It's been an interesting few months. A couple posts ago I rambled about the death of a co-worker. I felt angry and confused, disappointed at big business. A post later I rambled about current events and then nothing for next year or so. I'm not gonna say I didn't have much to write about. It fact, I've been wanting to post many topics on my mind but I guess my heart was just never really in it. Back to the topic here. Was there a topic? Here's the topic - death. Again. Listen, it's not a great topic - I totally get that - but remember when I said my heart wasn't in it? There's something about this time that makes me want to talk about it.
Let's hit this on the surface before we get any deeper. Satoru Iwata, CEO of Nintendo passed away recently via complications of his cancer. Everyone has been well aware of his condition as he's missed the last E3's to take care of himself. Anyway, I found out about his passing during dinner, and it kind of put me in a quiet mood for the rest of the night. No, I didn't know him - never met him. Why did learning about his passing have an effect on me? What was his influence on my life? Nothing. Directly, at least. It's no surprise to anyone that I'm a die hard Nintendo fan. I wouldn't necessarily go out of my way to shut anyone up if an XBOX vs PS vs Nintendo debate started happening (though I probably would've in the past), but I'm more of a let me like what I like type of guy, and I like Nintendo. A lot. Memories of games played on the Super Nintendo are some of the clearest memories I have of my childhood. I remember leaving the SNES in the Philippines for my cousins to have - when I got it back in my pre-teen years, I had the experience all over again. It was something my sister and I could bond over. Something my friends and I could bond over - and that evolved through the future consoles: N64 with mario kart, mario tennis, mario party, pokemon stadium, hexen - Gamecube with super smash brothers and super smash brothers and super smash brothers. When the Wii came out I was immersed in playing single player games and really developing my craft and lore for Zelda games. Even mores o with the Wii U and more. But I digress. Playing through all those games, learning how to be with people, learning who I am, learning how I should be, all of it could be credited to Iwata. It's strange to say - but his influence in my life was - still is - heavy even if indirectly. That's why I got quiet. The company and I will continue just being, but it's interesting that such a man could put me in a sad mood. Enough on that.
My father's father (my paternal grandfather) passed away recently as well. This is where the differences are interesting. Similar to the previous passing of a grandfather, I was largely unaffected... for now. I mentioned the idea a few posts ago, it isn't the idea of his death that saddens me, it's the idea that my father will be sad that saddens me. My grandfather was not around too much in my adult life, but I certainly did see him and was influenced by him a lot more. I'm not here to play favorites - it was just a fact. Whenever I went home to visit the two, one had wi-fi and the presence of cousins/kids my age and the other didn't have wi-fi. It's such a millennial thing to say, but it's easy to admit that being at one place was easier than the other, so it was natural that I just happened to see him more than the other. Anyway, I have very fond memories of this grandfather. I enjoyed his charisma, confidence, and leadership abilities. He could get anyone to listen to him. He enjoyed setting me up with random women. He always assured me that I was his favorite (true or not I guess that's just what grandparents do). I only wish to have as many accomplishments as you - including raising a son as well as you have. Here's my question. Why didn't I go quiet when I found out? Why was I less affected? This man was family. I still haven't shed a goddamn tear about it. My mom and sis flew home for his funeral. Why didn't I go? I tell everyone that I didn't want to go home because my last visual representation of him was a good one. 80th birthday celebration. He was happy, laughing, strong. I was pressured to come home before his dying moments. I didn't want to see him like that. I'm terrible at conveying emotion (obviously). Everyone would walk around looking miserable, crying, sad and I would just be sitting there seemingly unaffected. I don't want my family to think I don't care. I just don't mourn the traditional way of mourning. After he passed, I didn't want to seem like I should just drop everything and go to his funeral. I didn't do the same for my other grandfather - what makes him any more important? HIS WI-FI? Nah man, that ain't cool. The fact of the matter is, although I did see him more than the other, he still wasn't around enough his passing to have an effect on me. Cold hard truth. I am sad that he's gone. I'm not going to cry about it (yet). I'm sad that my father now knows what it feels like to have a father pass away. I'm sad that one day I will know the feeling.
He gave me his business card, my grandfather. A few years back. On the back he wrote "together, we'll change the world." Man you were pretty cool.
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Death is strange, isn't it? It effects everyone differently and yet we as a society are pressured to feel extreme sadness to show we care. I guess this is just my way of showing that I care. To both of you great gentlemen (great in their own ways), please rest happily in your afterlife. I'm not one to believe in ghosts or anything like that - but it'd be pretty cool if I got a random 1-UP one day during a video game session, or if some random chick walked by telling me that you told her that she should get to know me. I'm not interested Tatay, but thanks anyway.
ta ta kids
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