>_< #HBDJS28 in Vegas

So I had this thought. I like to document my trips and put them on YouTube. I'm literally SO MANY TRIPS behind schedule that putting in new trip videos is quite hard because I tend to forget the minor fun details here and there and I just cant convey a good enough story on video. To fix this mistake I plan to document my trips by text as early as possible, so I can go back to them as notes when the videos eventually come up. So here are my notes and thoughts about my recent trip to Las Vegas, NV to celebrate a friends 28th birthday.

Thursday, July 23, 2016
Our flight was at 8 in the morning. The plan was to have me pick everyone up at a central location, head off to work where I could leave my car and take the train to the airport. There were some late arrivals and I had to stop by and get cash from the bank. I arrived relatively on time, but there was some talk on grabbing breakfast. So yes we missed our train. The next one was going to be in an hour, which I found kind of odd but hey just our luck.

To remedy the situation, we all split an Uber from the train station to the airport where we delighted the driver with talks of gossip girl and other TV shows. From there we breezed through TSA and caught our flight to our first layover in Minneapolis, Minnesota. There we found out that our transfer flight was delayed an hour. Bummer. So we decided to grab some lunch in the airport while we wait (which in retrospect was a bad idea and we could've saved that to take a trip to In N Out). I got a chicken wasabi salad wrap and a chocolate coconut cupcake. Our gate changed. Bummer. While we waited at our new gate, a friend ordered orange creamsicle-type shots from the bar. It was definitely more alcohol than orange creamsicle. But it did good to lift the spirit of the group.

When we landed in Vegas we went to baggage claim to retrieve some checked bags. I proceeded to go to Starbucks to get a "you are here" mug edition for Las Vegas. We went towards the car rental area where a friend is a member of a certain company - gave us permission to just go to the lot and take any car we wanted. We were eyeing these large infinities that we eventually decided not to take as the back seats were a bit tight. A rep found a Ford Expedition and we took that right away. The drive to the resort was quick, although we did get a bit lost getting out of the airport. Actually, we had to drive back in to pick up another friend coming in. We got to the resort and were told our room wasn't ready yet. I actually don't remember what happened, but as we were leaving we got told our room was in fact ready (that privilege). So we unpacked and waited for some stragglers to arrive. We changed into trunks and hung around by the pool. I found out I wasn't very tan that day.

It was hot.

After some tanning and a quick dip we prepared ourselves for dinner and Rock of Ages. We planned to go a buffet when a HUGE CROWD OF WHITE PEOPLE JUST WALTZED THE FUCK IN. So we had Vietnamese instead. I got roasted duck. Actually this food was delicious. But it had better be since it was kinda pricey.

Quack.

After dinner we lined up to go see Rock of Ages. We were a large group so we were chosen to take a picture at some area with a fancy background. We sat down and got moved over a bit since one person decided to buy a solo ticket t the table that had an extra seat. He seemed happy. A bit creepy and so totally drunk by the end of the show. We all ordered a drink and I finished up pretty fast with no effect, but I cant say the same for the birthday boy.

It was a great show. Great acting and amazing voices. The female lead took a bit of getting used to to look at, however. Must've been the stripper seen that did it. Male lead looked like Sebastian Stan. Additionally, I kept getting shit because one of the comedic male roles seemed to remind everyone of me. Flattering, really! I don't remember much after the show but I must've passed out since I was so exhausted. EDIT: we stopped by a 7-11 to pick up some snack for our road trip to Antelope Canyon. We had planned to drive all the way to Antelope Canyon for a tour and also see Horseshoe Bend. Departure time was 2AM...

Friday, July 24, 2016
The drive there was a bit of a blur. Sincere props to my friend for driving all the way through. I gotta be honest though I was kind of PTSD'ing because every time I fell asleep and the drive would hit the off road bumps, I would kind of wake up in fear that the car would be losing control (I was recently in an accident). So I was a bit restless. We arrived at our destination about an hour early so we parked by a supermarket where we proceeded to stretch, eat some breakfast and apply suntan lotion. Most of us switched to sneakers since we knew we were going to be hiking a bit. Our tour guide Colby was pretty good. Knew all the right spots and angles to take inside the canyon to get beautiful pictures. Apparently blew everyone's minds by introducing them to the vertical panorama.

It's a candle. Or a butt plug.

The canyon itself was neat. There were a bunch of daddy long legs which I haven't seen around in Jersey for a long time so that was refreshing. On the exit there was a spot on the rocks where people had carved their names and stuff. As well as some tumble weed that was immediately used to pretend we had antlers... and something about mating season.

After getting back in town we found a place nearby to eat. Delicious stuff. It had kind of a diner motif. I had something called the "spicy tortilla" and a peach cobbler a la mode. The thing was basically a huge, un-closed burrito, filled with hash browns, eggs, peppers, and chorizo - topped with cheese. I couldn't finish all of it and there was just a tiny bit left. It probably didn't help that I put all the hot sauce over it either. How you gonna call something spicy when it's not spicy. Psh. I learned later on that this was a terrible decision. But we'll get to that later.

The drive to Horseshoe bend wasn't that bad I believe. But when we finally did arrive it was approaching the afternoon so the heat was just a little bit unbearable. There was about a 1.5 mile hike to the view and the people there had made sure everyone had a bottle of water before walking out. How nice. I had actually read about a bunch of people dying from heat exhaustion before going on the trip so I made sure I was ready for it. The hike to the site wasn't bad at all - downhill. It made for some pretty rewarding photos.

They call it horseshoe bend because this was the site where they found out in order to make shoes for horses, you had to bend the metal stuff.

The hike uphill back to the car wasn't terrible, but we stopped to rest halfway just in case. We had originally planned to go see the grand canyon as well, but the timing was going to be off so we decided to push it to the next day as our schedule was just planning to sleep in. Our long drive back was where I had some trouble. I needed to poop. Badly. I knew I was going to have to leaving the restaurant but it would hit like a wrecking ball as SOON as we hit the area of the road where nothing existed. I had informed the driver that I need to stop to poop at the next one but we had to have passed 4 or 5 places which were each like 10-15 minutes apart before we actually stopped at one. I was kinda being polite, saying "no rush" and stuff like that, but I was dying. I broke out in like a feverish state and I developed goosebumps like I've never seen before. I don't even know how but I managed to fall asleep for a little bit to pass the time before arriving at the stop. When I got there I went straight to the bathroom at let myself explode. Politely. I made sure to flush every spurt. And the only expel with someone else had flushed or turned on the sink or hand dryer to mitigate the sound. It was so satisfying. Made it the rest of the trip back, falling asleep for pretty much all of it.

I woke up to some drama on the phone so I dealt with it a bit while everyone got ready to go to the pool again for round two. Actually, we had planned on going to the lazy river but a young girl informed us that someone had pooped in it and they had to close it that day to clean it. Bummer. How could she have known these details anyway...

We got a spot poolside where we partook in some drinks and waded in the shallow end. We hovered around the water volleyball court and eventually it was freed up for us to use. It was a pretty good time, and great for me cuz my knees have been terrible to me lately. The ball was some cheap replica of the official ball and it was really heavy. Bummer. After some good play we went back up to prepare for our next event: Cirque de Soleil: ONE (tribute to Michael Jackson). We had gotten checked out of our room by accident and none of our keys worked. They checked in a nother couple before realizing their mistake and got put into a different room. Very scary, very frustrating.

Before the show we actually ate a buffet. Not a great decision. Good food though, I had about 3 plates and a dessert plate. Personal favorites were the Swedish meatballs and the panko crusted salmon. There was this desert which was basically under-cooked brownie with marshmallows all over it. Delicious. And a key lime pie that was WAY too tart. Bummer.

The show was great. Remember the second not great decision? The buffet gave me a serious case of the itis. There were some parts of the show that was just literally a narrator telling a bed time story in a dark room with lights resembling stars. And they were playing MJ's ballads that I didn't really know. I must've twitch-slept like 50 times before actually waking up for some of the songs I recognized. I personally liked Man in the Mirror, Black and White, and I think it was Billie Jean that played when the dancers were just in the dark with light up suits.

We got out of the show and I needed to take part 2 of my dump - so I did that while the group bought the souvenir pictures and took some more photos. Before entering the show we had taken note of some bars and clubs in the casino. We decided to go to them after the show. I was worried some of them wouldn't let a few of us in since we were wearing shorts, but it was all good. We started out at this lounge area where we all bought our round of drinks. Eventually we made to the bar/club area where I bought everyone a blowjob at midnight. But really it was for the birthday boy.

THE DRINK. PERVS.

After that we went to the dance floor where we danced for like 2 or 3 hours before we headed back to the resort. I think I got hit on by someone. Either way, that night was pretty fun.

Saturday, July 25, 2016
We slept in, of course. Eventually we all got up and got ready to go to the Grand Canyon, West Rim. We got Denny's for breakfast. Drove by the hoover dam, but I didn't see it. Stopped by this really interesting gas station that was... alien themed. During the drive we got a call from the hotel rep refunding us some money from the room problem. We stopped by a scenic spot where we took a couple pictures and then we finally got to the Grand Canyon area. Apparently it was part of the Native American land and not the national park so it was handled a little differently. We had to buy ticked for a bus that shuttled us around the various areas. The first stop was a small village where they had some small activities, lasso-ing, quick draw firing, horseshoes. Took one of my favorite group pictures by a statue of a horse. Next stop was the sky walk. Took some panoramas beforehand because we weren't allowed that equipment on the skywalk.

ECHOOOOOOOOOOO

The skywalk was very entertaining. Scared my a bit and I muttered something about my balls tingling to the photographer and he had a great time taking our photos. Should've repaid him by taking one with him, but that bright idea came too little too late. The last stop was guano point. Looked like poop but the view from the top was amazing. We actually lost track of time and so we pushed our dinner reservation at this steakhouse from 7:30 to 9. It took a little long for everyone to get ready. Dinner was expensive, but the food was good. Had a steak, lobster, and shrimp trio with some Reisling to drink. Got some type of caramel chocolate bomb for dessert. Good conversation and a wonderful dinner all around. With the meal at the steakhouse came free access to their rooftop bar/club so we hung around there for a bit after dinner. Not gonna lie, there were some ratchet people up there. Some bachelorettes, some graduates, some middle aged women. But hey, when in Vegas, right?

We had the idea to pregame before actually going out clubbing, but it didn't really fit into our schedule. So we diced to drive back to our room and stop by as liquor store to pregame before heading out again. I changed clothes into something more comfortable. The pregame was fun, but one of the travelers stayed behind as it was kind of late. Tbh I would've too if I didn't find second energy in all the sugary drinks. Plus the environment was a bit awkward because the drive to the liquor store was a bit irritating. I felt bad for the driver. She was a trooper. Again, mad respect.

After the pregame we headed to the gay club the birthday boy was requesting, where the cover charge for the club included a drink voucher. Neat. Got 1 or two drinks and danced the night away. Guy on the stripper pole were good looking. The attendees at the club were not, to be perfectly honest. Still the song choices were good but the DJ was not so good. Transitioning between songs was pretty much a mood killer. Something hilarious happened on the way back to our car, but I can't exactly remember what it was. We got back and passed out pretty easily.

Sunday, July 26, 2016
We caught our flight ~ 30 mins before boarding. Had some Popeyes beforehand. It was a bit stressful leaving because we left 2 sleepyheads behind to make sure they checked out on time. Additionally, the lines for checking bags and TSA seemed endless - but in the end I guess it wasn't that bad. We flew Southwest. It was terrible. You don't get assigned seats. Instead you board in some order and fill in the seats like a bus. Our group of 4 managed to save a trio of seats and I was stuck sitting next to strangers. I didn't mind since it was the same for another on our way there. The lady sitting next to me was grotesquely obese, so I did my best to fall asleep often and keep busy.

We landed, got the baggage, and hitched the AirTrain to the train stop, though I dramatically missed the first AirTrain out because of my lack of good judgement on people. One of the train workers gave me some shit for it. Good times. We caught the train back to my car where we proceeded to finish the trip with another buffet dinner.

Thoughts
The birthday boy had said that if you ever have the chance to set something up like this with your closest friends, that you should do it. I agree. Though I would probably go to another friends birthday rather than having the main focus on me. Either way, if you ever read this, thank you for considering me for this trip. I had a great time with you and everyone else. I am grateful to having met you those 9 (approaching 10) years ago, and developing our friendship through our shared loves of volleyball, adventure, and unwarranted sass. I hope we can continue to grow closer as friends as you begin to depart on your next adventure, doing things that you seem born to do and can do so naturally well - to help and care for others. #HBJS28

ta ta kids

>_< I Feel Powerless When...

Interesting thought. And it's a good topic to talk about in light of some recent things that have been going on in the world. Maybe this will turn into a meaningful discussion, or maybe it'll just spiral out of control and I won't even end up answering the question. Regardless, let's get right to it.

I've been feeling weak as of late. It's been about 3 weeks since returning from Orlando for a huge volleyball tournament. Weeks prior to going, I did very well in making sure I was running or doing some type of workout every day. Worked on my arms and legs to make sure I was primed for the tournament. The event had it's ups and downs, with a satisfying enough finish. The day after finals I was my regular sore, like I'm used to. I enjoyed that type of pain. It lets me know that I worked hard and I deserved a rest. I could usually be back on the horse after a week or so. As I mentioned before, it's been 3 weeks. It's not to say that I don't think I could step on a court and play right now - but there are some things I'm feeling in my body that I haven't really felt before. It's troubling. I've known for a long time now that I wasn't the spry 19 year old player I was, nor am I the pure combination of strength and mind when I was 22 or 23. I've hit my glory days and I'll say this to most every player I know, I'm on my decline. It's easy to admit to your teammates, but it's hard to admit to yourself.

I feel powerless when my body says no to the things I used to be able to do. It's infuriating. Perhaps it's the lifestyle I live catching up to me. No, I'm not a cross country runner, I'm not a paid athlete. I'm the type of guy who checks himself in front of the mirror and says, "wow I'm getting fat, let's work to get back to the shape I was when I looked in my mirror and said, 'I'm happy where you are.'" (Side note: that quote within a quote was a formatting nightmare). Anyway, the dream is to be able to see some abs and get rid of those pesky love handles, but good god damn I love food way too much. When you're raised by a culture that embraces food so much that there's a meal dedicated to just throwing shit on a table and eating with your hands? ... how can you not.

Look at it. Hows that blood pressure?

But yes. I feel powerless. Knowing that I can't really weight bear on my left knee. Knowing that every time I go to jump, it was never, and is never going to be, as high that it once was. A vivid memory I have when I was 19 was when I went to attack a ball, I could see everyone on the other side of the court - and I cranked in on the 10-11 foot line, center court. Fast forward to 23-24 yrs old I remember the same feeling, but ONLY because a block was dropped. And now, at 26-27 - I'm lucky if I can see holes anywhere in the opposing teams defense (but they're there). Maybe I'm just having a midlife crisis for those who played a sport. Maybe I'll have another resurgence of energy and skill. There was a point in time where I wasn't taking pain killers to play in my 22-24 years. Those were the days.

I feel powerless knowing that my life is not necessarily controlled by me. I can only do a small part to know that I'm not going to step in front of traffic, or jump of a cliff. If someone, someday, somewhere, decides that it's my turn to die - I'm powerless. 49 people never got to choose. A musician never got to choose. It's insulting. We, as arguably the smartest beings on this planet, have the power to choose. But at the same time there is so much about us that we cannot control. I will feel powerless when I take a trip later this week, knowing that I'll enter the same environment where 49 people never got to choose. I will feel powerless knowing that someone else's choice to execute impedes my choice to live. Life is truly unfair.

And don't even get my started on those presidential hopefuls. If you think we're powerless now - then stay tuned.

ta ta kids.

>_< A Quick Joke

DON'T SPOIL IT!

So this horse is watching MTV. This is in the 90s where MTV actually had music on it. Anyway, the horse sees a segment on Jimi Hendrix, and decides there and then he wants to become an internationally-acclaimed guitar player (because, as we all know, all horses are left-handed).

So this horse works at this shitty job for a couple of months, earning enough money to buy himself a low-end Strat. He starts playing Hendrix songs in his spare time, trying to recreate the sound he fell in love with. Eventually, he records a few covers and gets on YouTube with them.

Now, this horse thinks he's doing pretty well, and decides to start a band with the other guys from the nearby farm. So he goes up to his friend, that just happens to be a chicken, and tries to get him to be the bass player, as the chicken was a sweet-ass bass player in college. Chicken agrees and decides to bust out his old bass from the attic; they learn the rest of Hendrix's first album.

Now the horse and chicken think they can go pretty far, and decide to ask their friend, that happens to be a cow, if she can play the drums for the band. She agrees, and they all decide to pool their money together to get this awesome fucking set of drums for Cow. So Cow learns the drum parts for all the Hendrix songs, and they reckon they can go really fucking far with this.

But guess the fuck what? They need a fucking singer to complete the set. So Cow goes up to her friend, who knows can sing like a fucking legend, and asks him to join the band. For the purposes of the joke, the singer is a pig. So Pig learns all the parts for Hendrix's first album and they eventually decide to branch off and make a load of different songs.

This horse, as the band frontman, gets the band to go global - they start performing at gigs across Europe, Asia and the Americas, with the help of the farmer himself (who was slightly bemused at his animals talking, let alone being a fucking band), and eventually get noticed by none other than Jay Leno himself. Leno invites them to California to perform at his show, which coincided with the kick-off for their cross-US tour.

So the horse, as the frontman, flies over to California first to set up and make sure the gig runs smoothly. Everything's good, and the rest of the band, a week later, board a plane to California as well.

However, the plane ditches into the ocean, sadly killing all the passengers, including the band and the farmer as manager. A couple of days later, Horse hears about this and becomes distraught at the deaths he basically caused.

Horse hits a full-on depression, and decides to kill himself so as to be reunited with his friends. He roams the seedy back-alleys of California, trying to find the shittiest club so as to drown his troubles away. Eventually, he finds one, takes 15 Ketamine pills and walks in. He orders the most alcoholic thing the club can offer, and sits in a corner of the bar, waiting for Death.

The owner of the club sees this obviously distraught horse, and walks over to him to try and help.

"Hey," he says, "why the long face?"

>_< Let's Get Ranty (3)

Ohhhhhhhhhhhh lawd I've never had such an itch to scratch and a rant to rant about more than now. It's something I need to get off my chest while the emotions are still simmering in there, because I've had to keep them in check since the night before. I thought about different mediums to vent, but this will probably the best option as it will it some cases be the most effective and also the most passive aggressive. Let's FUCKING go already!

Volleyball and the Human Emotion 101
It's no surprise that I love volleyball, there's been posts about it before and mainly they focus on the positive (I think). It's time to get into some negatives I experience about the game. I'm not gonna really be sensitive about your knowledge of the game so please excuse any technical lingo that blow over your heads. This is a rant for me, not you.

Men's and Women's volleyball can be really different. There are many similar aspects to the game and certainly there are a few exceptions to the following rant topics, but to me the games  are different. Women's volleyball tends keep longer rally's with a focus on defense, while men tend to want to end plays right away. The list can go on forever but my rant topic is one listed above: the human emotion.

I'm not gonna lie, keeping your emotions in check on the court is a hard thing to do. I tell most people one of the reasons why I love this game so much is that you can celebrate by doing whatever you want on the court as long it isn't obviously directed at anyone on the other side of the team. The best bart? They can't do anything about it because there's a net separating your teams. It's like the volleyball version of being a troll on the internet, you are granted safety (at least until the end of the match). Everyone gets affected by taunts and celebrations, missed serves and shanked balls. It's how you deal with it that makes the difference in the long run.

That being said, there are some times when life affects you and you bring that into the game. I'm pretty guilty of it sometimes and it sucks. Usually I play the game to make me feel better, and it usually does, but I'd be lying to you if I told you it didn't affect my game. But that's cool. I take pride in doing my best by keeping my emotions in check during a match. That's not to say I've had a few bad matches myself. Regardless, the real problem is how your attitude can affect the most important people around you - your team. Everyone's got their job, attackers gotta put the ball down, libero's gotta pick up that defense, middle blockers double duty on putting the ball down and putting up a solid defensive wall at the net. Setters gotta run the plays that matter. But hey let's expand on that.

Over the years I've gone through many setters: some who get me, some who listen, some who are the best for everyone but me, and the few that just fill in because we need hands. Some sound advice for anyone filling in: know your hitters, trust them, and keep them warm. Every setter/person is different. They have odd ways of knowing who to set, and why they set the way they do. One in particular loves giving a hitter a second try if they didn't put it down the first time. Mixed feelings on that approach but hey, I'm not an expert. The whole "keep your hitters warm" thing seems really important to me because why wouldn't you? I'm getting off topic here - just some background information before the real rant begins... so how does any of this relate?

Last night I experienced the most disrespectful treatment on the court I've ever received. As a hitter, being actively (and not being subtle about it) not set is insulting and irrational. All stemming from some recent bad times OFF THE COURT (this is important), the setter in a match I played in did their best to make sure I didn't get my chance to be offensively useful. So let's get the rant out of the way... (prepare for shade)

Am I even using the term correctly?

I don't give a flying fuck what happens off the court between us. You leave it OFF THE COURT. You're not a perfect setter. Just because the ball doesn't spin when it releases your hands and is a foot and a half off the net doesn't mean I'm going to crank the ball. I'm a damn good outside hitter and everyone knows that. I'll make the decision to swing at what I want to swing, where, and how hard. You do not dictate that for me. Especially since you are not a setter. News flash, the other hitter wasn't hitting well to begin with at first, but hey, he got more attempts later on and guess what? He was finally putting some balls down. Wish I would've known how that felt that night. Because of your immaturity (and lack of good sets in general when I actually received one), I never got to warm up to be useful offensively. You'd rather back-set a middle, or push the opposite so far past the antennae everyone on our defense rolls their eyes (and everyone on the other side of the net has the biggest shit eating grin I've ever seen). You know what I did? Recognized the issue and played on. I stuck my hand out for low-fives that were ignored by you. Still passed on target when I literally could've put that ball anywhere else but your hands (I can almost feel your scoff as you read this sentence). Got ready for an approach even knowing I wouldn't get set. Encouraged the team.

We lost two out of the three games. To old people and a Latino try-hard sub. Because of you. And you know what sucks the most? Because it was your fault, it was also my fault, and everyone else's fault. That's a team for you. Take your inferiority complex with me anywhere else but on the court where - like it or not - we're on the same team and hopefully we share the same goal: to win the game.

I've played on teams with people I didn't particularly like either. I'm mature enough to know that that doesn't matter because we all stood on the same side of the court, wearing the same colors, sharing the same goals.

This is probably why you "hate" the team you're playing with in an upcoming tournament in the south east area of the US. Ever think that it's not your teammates that are the problem? Ever think that it's just you? Maybe you should just suck it up and play the TEAM GAME with the people YOU CHOSE TO BE WITH?! Food for thought.

I hope you got it out of your system. This league that we play in is pretty low priority in terms of what it means to me, but I still want to win it. Our volleyball lives are regrettably intertwined so there will be matches and tournaments that matter to me more than this. If you continue along this path and fail to GET OVER YOURSELF, then I can make sure that you and I never play on the same side of the court ever again.

But I can't work miracles. If we're on the same side, you can be sure I'll continue to do what I do. You can continue to be a child, or you can start knowing what it's like to be an athlete.

Seriously we should probably talk.
ta ta kids

>_< Friendly

Prompt: Describe ways in which you do or do not show friendliness.

Interesting topic. It's also an interesting time to be writing, but hey, new year new me, right? I've thought about a topic like this before, whether or not I'm the asshole everyone thinks I am and if my friendlier actions not shine enough. Let's discuss and as always, we'll see where it goes.

I spend a lot of my time playing volleyball, and that's really no surprise. Playing in high school I was beginning to learn the game and learn where I was in my skill tree. I was good, not the best. It peaked around my early years in college, although still not quite enough do make an impact since non-asians can get quite tall. So I became smarter - which in volleyball is a different type of better. That's kind of where I am today, slowly finding a balance between power and wisdom. How does this all tie in to my friendliness? I play with a group of individuals that suits my balance for power and wisdom. Some of those individuals just happen to be assholes. And really there needs to be a different word for it because some of these people are the best I know. Either way, it's the type of asshole that is always mean whether you like it or not and it'd be up to you whether or not to take it seriously. That's where I am when I play volleyball or happen to be hanging out with that group of friends. Now because they are a pretty big part of my life - this is usually who you might probably see everyday. Heck, I just might not be nice at all and the rest of this post will be me in denial trying to find some friendly qualities.

So as of right now - I would not show friendliness. On the volleyball court I would try my best to make a psychological impact on the other team instead of boosting my own team's morale (although killing two birds with one stone is pretty nice sometimes). So it's like, yea I'm winning the game, but losing at life because I'm being such a dick about it.

Sums it up pretty well.

Off the court I constantly harass and tease both friends and acquaintances to the personality I've developed. But for some reason, it's in a funny way that comes off as a joke so no one (except the rare few) is really offended. Let it be known here that I am fully aware of my actions and how they can hurt people - but who could argue with the results? I've become close to people I enjoy being with and - from what I know - they enjoy my company.

FLASHBACK/TRIVIA NOTE: In order to get "popular" in middle school I tried so hard to be who I wasn't... succeeded. I'm not entirely sure if I regret that decision or not. Future blog post?

So where does that leave the friendliness? I guess that might be found outside of my volleyball and volleyball related life (although some acts of kindness may find themselves sprinkled in there). Between my family, my job, my day to day life under no ones watchful eye I would honestly consider myself a friendly person. It may be hard to believe, but I believe it and that's all that matters. Be aware that there's a difference between friendly and nice. I'm not gonna go through it. Just know there is one. I may not look approachable, but I am - and I've been working on approaching people myself.

HORN TOOT: Did you know I held and shared an umbrella for an older woman/co-worker walking to the entrance to our building? Apparently she told my office mate about it and she told me it was an unexpectedly nice thing and caught her by surprise coming from a younger person.

I don't want to sound arrogant. I already spent most of this post admitting how much of an asshole I am/can be. That's really only my DEEP outer layer, the layer everyone can see, the layer that is exposed the most because of the people I hang out with and the things I do. But don't be surprised if I pick up the check, give you a ride home, or generally just take one for the team. A friendly person exists somewhere in this damaged soul, and there's enough light for it to shine every once in awhile.

ta ta kids