttled us around the various areas. The first stop was a small village where they had some small activities, lasso-ing, quick draw firing, horseshoes. Took one of my favorite group pictures by a statue of a horse. Next stop was the sky walk. Took some panoramas beforehand because we weren't allowed that equipment on the skywalk.
The skywalk was very entertaining. Scared my a bit and I muttered something about my balls tingling to the photographer and he had a great time taking our photos. Should've repaid him by taking one with him, but that bright idea came too little too late. The last stop was guano point. Looked like poop but the view from the top was amazing. We actually lost track of time and so we pushed our dinner reservation at this steakhouse from 7:30 to 9. It took a little long for everyone to get ready. Dinner was expensive, but the food was good. Had a steak, lobster, and shrimp trio with some Reisling to drink. Got some type of caramel chocolate bomb for dessert. Good conversation and a wonderful dinner all around. With the meal at the steakhouse came free access to their rooftop bar/club so we hung around there for a bit after dinner. Not gonna lie, there were some ratchet people up there. Some bachelorettes, some graduates, some middle aged women. But hey, when in Vegas, right?
We had the idea to pregame before actually going out clubbing, but it didn't really fit into our schedule. So we diced to drive back to our room and stop by as liquor store to pregame before heading out again. I changed clothes into something more comfortable. The pregame was fun, but one of the travelers stayed behind as it was kind of late. Tbh I would've too if I didn't find second energy in all the sugary drinks. Plus the environment was a bit awkward because the drive to the liquor store was a bit irritating. I felt bad for the driver. She was a trooper. Again, mad respect.
After the pregame we headed to the gay club the birthday boy was requesting, where the cover charge for the club included a drink voucher. Neat. Got 1 or two drinks and danced the night away. Guy on the stripper pole were good looking. The attendees at the club were not, to be perfectly honest. Still the song choices were good but the DJ was not so good. Transitioning between songs was pretty much a mood killer. Something hilarious happened on the way back to our car, but I can't exactly remember what it was. We got back and passed out pretty easily.
Sunday, July 26, 2016
We caught our flight ~ 30 mins before boarding. Had some Popeyes beforehand. It was a bit stressful leaving because we left 2 sleepyheads behind to make sure they checked out on time. Additionally, the lines for checking bags and TSA seemed endless - but in the end I guess it wasn't that bad. We flew Southwest. It was terrible. You don't get assigned seats. Instead you board in some order and fill in the seats like a bus. Our group of 4 managed to save a trio of seats and I was stuck sitting next to strangers. I didn't mind since it was the same for another on our way there. The lady sitting next to me was grotesquely obese, so I did my best to fall asleep often and keep busy.
We landed, got the baggage, and hitched the AirTrain to the train stop, though I dramatically missed the first AirTrain out because of my lack of good judgement on people. One of the train workers gave me some shit for it. Good times. We caught the train back to my car where we proceeded to finish the trip with another buffet dinner.
Thoughts
The birthday boy had said that if you ever have the chance to set something up like this with your closest friends, that you should do it. I agree. Though I would probably go to another friends birthday rather than having the main focus on me. Either way, if you ever read this, thank you for considering me for this trip. I had a great time with you and everyone else. I am grateful to having met you those 9 (approaching 10) years ago, and developing our friendship through our shared loves of volleyball, adventure, and unwarranted sass. I hope we can continue to grow closer as friends as you begin to depart on your next adventure, doing things that you seem born to do and can do so naturally well - to help and care for others. #HBJS28
ta ta kids
Thursday, July 23, 2016
Our flight was at 8 in the morning. The plan was to have me pick everyone up at a central location, head off to work where I could leave my car and take the train to the airport. There were some late arrivals and I had to stop by and get cash from the bank. I arrived relatively on time, but there was some talk on grabbing breakfast. So yes we missed our train. The next one was going to be in an hour, which I found kind of odd but hey just our luck.
To remedy the situation, we all split an Uber from the train station to the airport where we delighted the driver with talks of gossip girl and other TV shows. From there we breezed through TSA and caught our flight to our first layover in Minneapolis, Minnesota. There we found out that our transfer flight was delayed an hour. Bummer. So we decided to grab some lunch in the airport while we wait (which in retrospect was a bad idea and we could've saved that to take a trip to In N Out). I got a chicken wasabi salad wrap and a chocolate coconut cupcake. Our gate changed. Bummer. While we waited at our new gate, a friend ordered orange creamsicle-type shots from the bar. It was definitely more alcohol than orange creamsicle. But it did good to lift the spirit of the group.
When we landed in Vegas we went to baggage claim to retrieve some checked bags. I proceeded to go to Starbucks to get a "you are here" mug edition for Las Vegas. We went towards the car rental area where a friend is a member of a certain company - gave us permission to just go to the lot and take any car we wanted. We were eyeing these large infinities that we eventually decided not to take as the back seats were a bit tight. A rep found a Ford Expedition and we took that right away. The drive to the resort was quick, although we did get a bit lost getting out of the airport. Actually, we had to drive back in to pick up another friend coming in. We got to the resort and were told our room wasn't ready yet. I actually don't remember what happened, but as we were leaving we got told our room was in fact ready (that privilege). So we unpacked and waited for some stragglers to arrive. We changed into trunks and hung around by the pool. I found out I wasn't very tan that day.
It was hot.
After some tanning and a quick dip we prepared ourselves for dinner and Rock of Ages. We planned to go a buffet when a HUGE CROWD OF WHITE PEOPLE JUST WALTZED THE FUCK IN. So we had Vietnamese instead. I got roasted duck. Actually this food was delicious. But it had better be since it was kinda pricey.
 |
| Quack. |
It was a great show. Great acting and amazing voices. The female lead took a bit of getting used to to look at, however. Must've been the stripper seen that did it. Male lead looked like Sebastian Stan. Additionally, I kept getting shit because one of the comedic male roles seemed to remind everyone of me. Flattering, really! I don't remember much after the show but I must've passed out since I was so exhausted. EDIT: we stopped by a 7-11 to pick up some snack for our road trip to Antelope Canyon. We had planned to drive all the way to Antelope Canyon for a tour and also see Horseshoe Bend. Departure time was 2AM...
Friday, July 24, 2016
The drive there was a bit of a blur. Sincere props to my friend for driving all the way through. I gotta be honest though I was kind of PTSD'ing because every time I fell asleep and the drive would hit the off road bumps, I would kind of wake up in fear that the car would be losing control (I was recently in an accident). So I was a bit restless. We arrived at our destination about an hour early so we parked by a supermarket where we proceeded to stretch, eat some breakfast and apply suntan lotion. Most of us switched to sneakers since we knew we were going to be hiking a bit. Our tour guide Colby was pretty good. Knew all the right spots and angles to take inside the canyon to get beautiful pictures. Apparently blew everyone's minds by introducing them to the vertical panorama.
 |
| It's a candle. Or a butt plug. |
After getting back in town we found a place nearby to eat. Delicious stuff. It had kind of a diner motif. I had something called the "spicy tortilla" and a peach cobbler a la mode. The thing was basically a huge, un-closed burrito, filled with hash browns, eggs, peppers, and chorizo - topped with cheese. I couldn't finish all of it and there was just a tiny bit left. It probably didn't help that I put all the hot sauce over it either. How you gonna call something spicy when it's not spicy. Psh. I learned later on that this was a terrible decision. But we'll get to that later.
The drive to Horseshoe bend wasn't that bad I believe. But when we finally did arrive it was approaching the afternoon so the heat was just a little bit unbearable. There was about a 1.5 mile hike to the view and the people there had made sure everyone had a bottle of water before walking out. How nice. I had actually read about a bunch of people dying from heat exhaustion before going on the trip so I made sure I was ready for it. The hike to the site wasn't bad at all - downhill. It made for some pretty rewarding photos.
 |
| They call it horseshoe bend because this was the site where they found out in order to make shoes for horses, you had to bend the metal stuff. |
I woke up to some drama on the phone so I dealt with it a bit while everyone got ready to go to the pool again for round two. Actually, we had planned on going to the lazy river but a young girl informed us that someone had pooped in it and they had to close it that day to clean it. Bummer. How could she have known these details anyway...
We got a spot poolside where we partook in some drinks and waded in the shallow end. We hovered around the water volleyball court and eventually it was freed up for us to use. It was a pretty good time, and great for me cuz my knees have been terrible to me lately. The ball was some cheap replica of the official ball and it was really heavy. Bummer. After some good play we went back up to prepare for our next event: Cirque de Soleil: ONE (tribute to Michael Jackson). We had gotten checked out of our room by accident and none of our keys worked. They checked in a nother couple before realizing their mistake and got put into a different room. Very scary, very frustrating.
Before the show we actually ate a buffet. Not a great decision. Good food though, I had about 3 plates and a dessert plate. Personal favorites were the Swedish meatballs and the panko crusted salmon. There was this desert which was basically under-cooked brownie with marshmallows all over it. Delicious. And a key lime pie that was WAY too tart. Bummer.
The show was great. Remember the second not great decision? The buffet gave me a serious case of the itis. There were some parts of the show that was just literally a narrator telling a bed time story in a dark room with lights resembling stars. And they were playing MJ's ballads that I didn't really know. I must've twitch-slept like 50 times before actually waking up for some of the songs I recognized. I personally liked Man in the Mirror, Black and White, and I think it was Billie Jean that played when the dancers were just in the dark with light up suits.
We got out of the show and I needed to take part 2 of my dump - so I did that while the group bought the souvenir pictures and took some more photos. Before entering the show we had taken note of some bars and clubs in the casino. We decided to go to them after the show. I was worried some of them wouldn't let a few of us in since we were wearing shorts, but it was all good. We started out at this lounge area where we all bought our round of drinks. Eventually we made to the bar/club area where I bought everyone a blowjob at midnight. But really it was for the birthday boy.
 |
| THE DRINK. PERVS. |
Saturday, July 25, 2016
We slept in, of course. Eventually we all got up and got ready to go to the Grand Canyon, West Rim. We got Denny's for breakfast. Drove by the hoover dam, but I didn't see it. Stopped by this really interesting gas station that was... alien themed. During the drive we got a call from the hotel rep refunding us some money from the room problem. We stopped by a scenic spot where we took a couple pictures and then we finally got to the Grand Canyon area. Apparently it was part of the Native American land and not the national park so it was handled a little differently. We had to buy ticked for a bus that shuttled us around the various areas. The first stop was a small village where they had some small activities, lasso-ing, quick draw firing, horseshoes. Took one of my favorite group pictures by a statue of a horse. Next stop was the sky walk. Took some panoramas beforehand because we weren't allowed that equipment on the skywalk.
 |
| ECHOOOOOOOOOOO |
We had the idea to pregame before actually going out clubbing, but it didn't really fit into our schedule. So we diced to drive back to our room and stop by as liquor store to pregame before heading out again. I changed clothes into something more comfortable. The pregame was fun, but one of the travelers stayed behind as it was kind of late. Tbh I would've too if I didn't find second energy in all the sugary drinks. Plus the environment was a bit awkward because the drive to the liquor store was a bit irritating. I felt bad for the driver. She was a trooper. Again, mad respect.
After the pregame we headed to the gay club the birthday boy was requesting, where the cover charge for the club included a drink voucher. Neat. Got 1 or two drinks and danced the night away. Guy on the stripper pole were good looking. The attendees at the club were not, to be perfectly honest. Still the song choices were good but the DJ was not so good. Transitioning between songs was pretty much a mood killer. Something hilarious happened on the way back to our car, but I can't exactly remember what it was. We got back and passed out pretty easily.
Sunday, July 26, 2016
We caught our flight ~ 30 mins before boarding. Had some Popeyes beforehand. It was a bit stressful leaving because we left 2 sleepyheads behind to make sure they checked out on time. Additionally, the lines for checking bags and TSA seemed endless - but in the end I guess it wasn't that bad. We flew Southwest. It was terrible. You don't get assigned seats. Instead you board in some order and fill in the seats like a bus. Our group of 4 managed to save a trio of seats and I was stuck sitting next to strangers. I didn't mind since it was the same for another on our way there. The lady sitting next to me was grotesquely obese, so I did my best to fall asleep often and keep busy.
We landed, got the baggage, and hitched the AirTrain to the train stop, though I dramatically missed the first AirTrain out because of my lack of good judgement on people. One of the train workers gave me some shit for it. Good times. We caught the train back to my car where we proceeded to finish the trip with another buffet dinner.
Thoughts
The birthday boy had said that if you ever have the chance to set something up like this with your closest friends, that you should do it. I agree. Though I would probably go to another friends birthday rather than having the main focus on me. Either way, if you ever read this, thank you for considering me for this trip. I had a great time with you and everyone else. I am grateful to having met you those 9 (approaching 10) years ago, and developing our friendship through our shared loves of volleyball, adventure, and unwarranted sass. I hope we can continue to grow closer as friends as you begin to depart on your next adventure, doing things that you seem born to do and can do so naturally well - to help and care for others. #HBJS28
ta ta kids
on Tuesday, June 21, 2016
Interesting thought. And it's a good topic to talk about in light of some recent things that have been going on in the world. Maybe this will turn into a meaningful discussion, or maybe it'll just spiral out of control and I won't even end up answering the question. Regardless, let's get right to it.
I've been feeling weak as of late. It's been about 3 weeks since returning from Orlando for a huge volleyball tournament. Weeks prior to going, I did very well in making sure I was running or doing some type of workout every day. Worked on my arms and legs to make sure I was primed for the tournament. The event had it's ups and downs, with a satisfying enough finish. The day after finals I was my regular sore, like I'm used to. I enjoyed that type of pain. It lets me know that I worked hard and I deserved a rest. I could usually be back on the horse after a week or so. As I mentioned before, it's been 3 weeks. It's not to say that I don't think I could step on a court and play right now - but there are some things I'm feeling in my body that I haven't really felt before. It's troubling. I've known for a long time now that I wasn't the spry 19 year old player I was, nor am I the pure combination of strength and mind when I was 22 or 23. I've hit my glory days and I'll say this to most every player I know, I'm on my decline. It's easy to admit to your teammates, but it's hard to admit to yourself.
I feel powerless when my body says no to the things I used to be able to do. It's infuriating. Perhaps it's the lifestyle I live catching up to me. No, I'm not a cross country runner, I'm not a paid athlete. I'm the type of guy who checks himself in front of the mirror and says, "wow I'm getting fat, let's work to get back to the shape I was when I looked in my mirror and said, 'I'm happy where you are.'" (Side note: that quote within a quote was a formatting nightmare). Anyway, the dream is to be able to see some abs and get rid of those pesky love handles, but good god damn I love food way too much. When you're raised by a culture that embraces food so much that there's a meal dedicated to just throwing shit on a table and eating with your hands? ... how can you not.
But yes. I feel powerless. Knowing that I can't really weight bear on my left knee. Knowing that every time I go to jump, it was never, and is never going to be, as high that it once was. A vivid memory I have when I was 19 was when I went to attack a ball, I could see everyone on the other side of the court - and I cranked in on the 10-11 foot line, center court. Fast forward to 23-24 yrs old I remember the same feeling, but ONLY because a block was dropped. And now, at 26-27 - I'm lucky if I can see holes anywhere in the opposing teams defense (but they're there). Maybe I'm just having a midlife crisis for those who played a sport. Maybe I'll have another resurgence of energy and skill. There was a point in time where I wasn't taking pain killers to play in my 22-24 years. Those were the days.
I feel powerless knowing that my life is not necessarily controlled by me. I can only do a small part to know that I'm not going to step in front of traffic, or jump of a cliff. If someone, someday, somewhere, decides that it's my turn to die - I'm powerless. 49 people never got to choose. A musician never got to choose. It's insulting. We, as arguably the smartest beings on this planet, have the power to choose. But at the same time there is so much about us that we cannot control. I will feel powerless when I take a trip later this week, knowing that I'll enter the same environment where 49 people never got to choose. I will feel powerless knowing that someone else's choice to execute impedes my choice to live. Life is truly unfair.
And don't even get my started on those presidential hopefuls. If you think we're powerless now - then stay tuned.
ta ta kids.
I've been feeling weak as of late. It's been about 3 weeks since returning from Orlando for a huge volleyball tournament. Weeks prior to going, I did very well in making sure I was running or doing some type of workout every day. Worked on my arms and legs to make sure I was primed for the tournament. The event had it's ups and downs, with a satisfying enough finish. The day after finals I was my regular sore, like I'm used to. I enjoyed that type of pain. It lets me know that I worked hard and I deserved a rest. I could usually be back on the horse after a week or so. As I mentioned before, it's been 3 weeks. It's not to say that I don't think I could step on a court and play right now - but there are some things I'm feeling in my body that I haven't really felt before. It's troubling. I've known for a long time now that I wasn't the spry 19 year old player I was, nor am I the pure combination of strength and mind when I was 22 or 23. I've hit my glory days and I'll say this to most every player I know, I'm on my decline. It's easy to admit to your teammates, but it's hard to admit to yourself.
I feel powerless when my body says no to the things I used to be able to do. It's infuriating. Perhaps it's the lifestyle I live catching up to me. No, I'm not a cross country runner, I'm not a paid athlete. I'm the type of guy who checks himself in front of the mirror and says, "wow I'm getting fat, let's work to get back to the shape I was when I looked in my mirror and said, 'I'm happy where you are.'" (Side note: that quote within a quote was a formatting nightmare). Anyway, the dream is to be able to see some abs and get rid of those pesky love handles, but good god damn I love food way too much. When you're raised by a culture that embraces food so much that there's a meal dedicated to just throwing shit on a table and eating with your hands? ... how can you not.
 |
| Look at it. Hows that blood pressure? |
I feel powerless knowing that my life is not necessarily controlled by me. I can only do a small part to know that I'm not going to step in front of traffic, or jump of a cliff. If someone, someday, somewhere, decides that it's my turn to die - I'm powerless. 49 people never got to choose. A musician never got to choose. It's insulting. We, as arguably the smartest beings on this planet, have the power to choose. But at the same time there is so much about us that we cannot control. I will feel powerless when I take a trip later this week, knowing that I'll enter the same environment where 49 people never got to choose. I will feel powerless knowing that someone else's choice to execute impedes my choice to live. Life is truly unfair.
And don't even get my started on those presidential hopefuls. If you think we're powerless now - then stay tuned.
ta ta kids.
on Friday, May 20, 2016
DON'T SPOIL IT!
So this horse is watching MTV. This is in the 90s where MTV actually had music on it. Anyway, the horse sees a segment on Jimi Hendrix, and decides there and then he wants to become an internationally-acclaimed guitar player (because, as we all know, all horses are left-handed).
So this horse works at this shitty job for a couple of months, earning enough money to buy himself a low-end Strat. He starts playing Hendrix songs in his spare time, trying to recreate the sound he fell in love with. Eventually, he records a few covers and gets on YouTube with them.
Now, this horse thinks he's doing pretty well, and decides to start a band with the other guys from the nearby farm. So he goes up to his friend, that just happens to be a chicken, and tries to get him to be the bass player, as the chicken was a sweet-ass bass player in college. Chicken agrees and decides to bust out his old bass from the attic; they learn the rest of Hendrix's first album.
Now the horse and chicken think they can go pretty far, and decide to ask their friend, that happens to be a cow, if she can play the drums for the band. She agrees, and they all decide to pool their money together to get this awesome fucking set of drums for Cow. So Cow learns the drum parts for all the Hendrix songs, and they reckon they can go really fucking far with this.
But guess the fuck what? They need a fucking singer to complete the set. So Cow goes up to her friend, who knows can sing like a fucking legend, and asks him to join the band. For the purposes of the joke, the singer is a pig. So Pig learns all the parts for Hendrix's first album and they eventually decide to branch off and make a load of different songs.
This horse, as the band frontman, gets the band to go global - they start performing at gigs across Europe, Asia and the Americas, with the help of the farmer himself (who was slightly bemused at his animals talking, let alone being a fucking band), and eventually get noticed by none other than Jay Leno himself. Leno invites them to California to perform at his show, which coincided with the kick-off for their cross-US tour.
So the horse, as the frontman, flies over to California first to set up and make sure the gig runs smoothly. Everything's good, and the rest of the band, a week later, board a plane to California as well.
However, the plane ditches into the ocean, sadly killing all the passengers, including the band and the farmer as manager. A couple of days later, Horse hears about this and becomes distraught at the deaths he basically caused.
Horse hits a full-on depression, and decides to kill himself so as to be reunited with his friends. He roams the seedy back-alleys of California, trying to find the shittiest club so as to drown his troubles away. Eventually, he finds one, takes 15 Ketamine pills and walks in. He orders the most alcoholic thing the club can offer, and sits in a corner of the bar, waiting for Death.
The owner of the club sees this obviously distraught horse, and walks over to him to try and help.
"Hey," he says, "why the long face?"
on Friday, March 4, 2016
Ohhhhhhhhhhhh lawd I've never had such an itch to scratch and a rant to rant about more than now. It's something I need to get off my chest while the emotions are still simmering in there, because I've had to keep them in check since the night before. I thought about different mediums to vent, but this will probably the best option as it will it some cases be the most effective and also the most passive aggressive. Let's FUCKING go already!
Volleyball and the Human Emotion 101
It's no surprise that I love volleyball, there's been posts about it before and mainly they focus on the positive (I think). It's time to get into some negatives I experience about the game. I'm not gonna really be sensitive about your knowledge of the game so please excuse any technical lingo that blow over your heads. This is a rant for me, not you.
Men's and Women's volleyball can be really different. There are many similar aspects to the game and certainly there are a few exceptions to the following rant topics, but to me the games are different. Women's volleyball tends keep longer rally's with a focus on defense, while men tend to want to end plays right away. The list can go on forever but my rant topic is one listed above: the human emotion.
I'm not gonna lie, keeping your emotions in check on the court is a hard thing to do. I tell most people one of the reasons why I love this game so much is that you can celebrate by doing whatever you want on the court as long it isn't obviously directed at anyone on the other side of the team. The best bart? They can't do anything about it because there's a net separating your teams. It's like the volleyball version of being a troll on the internet, you are granted safety (at least until the end of the match). Everyone gets affected by taunts and celebrations, missed serves and shanked balls. It's how you deal with it that makes the difference in the long run.
That being said, there are some times when life affects you and you bring that into the game. I'm pretty guilty of it sometimes and it sucks. Usually I play the game to make me feel better, and it usually does, but I'd be lying to you if I told you it didn't affect my game. But that's cool. I take pride in doing my best by keeping my emotions in check during a match. That's not to say I've had a few bad matches myself. Regardless, the real problem is how your attitude can affect the most important people around you - your team. Everyone's got their job, attackers gotta put the ball down, libero's gotta pick up that defense, middle blockers double duty on putting the ball down and putting up a solid defensive wall at the net. Setters gotta run the plays that matter. But hey let's expand on that.
Over the years I've gone through many setters: some who get me, some who listen, some who are the best for everyone but me, and the few that just fill in because we need hands. Some sound advice for anyone filling in: know your hitters, trust them, and keep them warm. Every setter/person is different. They have odd ways of knowing who to set, and why they set the way they do. One in particular loves giving a hitter a second try if they didn't put it down the first time. Mixed feelings on that approach but hey, I'm not an expert. The whole "keep your hitters warm" thing seems really important to me because why wouldn't you? I'm getting off topic here - just some background information before the real rant begins... so how does any of this relate?
Last night I experienced the most disrespectful treatment on the court I've ever received. As a hitter, being actively (and not being subtle about it) not set is insulting and irrational. All stemming from some recent bad times OFF THE COURT (this is important), the setter in a match I played in did their best to make sure I didn't get my chance to be offensively useful. So let's get the rant out of the way... (prepare for shade)
I don't give a flying fuck what happens off the court between us. You leave it OFF THE COURT. You're not a perfect setter. Just because the ball doesn't spin when it releases your hands and is a foot and a half off the net doesn't mean I'm going to crank the ball. I'm a damn good outside hitter and everyone knows that. I'll make the decision to swing at what I want to swing, where, and how hard. You do not dictate that for me. Especially since you are not a setter. News flash, the other hitter wasn't hitting well to begin with at first, but hey, he got more attempts later on and guess what? He was finally putting some balls down. Wish I would've known how that felt that night. Because of your immaturity (and lack of good sets in general when I actually received one), I never got to warm up to be useful offensively. You'd rather back-set a middle, or push the opposite so far past the antennae everyone on our defense rolls their eyes (and everyone on the other side of the net has the biggest shit eating grin I've ever seen). You know what I did? Recognized the issue and played on. I stuck my hand out for low-fives that were ignored by you. Still passed on target when I literally could've put that ball anywhere else but your hands (I can almost feel your scoff as you read this sentence). Got ready for an approach even knowing I wouldn't get set. Encouraged the team.
We lost two out of the three games. To old people and a Latino try-hard sub. Because of you. And you know what sucks the most? Because it was your fault, it was also my fault, and everyone else's fault. That's a team for you. Take your inferiority complex with me anywhere else but on the court where - like it or not - we're on the same team and hopefully we share the same goal: to win the game.
I've played on teams with people I didn't particularly like either. I'm mature enough to know that that doesn't matter because we all stood on the same side of the court, wearing the same colors, sharing the same goals.
This is probably why you "hate" the team you're playing with in an upcoming tournament in the south east area of the US. Ever think that it's not your teammates that are the problem? Ever think that it's just you? Maybe you should just suck it up and play the TEAM GAME with the people YOU CHOSE TO BE WITH?! Food for thought.
I hope you got it out of your system. This league that we play in is pretty low priority in terms of what it means to me, but I still want to win it. Our volleyball lives are regrettably intertwined so there will be matches and tournaments that matter to me more than this. If you continue along this path and fail to GET OVER YOURSELF, then I can make sure that you and I never play on the same side of the court ever again.
But I can't work miracles. If we're on the same side, you can be sure I'll continue to do what I do. You can continue to be a child, or you can start knowing what it's like to be an athlete.
Seriously we should probably talk.
ta ta kids
Volleyball and the Human Emotion 101
It's no surprise that I love volleyball, there's been posts about it before and mainly they focus on the positive (I think). It's time to get into some negatives I experience about the game. I'm not gonna really be sensitive about your knowledge of the game so please excuse any technical lingo that blow over your heads. This is a rant for me, not you.
Men's and Women's volleyball can be really different. There are many similar aspects to the game and certainly there are a few exceptions to the following rant topics, but to me the games are different. Women's volleyball tends keep longer rally's with a focus on defense, while men tend to want to end plays right away. The list can go on forever but my rant topic is one listed above: the human emotion.
I'm not gonna lie, keeping your emotions in check on the court is a hard thing to do. I tell most people one of the reasons why I love this game so much is that you can celebrate by doing whatever you want on the court as long it isn't obviously directed at anyone on the other side of the team. The best bart? They can't do anything about it because there's a net separating your teams. It's like the volleyball version of being a troll on the internet, you are granted safety (at least until the end of the match). Everyone gets affected by taunts and celebrations, missed serves and shanked balls. It's how you deal with it that makes the difference in the long run.
That being said, there are some times when life affects you and you bring that into the game. I'm pretty guilty of it sometimes and it sucks. Usually I play the game to make me feel better, and it usually does, but I'd be lying to you if I told you it didn't affect my game. But that's cool. I take pride in doing my best by keeping my emotions in check during a match. That's not to say I've had a few bad matches myself. Regardless, the real problem is how your attitude can affect the most important people around you - your team. Everyone's got their job, attackers gotta put the ball down, libero's gotta pick up that defense, middle blockers double duty on putting the ball down and putting up a solid defensive wall at the net. Setters gotta run the plays that matter. But hey let's expand on that.
Over the years I've gone through many setters: some who get me, some who listen, some who are the best for everyone but me, and the few that just fill in because we need hands. Some sound advice for anyone filling in: know your hitters, trust them, and keep them warm. Every setter/person is different. They have odd ways of knowing who to set, and why they set the way they do. One in particular loves giving a hitter a second try if they didn't put it down the first time. Mixed feelings on that approach but hey, I'm not an expert. The whole "keep your hitters warm" thing seems really important to me because why wouldn't you? I'm getting off topic here - just some background information before the real rant begins... so how does any of this relate?
Last night I experienced the most disrespectful treatment on the court I've ever received. As a hitter, being actively (and not being subtle about it) not set is insulting and irrational. All stemming from some recent bad times OFF THE COURT (this is important), the setter in a match I played in did their best to make sure I didn't get my chance to be offensively useful. So let's get the rant out of the way... (prepare for shade)
 |
| Am I even using the term correctly? |
I don't give a flying fuck what happens off the court between us. You leave it OFF THE COURT. You're not a perfect setter. Just because the ball doesn't spin when it releases your hands and is a foot and a half off the net doesn't mean I'm going to crank the ball. I'm a damn good outside hitter and everyone knows that. I'll make the decision to swing at what I want to swing, where, and how hard. You do not dictate that for me. Especially since you are not a setter. News flash, the other hitter wasn't hitting well to begin with at first, but hey, he got more attempts later on and guess what? He was finally putting some balls down. Wish I would've known how that felt that night. Because of your immaturity (and lack of good sets in general when I actually received one), I never got to warm up to be useful offensively. You'd rather back-set a middle, or push the opposite so far past the antennae everyone on our defense rolls their eyes (and everyone on the other side of the net has the biggest shit eating grin I've ever seen). You know what I did? Recognized the issue and played on. I stuck my hand out for low-fives that were ignored by you. Still passed on target when I literally could've put that ball anywhere else but your hands (I can almost feel your scoff as you read this sentence). Got ready for an approach even knowing I wouldn't get set. Encouraged the team.
We lost two out of the three games. To old people and a Latino try-hard sub. Because of you. And you know what sucks the most? Because it was your fault, it was also my fault, and everyone else's fault. That's a team for you. Take your inferiority complex with me anywhere else but on the court where - like it or not - we're on the same team and hopefully we share the same goal: to win the game.
I've played on teams with people I didn't particularly like either. I'm mature enough to know that that doesn't matter because we all stood on the same side of the court, wearing the same colors, sharing the same goals.
This is probably why you "hate" the team you're playing with in an upcoming tournament in the south east area of the US. Ever think that it's not your teammates that are the problem? Ever think that it's just you? Maybe you should just suck it up and play the TEAM GAME with the people YOU CHOSE TO BE WITH?! Food for thought.
I hope you got it out of your system. This league that we play in is pretty low priority in terms of what it means to me, but I still want to win it. Our volleyball lives are regrettably intertwined so there will be matches and tournaments that matter to me more than this. If you continue along this path and fail to GET OVER YOURSELF, then I can make sure that you and I never play on the same side of the court ever again.
But I can't work miracles. If we're on the same side, you can be sure I'll continue to do what I do. You can continue to be a child, or you can start knowing what it's like to be an athlete.
Seriously we should probably talk.
ta ta kids
on Monday, January 11, 2016
Prompt: Describe ways in which you do or do not show friendliness.
Interesting topic. It's also an interesting time to be writing, but hey, new year new me, right? I've thought about a topic like this before, whether or not I'm the asshole everyone thinks I am and if my friendlier actions not shine enough. Let's discuss and as always, we'll see where it goes.
I spend a lot of my time playing volleyball, and that's really no surprise. Playing in high school I was beginning to learn the game and learn where I was in my skill tree. I was good, not the best. It peaked around my early years in college, although still not quite enough do make an impact since non-asians can get quite tall. So I became smarter - which in volleyball is a different type of better. That's kind of where I am today, slowly finding a balance between power and wisdom. How does this all tie in to my friendliness? I play with a group of individuals that suits my balance for power and wisdom. Some of those individuals just happen to be assholes. And really there needs to be a different word for it because some of these people are the best I know. Either way, it's the type of asshole that is always mean whether you like it or not and it'd be up to you whether or not to take it seriously. That's where I am when I play volleyball or happen to be hanging out with that group of friends. Now because they are a pretty big part of my life - this is usually who you might probably see everyday. Heck, I just might not be nice at all and the rest of this post will be me in denial trying to find some friendly qualities.
So as of right now - I would not show friendliness. On the volleyball court I would try my best to make a psychological impact on the other team instead of boosting my own team's morale (although killing two birds with one stone is pretty nice sometimes). So it's like, yea I'm winning the game, but losing at life because I'm being such a dick about it.
Off the court I constantly harass and tease both friends and acquaintances to the personality I've developed. But for some reason, it's in a funny way that comes off as a joke so no one (except the rare few) is really offended. Let it be known here that I am fully aware of my actions and how they can hurt people - but who could argue with the results? I've become close to people I enjoy being with and - from what I know - they enjoy my company.
FLASHBACK/TRIVIA NOTE: In order to get "popular" in middle school I tried so hard to be who I wasn't... succeeded. I'm not entirely sure if I regret that decision or not. Future blog post?
So where does that leave the friendliness? I guess that might be found outside of my volleyball and volleyball related life (although some acts of kindness may find themselves sprinkled in there). Between my family, my job, my day to day life under no ones watchful eye I would honestly consider myself a friendly person. It may be hard to believe, but I believe it and that's all that matters. Be aware that there's a difference between friendly and nice. I'm not gonna go through it. Just know there is one. I may not look approachable, but I am - and I've been working on approaching people myself.
HORN TOOT: Did you know I held and shared an umbrella for an older woman/co-worker walking to the entrance to our building? Apparently she told my office mate about it and she told me it was an unexpectedly nice thing and caught her by surprise coming from a younger person.
I don't want to sound arrogant. I already spent most of this post admitting how much of an asshole I am/can be. That's really only my DEEP outer layer, the layer everyone can see, the layer that is exposed the most because of the people I hang out with and the things I do. But don't be surprised if I pick up the check, give you a ride home, or generally just take one for the team. A friendly person exists somewhere in this damaged soul, and there's enough light for it to shine every once in awhile.
ta ta kids
Interesting topic. It's also an interesting time to be writing, but hey, new year new me, right? I've thought about a topic like this before, whether or not I'm the asshole everyone thinks I am and if my friendlier actions not shine enough. Let's discuss and as always, we'll see where it goes.
I spend a lot of my time playing volleyball, and that's really no surprise. Playing in high school I was beginning to learn the game and learn where I was in my skill tree. I was good, not the best. It peaked around my early years in college, although still not quite enough do make an impact since non-asians can get quite tall. So I became smarter - which in volleyball is a different type of better. That's kind of where I am today, slowly finding a balance between power and wisdom. How does this all tie in to my friendliness? I play with a group of individuals that suits my balance for power and wisdom. Some of those individuals just happen to be assholes. And really there needs to be a different word for it because some of these people are the best I know. Either way, it's the type of asshole that is always mean whether you like it or not and it'd be up to you whether or not to take it seriously. That's where I am when I play volleyball or happen to be hanging out with that group of friends. Now because they are a pretty big part of my life - this is usually who you might probably see everyday. Heck, I just might not be nice at all and the rest of this post will be me in denial trying to find some friendly qualities.
So as of right now - I would not show friendliness. On the volleyball court I would try my best to make a psychological impact on the other team instead of boosting my own team's morale (although killing two birds with one stone is pretty nice sometimes). So it's like, yea I'm winning the game, but losing at life because I'm being such a dick about it.
 |
| Sums it up pretty well. |
FLASHBACK/TRIVIA NOTE: In order to get "popular" in middle school I tried so hard to be who I wasn't... succeeded. I'm not entirely sure if I regret that decision or not. Future blog post?
So where does that leave the friendliness? I guess that might be found outside of my volleyball and volleyball related life (although some acts of kindness may find themselves sprinkled in there). Between my family, my job, my day to day life under no ones watchful eye I would honestly consider myself a friendly person. It may be hard to believe, but I believe it and that's all that matters. Be aware that there's a difference between friendly and nice. I'm not gonna go through it. Just know there is one. I may not look approachable, but I am - and I've been working on approaching people myself.
HORN TOOT: Did you know I held and shared an umbrella for an older woman/co-worker walking to the entrance to our building? Apparently she told my office mate about it and she told me it was an unexpectedly nice thing and caught her by surprise coming from a younger person.
I don't want to sound arrogant. I already spent most of this post admitting how much of an asshole I am/can be. That's really only my DEEP outer layer, the layer everyone can see, the layer that is exposed the most because of the people I hang out with and the things I do. But don't be surprised if I pick up the check, give you a ride home, or generally just take one for the team. A friendly person exists somewhere in this damaged soul, and there's enough light for it to shine every once in awhile.
ta ta kids
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