Kinda sounds like I'm gonna do some overly done terrible news coverage for 2016, but I'm not really. Just doing some reflecting for this year. So come along for the ride, If you want to.
Big changes this year. A lot of it in retrospect I didn't really see coming, but I'm glad they came. I've had some gains, some losses, pretty much the basic human experience. I'll probably start with the obvious topic. Volleyball, and maybe we'll touch up on my overall health.
Big year for volleyball. It was the first time that a group of us took a trip to the USAV Nationals tournament. For me though, I think this was a little too late for me. I've said multiple times that I'm way past my prime, but I'm doing my best to maintain my status as a "good player." Nationals in Orlando was a good experience. Seeing what's out there was awesome, becasue I've mostly been playing with and against the same people for the better part of 3 years. Seeing how other people play, play types, personalities, physiques, all really interesting. After a shitty time in pool play, we managed to get our shit together and get 2nd in our flight. I believe we could've won it though. The worst thing that came from Nationals is an injury. This injury took me a while to come to terms with, I thought it was something I could rest and recover from - but it seems like this one will be around for the rest of my life. My left knee. I don't know what happened to it and I'm really itching to find out. I can't bear weight on it as much anymore and it's affected the way I jump, as in not as high. That's important. So I've been doing that thing where I've been trying to strengthen the muscles around it to compensate which has gotten it a little better, but no where near where it was. So for 2017 I plan to make sure I assess that injury. It's affected my game in that I've learned to compensate my jump by putting all my energy elsewhere, but I'd really rather fix it instead.
A lot of focus went into Nationals, so our yearly Filipino only NABA tournament took a back seat in terms of training. We haven't won that tournament in 3 years (maybe 4?) and honestly I'm waiting for one more trip to the top before I stop. I think we need to pick up some younger guys and make sure I only play when I need to - but I wanna feel at the top again so I can close that chapter in my life. Good news is they seem to like playing at a venue really close to us, so we save a lot on travel expenses.
With all those volleyball concerns, I've already started to make sure I better myself for 2017. I joined the gym, plan to drop a good amount of weight and hopefully see where I stand for Nationals and NABA 2017. I can already see results in my hitting, I'm finding that I'm swinging harder at the ball. Also my endurance. I can keep up with longer rallies now, even though THERE SHOULDN'T BE ANY RALLY'S AT ALL (I'm looking at you womens volleyball). Anyway, that's where I'm at volleyball wise.
Expanding on some health, I had my first major procedure this year. I went under. And the time leading up to it I had some anxiety that I haven't experienced in a long time. I've always had this slight fear of going under for a surgery. It freaks my out when I can't control my own ability to fall asleep. Part of the reason why I don't take sleep aids. I don't like when something else is telling my body to go to sleep. It's unsettling. Either way, the procedure went well, and my fears about going under had subsided. They load you up with a lot of oxygen which makes you feel GREAT, and before you know it you're asleep and you wake up not having known what just happened. Which on its own right is pretty concerning but hey, you're supposed to be in good hands. Looking forward to solidifying a primary care physician so I can keep a closer eye on my overall health.
I've made new friends. I've lost some old friends. That's life. Through these experiences, I've done a good amount of reflecting on who I am - really deep stuff. I think maybe it's a little overdue but it's good that it came becasue it made me cherish all of the things I have right now in front of me. It's also teaching me how to let go (again) of things that perhaps I took for granted. If there's anything I know now from my past experiences is that time heals all wounds. But I absolutely hate the fact that it does. The process is slow, but it is rewarding. It's time for growth, rebuilding, changing who you are so that you're better suited for when it comes around the next time.
What do I think about what's happening in the world? Honestly, I don't really care becasue I"ve gone over this before - I have no power to change it all. Just gotta take it in. If you really want my opinion though, I think this world has become too sensitive, and it needs to reevaluate itself on its morals. I get that it's a pretty exaggerated statement, but we all need to learn how to "take a joke" once in a while, because all thees bullshit cries of racism, sexism, social justice, etc is just impeding growth and tolerance. I remember there being a story about a costume Disney was selling for the character in Moana being culturally insensitive because it was like pacific islander shaming or some shit like that. Come on people, that's what the character looks like. Get over yourself. Also the new trailer for Cars 3 where it was just Lightening McQueen crashing for like 2 minutes. Too dark for children? Remember when the old guys wife from Up died in the first 10 minutes of the movie? Or when Bing Bong fucking sacrificed himself? Or when all the Toy Story characters where about to be incinerated? Or like when Mufasa dies and Simba is literally crying under the paws of his dad's carcass? Lighten the fuck up people.
So tired of oversensitive pricks getting more of a voice than people who have REAL issues that need to be heard. The way our media covers news needs to change going forward. It's pathetic who they think deserves the spotlight.
Bleh I'm getting too worked up.
For 2017, I'm looking for what I always look for. A happier, healthier life. This could mean changes, this could mean losses and gains. Whatever it means I just want to be around for it.
ta ta kids.
on Thursday, December 8, 2016
Lately I've been doing some self evaluation. Sometimes I think it does the mind good. Looking back at a lot of my lost relationships (even those silly little non romantic kinds), I guess I always tried to convince myself that they were the problem, or the situation was the problem.
But I'm always an advocate of seeing things from multiple perspectives. I've looked at my perspective on them. their perspective on me. The only one I haven't looked at was my perspective... on me. Kinda like a 3rd person view of me. It's a mind blowing experience. Here is my finding. I'm a Manipulator.
I want the collective you to understand. To those who may know me, this may not be a surprise. For me, and this entry had been a draft for quite some time now - it's fairly new. Hours of research, some boozy nights, and self reflection all combine to give you whatever it is you're reading now. But I'm just babbling to try and avoid the point. So let's get to it. Here are some things that all emotional manipulators do, with some comments:
1. They Consistently Diminish Your Feelings
When you tell them, "It hurt me when you said ___," instead of offering a simple genuine apology or asking you to talk about how you felt, they will point out why you're wrong to feel that way and will likely diminish your feelings as being silly and say you're overreacting.
Love it. This is actually classic me. Whether or not my lack of emotions stems from being a professional manipulator, that statement hits home. Part of the reason why I try not to apologize is the lack of feeling that's expressed through it. Round and round we go. What I didn't take into account, however, is this next bit...
Their calm demeanor and your heightened emotion or sensitivity may trick you into doubting yourself. You start wondering maybe they're right? You then retreat into your own thoughts trying to process the interaction, feeling too insecure to pursue the conversation any further.
If they respond with anger, you feel stunned. You've just opened yourself up in a vulnerable way and they've barged into that soft open space with aggression leaving you feeling trampled upon, exposed and unsafe. If this is their pattern, you may even start to believe you are responsible for their anger.
Depending on who I'm talking to, this may actually be the case.
2. They Deflect Their Behavior Back To You
When you get up the courage to tell them you feel a lack of support, closeness, friendship or kindness — they will turn it around and point out the things you did to justify their reasons to pull away, be mean, act insensitively or yell at you.
You're left again, wondering if they're right and doubting your own feeling's validity. You may suppress your desire for healthy communication because of how exhausting it is to try to communicate. This keeps the toxic cycle going and your self-assuredness diminishes even further.
How often do you hear them say things like, "You made me yell at you," "Why are you trying to start a fight?" and "If you hadn't done ___, I wouldn't have ___"? These statements deny you the right to your own feelings.
Looking back, I don't know if I said anything like that verbatim, but it wouldn't surprise me.
Unless they have an interest in learning effective communication skills and taking responsibility for their feelings and actions, cut them loose. If your self-esteem hasn't been stellar and your boundaries aren't firm, their tactics can leave you feeling worthless.
3. They Act Differently Toward You In Public And In Private
You become the brunt of the joke in front of your friends. The night might be going along perfectly fine until the last sip of his second cocktail when they make fun of something about you so personal your smile drops into your stomach and you're flushed with embarrassment.
Since everyone else is laughing at the "joke" or "funny story" you don't feel it's the right time to express how hurt you are, so you keep up the facade. But when you mention your hurt feelings while taking a taxi back home, they dismiss your concerns by saying you're too sensitive, "It's just a joke. Lighten up."
If they like to throw emotional daggers, they'll add in, "Do you have PMS?" If they goes as far to make his own psychological diagnosis of you, get out of that taxi and hail an Uber to drive you into your emotional freedom land.
Nail on the head. For some reason, I find it so easy to tear others down just to get a good laugh out of the crowd. I want to say I've lightened up a bit, but outside parties may not agree. It's just so easy to point out everyone's flaws, exaggerated or not becasue as a group we could all use that moment of laughing to make ourselves feel better at the expense of one person's moment of vulnerability.
I've called people ugly, stupid, uncoordinated, racist (a lot, this one is the most fun) and whether or not I truly mean it, or even if it's true or not - as long as it generated a laugh then to me it's worth it. Then there's this...
In private, the emotional manipulator will be full of apologies when they realize you've reached your breaking point. Only then will they claim partial ownership for their behavior.
Love it. Only the people closest to me I'm sure are praising those words. I don't know what it is about people acting differently in front of different people. I used to think that it was a good thing to be able to do - to be so personable that you could fit in with every type of friend group, or any type of person. Maybe, in retrospect, that being friends with so many different groups of people causes a huge loss that defines who you are, no self identity - just a blob of multiple adaptive personalities, there to satisfy the crowd that's in front of them.
It's more common for them to still put the blame on others, whether it's co-workers, crazy drivers or their family. But they'll do it in such a sweet authentic tone, you'll be tricked into giving them yet another chance.
4. They Refuse To Explain Themselves
"You wouldn't understand." The emotional manipulator will use this statement to make you feel you're not intelligent enough to understand them. They do this because they have no desire in having authentic, real communication with you.
Maybe? This one's a bit hard to reflect on becasue I feel like a lot of my problems aren't understandable because it's hard to get people to relate the situation I'm in. But hey, maybe that's just another check mark, right?
They want to make you feel like you are beneath them by claiming you couldn't possibly understand. It's a futile attempt to ask them to try to explain it, too. Their frustration at your attempt at communication eventually spins its way back to you.
The partner who doesn't communicate what they need from you also exhibits this refusal technique. They prefer to stew in her disapproval of you for not giving them what they need — even though they've never told you.
This can leave you feeling helpless just waiting for them to burst out in anger if you do something "wrong". Since they don't tell you specifics, all your actions and words are fair game. (There's no way to win with this one. Walk away as fast as you can.)
5. They Tell You "EVERYONE" Agrees
This tactic instills fear, doubt and insecurity that everyone is in agreement about the thing the manipulator said you did that was bad, stupid, spiteful or rude — making you think everyone is in agreement and certainly you're wrong.
Although, usually, you will question whether they're flat out lying, you won't listen to that small inner voice because their tactics have already grown deep roots of self-doubt.
When you ask which specific friends, you won't get an answer. You're not likely to confront your friends out of fear they'll either agree (then you have a friend issue to deal with), they'll lie and deny (another potential friend issue), or they'll let you know how stupid you are for being duped by such a crafty manipulator.
All three scenarios diminish your power, so you do nothing.
I've only done this once recently in memory, but it wouldn't surprise me if this was something I had done without even knowing it in the past. It seems like such a high school peer pressure 90s kid problem tactic, but hey the results don't lie.
6. They Make Conclusions About Your Actions (Without Bothering To Ask If They're Accurate)
With this tricky tactic, you're likely to hear, "I know why you ..." While it's normal for human beings to make our own conclusions about someone's behavior, when people reach a higher level of maturity, it's common to actually ask the other person what their intentions were or their thoughts behind an action they took that was displeasing to us.
The emotional manipulator is like a stubborn toddler holding onto their own reasoning with clenched fists. If you dare to pry them open, a tantrum ensues. They're so tenacious with their grip onto their story that you might even start doubting yourself because they are very convincing with their argument.
Usually, around the third time you've tried to explain yourself, they'll state, "I'm done," and walk away, going back to the dismissive tactic mentioned prior.
All these tactics are part of the life cycle of the emotional manipulator. You can't get them off that hamster wheel because they're not interested in communicating — they're only interested in being right.
I guess this is true? But for me it's a little more non verbal. No communication at all but I will have to admit that I'm probably thinking these things.
Here are some other choice blurbs that Ifeel like describe me completely...
..."They have an uncanny ability to sense when you are at your wit's end, and just at the moment you think you can't take anymore, they back off and become more reasonable—maybe even thoughtful or funny or attentive. This does not mean that they have suddenly gained insight or won't go back to their selfish, demanding ways. It simply means that they sense you are about to move away from their grasp, and they don't want to lost their advantage with you. By being more pleasant at those moments, they keep you close and under control."
-------------------
So that was just some preliminary stuff. I really fell into the rabbit hole with the topic, and I could probably type out a whole essay about it. But that isn't what this entry is about. If you know me, then you probably in some way have experienced some of the things listed above. So now I need to offer an escape. Because if there's one thing that my research has in common, it's that you should not be around people like me. I'm highly toxic, emotionally damaging, and just an overall pain to be around - in the long run. I might be good if we like hang out 1 or 2 times, but if you're needing to get close with me as a friend or other reason, then you should just probably stay away.
That being said, here are some tips on how to free yourself from a manipulator...
People who emotionally caretake for a manipulator or narcissist give up their sense of self to be who and what their partner needs them to be. These "emotional caretakers" are often very good at being aware of others' needs and wants, but they lose connection to their own. Such people are very vulnerable and responsive to even the slightest positive indicators from the emotional manipulator. The caretaker is so hopeful and so needs the manipulator to see and understand the love and caring they provide that even small positive moments register as having enormous value.
Letting go of an emotional manipulator means giving up needing their approval, their validation, and their view of the world—and tuning into your own self-approval, self-validation and self-view. As long as you are trying to fit into the manipulator's distorted perspective, or trying to get him or her to see and understand your perspective, you will be lost in a labyrinth of perplexity and confusion.
Letting go of an emotional manipulator means figuring out for yourself what you feel and want, and what you want to do—and then sticking with it. The emotional manipulator wants you to match her or his picture of you and will go to extremes, both positive and negative, to get you to conform to her or his preferred image.
As you may already know, not matching what emotional manipulators want exposes you to their anger and disapproval. Letting go means that you disengage yourself from trying to please them or to get their support and endorsement for what you feel, think, or do. This means not caring so much what the manipulator thinks about you. You know you often don't approve or like what the manipulator does or says; so why does it matter so much to you how the emotional manipulator thinks and feels about you?
That's the key. It is not just that emotional manipulators keep you bound to them, it is that you keep yourself bound to them by needing and seeking their approval and validation, which, of course, they give or withhold to get what they want from you. And they know just how much to give and take away to keep you coming back.
You have control over the choices you make. What you don't have control over are the choices that manipulators make.
Focus on the what, why, when, and how of your own life—and give up trying to manipulate the manipulators. Just let their demands go. Let them focus on fulfilling their own needs while you work on taking care of your wants and needs.
---------
I encourage anyone who tries to get close to me. Don't. If you have already done so - you should probably find a way out.
...and if you already have. Congratulations.
ta ta kids
POST EDIT: In retrospect, this whole entry was probably pretty manipulative on it's own, right? It some weird way admitting to all this allows you to view me as weak, and maybe you want to console me or something? I don't know... just trust me. Don't get close with me.
 |
| What a dick. |
I want the collective you to understand. To those who may know me, this may not be a surprise. For me, and this entry had been a draft for quite some time now - it's fairly new. Hours of research, some boozy nights, and self reflection all combine to give you whatever it is you're reading now. But I'm just babbling to try and avoid the point. So let's get to it. Here are some things that all emotional manipulators do, with some comments:
1. They Consistently Diminish Your Feelings
When you tell them, "It hurt me when you said ___," instead of offering a simple genuine apology or asking you to talk about how you felt, they will point out why you're wrong to feel that way and will likely diminish your feelings as being silly and say you're overreacting.
Love it. This is actually classic me. Whether or not my lack of emotions stems from being a professional manipulator, that statement hits home. Part of the reason why I try not to apologize is the lack of feeling that's expressed through it. Round and round we go. What I didn't take into account, however, is this next bit...
Their calm demeanor and your heightened emotion or sensitivity may trick you into doubting yourself. You start wondering maybe they're right? You then retreat into your own thoughts trying to process the interaction, feeling too insecure to pursue the conversation any further.
If they respond with anger, you feel stunned. You've just opened yourself up in a vulnerable way and they've barged into that soft open space with aggression leaving you feeling trampled upon, exposed and unsafe. If this is their pattern, you may even start to believe you are responsible for their anger.
Depending on who I'm talking to, this may actually be the case.
2. They Deflect Their Behavior Back To You
When you get up the courage to tell them you feel a lack of support, closeness, friendship or kindness — they will turn it around and point out the things you did to justify their reasons to pull away, be mean, act insensitively or yell at you.
You're left again, wondering if they're right and doubting your own feeling's validity. You may suppress your desire for healthy communication because of how exhausting it is to try to communicate. This keeps the toxic cycle going and your self-assuredness diminishes even further.
How often do you hear them say things like, "You made me yell at you," "Why are you trying to start a fight?" and "If you hadn't done ___, I wouldn't have ___"? These statements deny you the right to your own feelings.
Looking back, I don't know if I said anything like that verbatim, but it wouldn't surprise me.
Unless they have an interest in learning effective communication skills and taking responsibility for their feelings and actions, cut them loose. If your self-esteem hasn't been stellar and your boundaries aren't firm, their tactics can leave you feeling worthless.
3. They Act Differently Toward You In Public And In Private
You become the brunt of the joke in front of your friends. The night might be going along perfectly fine until the last sip of his second cocktail when they make fun of something about you so personal your smile drops into your stomach and you're flushed with embarrassment.
Since everyone else is laughing at the "joke" or "funny story" you don't feel it's the right time to express how hurt you are, so you keep up the facade. But when you mention your hurt feelings while taking a taxi back home, they dismiss your concerns by saying you're too sensitive, "It's just a joke. Lighten up."
If they like to throw emotional daggers, they'll add in, "Do you have PMS?" If they goes as far to make his own psychological diagnosis of you, get out of that taxi and hail an Uber to drive you into your emotional freedom land.
Nail on the head. For some reason, I find it so easy to tear others down just to get a good laugh out of the crowd. I want to say I've lightened up a bit, but outside parties may not agree. It's just so easy to point out everyone's flaws, exaggerated or not becasue as a group we could all use that moment of laughing to make ourselves feel better at the expense of one person's moment of vulnerability.
I've called people ugly, stupid, uncoordinated, racist (a lot, this one is the most fun) and whether or not I truly mean it, or even if it's true or not - as long as it generated a laugh then to me it's worth it. Then there's this...
In private, the emotional manipulator will be full of apologies when they realize you've reached your breaking point. Only then will they claim partial ownership for their behavior.
Love it. Only the people closest to me I'm sure are praising those words. I don't know what it is about people acting differently in front of different people. I used to think that it was a good thing to be able to do - to be so personable that you could fit in with every type of friend group, or any type of person. Maybe, in retrospect, that being friends with so many different groups of people causes a huge loss that defines who you are, no self identity - just a blob of multiple adaptive personalities, there to satisfy the crowd that's in front of them.
It's more common for them to still put the blame on others, whether it's co-workers, crazy drivers or their family. But they'll do it in such a sweet authentic tone, you'll be tricked into giving them yet another chance.
4. They Refuse To Explain Themselves
"You wouldn't understand." The emotional manipulator will use this statement to make you feel you're not intelligent enough to understand them. They do this because they have no desire in having authentic, real communication with you.
Maybe? This one's a bit hard to reflect on becasue I feel like a lot of my problems aren't understandable because it's hard to get people to relate the situation I'm in. But hey, maybe that's just another check mark, right?
They want to make you feel like you are beneath them by claiming you couldn't possibly understand. It's a futile attempt to ask them to try to explain it, too. Their frustration at your attempt at communication eventually spins its way back to you.
The partner who doesn't communicate what they need from you also exhibits this refusal technique. They prefer to stew in her disapproval of you for not giving them what they need — even though they've never told you.
This can leave you feeling helpless just waiting for them to burst out in anger if you do something "wrong". Since they don't tell you specifics, all your actions and words are fair game. (There's no way to win with this one. Walk away as fast as you can.)
5. They Tell You "EVERYONE" Agrees
This tactic instills fear, doubt and insecurity that everyone is in agreement about the thing the manipulator said you did that was bad, stupid, spiteful or rude — making you think everyone is in agreement and certainly you're wrong.
Although, usually, you will question whether they're flat out lying, you won't listen to that small inner voice because their tactics have already grown deep roots of self-doubt.
When you ask which specific friends, you won't get an answer. You're not likely to confront your friends out of fear they'll either agree (then you have a friend issue to deal with), they'll lie and deny (another potential friend issue), or they'll let you know how stupid you are for being duped by such a crafty manipulator.
All three scenarios diminish your power, so you do nothing.
I've only done this once recently in memory, but it wouldn't surprise me if this was something I had done without even knowing it in the past. It seems like such a high school peer pressure 90s kid problem tactic, but hey the results don't lie.
6. They Make Conclusions About Your Actions (Without Bothering To Ask If They're Accurate)
With this tricky tactic, you're likely to hear, "I know why you ..." While it's normal for human beings to make our own conclusions about someone's behavior, when people reach a higher level of maturity, it's common to actually ask the other person what their intentions were or their thoughts behind an action they took that was displeasing to us.
The emotional manipulator is like a stubborn toddler holding onto their own reasoning with clenched fists. If you dare to pry them open, a tantrum ensues. They're so tenacious with their grip onto their story that you might even start doubting yourself because they are very convincing with their argument.
Usually, around the third time you've tried to explain yourself, they'll state, "I'm done," and walk away, going back to the dismissive tactic mentioned prior.
All these tactics are part of the life cycle of the emotional manipulator. You can't get them off that hamster wheel because they're not interested in communicating — they're only interested in being right.
I guess this is true? But for me it's a little more non verbal. No communication at all but I will have to admit that I'm probably thinking these things.
Here are some other choice blurbs that Ifeel like describe me completely...
..."They have an uncanny ability to sense when you are at your wit's end, and just at the moment you think you can't take anymore, they back off and become more reasonable—maybe even thoughtful or funny or attentive. This does not mean that they have suddenly gained insight or won't go back to their selfish, demanding ways. It simply means that they sense you are about to move away from their grasp, and they don't want to lost their advantage with you. By being more pleasant at those moments, they keep you close and under control."
-------------------
So that was just some preliminary stuff. I really fell into the rabbit hole with the topic, and I could probably type out a whole essay about it. But that isn't what this entry is about. If you know me, then you probably in some way have experienced some of the things listed above. So now I need to offer an escape. Because if there's one thing that my research has in common, it's that you should not be around people like me. I'm highly toxic, emotionally damaging, and just an overall pain to be around - in the long run. I might be good if we like hang out 1 or 2 times, but if you're needing to get close with me as a friend or other reason, then you should just probably stay away.
That being said, here are some tips on how to free yourself from a manipulator...
People who emotionally caretake for a manipulator or narcissist give up their sense of self to be who and what their partner needs them to be. These "emotional caretakers" are often very good at being aware of others' needs and wants, but they lose connection to their own. Such people are very vulnerable and responsive to even the slightest positive indicators from the emotional manipulator. The caretaker is so hopeful and so needs the manipulator to see and understand the love and caring they provide that even small positive moments register as having enormous value.
Letting go of an emotional manipulator means giving up needing their approval, their validation, and their view of the world—and tuning into your own self-approval, self-validation and self-view. As long as you are trying to fit into the manipulator's distorted perspective, or trying to get him or her to see and understand your perspective, you will be lost in a labyrinth of perplexity and confusion.
Letting go of an emotional manipulator means figuring out for yourself what you feel and want, and what you want to do—and then sticking with it. The emotional manipulator wants you to match her or his picture of you and will go to extremes, both positive and negative, to get you to conform to her or his preferred image.
As you may already know, not matching what emotional manipulators want exposes you to their anger and disapproval. Letting go means that you disengage yourself from trying to please them or to get their support and endorsement for what you feel, think, or do. This means not caring so much what the manipulator thinks about you. You know you often don't approve or like what the manipulator does or says; so why does it matter so much to you how the emotional manipulator thinks and feels about you?
That's the key. It is not just that emotional manipulators keep you bound to them, it is that you keep yourself bound to them by needing and seeking their approval and validation, which, of course, they give or withhold to get what they want from you. And they know just how much to give and take away to keep you coming back.
You have control over the choices you make. What you don't have control over are the choices that manipulators make.
Focus on the what, why, when, and how of your own life—and give up trying to manipulate the manipulators. Just let their demands go. Let them focus on fulfilling their own needs while you work on taking care of your wants and needs.
---------
I encourage anyone who tries to get close to me. Don't. If you have already done so - you should probably find a way out.
...and if you already have. Congratulations.
ta ta kids
POST EDIT: In retrospect, this whole entry was probably pretty manipulative on it's own, right? It some weird way admitting to all this allows you to view me as weak, and maybe you want to console me or something? I don't know... just trust me. Don't get close with me.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)