>_< A Quick Joke

DON'T SPOIL IT!

So this horse is watching MTV. This is in the 90s where MTV actually had music on it. Anyway, the horse sees a segment on Jimi Hendrix, and decides there and then he wants to become an internationally-acclaimed guitar player (because, as we all know, all horses are left-handed).

So this horse works at this shitty job for a couple of months, earning enough money to buy himself a low-end Strat. He starts playing Hendrix songs in his spare time, trying to recreate the sound he fell in love with. Eventually, he records a few covers and gets on YouTube with them.

Now, this horse thinks he's doing pretty well, and decides to start a band with the other guys from the nearby farm. So he goes up to his friend, that just happens to be a chicken, and tries to get him to be the bass player, as the chicken was a sweet-ass bass player in college. Chicken agrees and decides to bust out his old bass from the attic; they learn the rest of Hendrix's first album.

Now the horse and chicken think they can go pretty far, and decide to ask their friend, that happens to be a cow, if she can play the drums for the band. She agrees, and they all decide to pool their money together to get this awesome fucking set of drums for Cow. So Cow learns the drum parts for all the Hendrix songs, and they reckon they can go really fucking far with this.

But guess the fuck what? They need a fucking singer to complete the set. So Cow goes up to her friend, who knows can sing like a fucking legend, and asks him to join the band. For the purposes of the joke, the singer is a pig. So Pig learns all the parts for Hendrix's first album and they eventually decide to branch off and make a load of different songs.

This horse, as the band frontman, gets the band to go global - they start performing at gigs across Europe, Asia and the Americas, with the help of the farmer himself (who was slightly bemused at his animals talking, let alone being a fucking band), and eventually get noticed by none other than Jay Leno himself. Leno invites them to California to perform at his show, which coincided with the kick-off for their cross-US tour.

So the horse, as the frontman, flies over to California first to set up and make sure the gig runs smoothly. Everything's good, and the rest of the band, a week later, board a plane to California as well.

However, the plane ditches into the ocean, sadly killing all the passengers, including the band and the farmer as manager. A couple of days later, Horse hears about this and becomes distraught at the deaths he basically caused.

Horse hits a full-on depression, and decides to kill himself so as to be reunited with his friends. He roams the seedy back-alleys of California, trying to find the shittiest club so as to drown his troubles away. Eventually, he finds one, takes 15 Ketamine pills and walks in. He orders the most alcoholic thing the club can offer, and sits in a corner of the bar, waiting for Death.

The owner of the club sees this obviously distraught horse, and walks over to him to try and help.

"Hey," he says, "why the long face?"

>_< Let's Get Ranty (3)

Ohhhhhhhhhhhh lawd I've never had such an itch to scratch and a rant to rant about more than now. It's something I need to get off my chest while the emotions are still simmering in there, because I've had to keep them in check since the night before. I thought about different mediums to vent, but this will probably the best option as it will it some cases be the most effective and also the most passive aggressive. Let's FUCKING go already!

Volleyball and the Human Emotion 101
It's no surprise that I love volleyball, there's been posts about it before and mainly they focus on the positive (I think). It's time to get into some negatives I experience about the game. I'm not gonna really be sensitive about your knowledge of the game so please excuse any technical lingo that blow over your heads. This is a rant for me, not you.

Men's and Women's volleyball can be really different. There are many similar aspects to the game and certainly there are a few exceptions to the following rant topics, but to me the games  are different. Women's volleyball tends keep longer rally's with a focus on defense, while men tend to want to end plays right away. The list can go on forever but my rant topic is one listed above: the human emotion.

I'm not gonna lie, keeping your emotions in check on the court is a hard thing to do. I tell most people one of the reasons why I love this game so much is that you can celebrate by doing whatever you want on the court as long it isn't obviously directed at anyone on the other side of the team. The best bart? They can't do anything about it because there's a net separating your teams. It's like the volleyball version of being a troll on the internet, you are granted safety (at least until the end of the match). Everyone gets affected by taunts and celebrations, missed serves and shanked balls. It's how you deal with it that makes the difference in the long run.

That being said, there are some times when life affects you and you bring that into the game. I'm pretty guilty of it sometimes and it sucks. Usually I play the game to make me feel better, and it usually does, but I'd be lying to you if I told you it didn't affect my game. But that's cool. I take pride in doing my best by keeping my emotions in check during a match. That's not to say I've had a few bad matches myself. Regardless, the real problem is how your attitude can affect the most important people around you - your team. Everyone's got their job, attackers gotta put the ball down, libero's gotta pick up that defense, middle blockers double duty on putting the ball down and putting up a solid defensive wall at the net. Setters gotta run the plays that matter. But hey let's expand on that.

Over the years I've gone through many setters: some who get me, some who listen, some who are the best for everyone but me, and the few that just fill in because we need hands. Some sound advice for anyone filling in: know your hitters, trust them, and keep them warm. Every setter/person is different. They have odd ways of knowing who to set, and why they set the way they do. One in particular loves giving a hitter a second try if they didn't put it down the first time. Mixed feelings on that approach but hey, I'm not an expert. The whole "keep your hitters warm" thing seems really important to me because why wouldn't you? I'm getting off topic here - just some background information before the real rant begins... so how does any of this relate?

Last night I experienced the most disrespectful treatment on the court I've ever received. As a hitter, being actively (and not being subtle about it) not set is insulting and irrational. All stemming from some recent bad times OFF THE COURT (this is important), the setter in a match I played in did their best to make sure I didn't get my chance to be offensively useful. So let's get the rant out of the way... (prepare for shade)

Am I even using the term correctly?

I don't give a flying fuck what happens off the court between us. You leave it OFF THE COURT. You're not a perfect setter. Just because the ball doesn't spin when it releases your hands and is a foot and a half off the net doesn't mean I'm going to crank the ball. I'm a damn good outside hitter and everyone knows that. I'll make the decision to swing at what I want to swing, where, and how hard. You do not dictate that for me. Especially since you are not a setter. News flash, the other hitter wasn't hitting well to begin with at first, but hey, he got more attempts later on and guess what? He was finally putting some balls down. Wish I would've known how that felt that night. Because of your immaturity (and lack of good sets in general when I actually received one), I never got to warm up to be useful offensively. You'd rather back-set a middle, or push the opposite so far past the antennae everyone on our defense rolls their eyes (and everyone on the other side of the net has the biggest shit eating grin I've ever seen). You know what I did? Recognized the issue and played on. I stuck my hand out for low-fives that were ignored by you. Still passed on target when I literally could've put that ball anywhere else but your hands (I can almost feel your scoff as you read this sentence). Got ready for an approach even knowing I wouldn't get set. Encouraged the team.

We lost two out of the three games. To old people and a Latino try-hard sub. Because of you. And you know what sucks the most? Because it was your fault, it was also my fault, and everyone else's fault. That's a team for you. Take your inferiority complex with me anywhere else but on the court where - like it or not - we're on the same team and hopefully we share the same goal: to win the game.

I've played on teams with people I didn't particularly like either. I'm mature enough to know that that doesn't matter because we all stood on the same side of the court, wearing the same colors, sharing the same goals.

This is probably why you "hate" the team you're playing with in an upcoming tournament in the south east area of the US. Ever think that it's not your teammates that are the problem? Ever think that it's just you? Maybe you should just suck it up and play the TEAM GAME with the people YOU CHOSE TO BE WITH?! Food for thought.

I hope you got it out of your system. This league that we play in is pretty low priority in terms of what it means to me, but I still want to win it. Our volleyball lives are regrettably intertwined so there will be matches and tournaments that matter to me more than this. If you continue along this path and fail to GET OVER YOURSELF, then I can make sure that you and I never play on the same side of the court ever again.

But I can't work miracles. If we're on the same side, you can be sure I'll continue to do what I do. You can continue to be a child, or you can start knowing what it's like to be an athlete.

Seriously we should probably talk.
ta ta kids

>_< Friendly

Prompt: Describe ways in which you do or do not show friendliness.

Interesting topic. It's also an interesting time to be writing, but hey, new year new me, right? I've thought about a topic like this before, whether or not I'm the asshole everyone thinks I am and if my friendlier actions not shine enough. Let's discuss and as always, we'll see where it goes.

I spend a lot of my time playing volleyball, and that's really no surprise. Playing in high school I was beginning to learn the game and learn where I was in my skill tree. I was good, not the best. It peaked around my early years in college, although still not quite enough do make an impact since non-asians can get quite tall. So I became smarter - which in volleyball is a different type of better. That's kind of where I am today, slowly finding a balance between power and wisdom. How does this all tie in to my friendliness? I play with a group of individuals that suits my balance for power and wisdom. Some of those individuals just happen to be assholes. And really there needs to be a different word for it because some of these people are the best I know. Either way, it's the type of asshole that is always mean whether you like it or not and it'd be up to you whether or not to take it seriously. That's where I am when I play volleyball or happen to be hanging out with that group of friends. Now because they are a pretty big part of my life - this is usually who you might probably see everyday. Heck, I just might not be nice at all and the rest of this post will be me in denial trying to find some friendly qualities.

So as of right now - I would not show friendliness. On the volleyball court I would try my best to make a psychological impact on the other team instead of boosting my own team's morale (although killing two birds with one stone is pretty nice sometimes). So it's like, yea I'm winning the game, but losing at life because I'm being such a dick about it.

Sums it up pretty well.

Off the court I constantly harass and tease both friends and acquaintances to the personality I've developed. But for some reason, it's in a funny way that comes off as a joke so no one (except the rare few) is really offended. Let it be known here that I am fully aware of my actions and how they can hurt people - but who could argue with the results? I've become close to people I enjoy being with and - from what I know - they enjoy my company.

FLASHBACK/TRIVIA NOTE: In order to get "popular" in middle school I tried so hard to be who I wasn't... succeeded. I'm not entirely sure if I regret that decision or not. Future blog post?

So where does that leave the friendliness? I guess that might be found outside of my volleyball and volleyball related life (although some acts of kindness may find themselves sprinkled in there). Between my family, my job, my day to day life under no ones watchful eye I would honestly consider myself a friendly person. It may be hard to believe, but I believe it and that's all that matters. Be aware that there's a difference between friendly and nice. I'm not gonna go through it. Just know there is one. I may not look approachable, but I am - and I've been working on approaching people myself.

HORN TOOT: Did you know I held and shared an umbrella for an older woman/co-worker walking to the entrance to our building? Apparently she told my office mate about it and she told me it was an unexpectedly nice thing and caught her by surprise coming from a younger person.

I don't want to sound arrogant. I already spent most of this post admitting how much of an asshole I am/can be. That's really only my DEEP outer layer, the layer everyone can see, the layer that is exposed the most because of the people I hang out with and the things I do. But don't be surprised if I pick up the check, give you a ride home, or generally just take one for the team. A friendly person exists somewhere in this damaged soul, and there's enough light for it to shine every once in awhile.

ta ta kids

>_< I am disgusted by...

Remember that writing prompt website I advertised a couple posts ago? The prompt today is found at the title. I had tried going to this site a few times now and I found that I didn't really like the prompt, but then I realized that's not really the point. I should be able to write something even if I don't particularly enjoy what's given. So let's get started. I am disgusted by...

EDIT: so I started this off with things that bother me. I had typed in terrible driving and rude behavior. I don't like where that post was going. This shouldn't be Let's Get Ranty Part whatever the heck I was on. I'm take this prompt on a literal perspective.

I'm disgusted by rotting/rotten food. There's been a small infestation lately in my house with food. There is nothing more off putting then fining a bug in your soup that just kills the appetite. I'm well aware that a single fly in your soup is not going to kill me (statistically), but there is just something about it that is enough to tell your brain to just stop. Growing up a bit in the Philippines, there were flies everywhere landing on your food and taking off again. I was fine with it. I'm assuming that the "first worldliness" of the US has kind of set the bar a bit higher when it comes to sanitary consumption. That's too bad, because I feel like I've wasted a lot of food in recent times because I didn't want to share my food with some flies. So rude.

Actually, I've boycotted the rice we cook at home, simply because there have been maggots living in the rice, and consequently being cooked in the rice as well. Looking back, I've probably consumed SO MANY MAGGOTS and I've turned out (relatively) fine. Those buggars are really hard to see, and really easy to miss. One time I scooped a fresh batch of rice up into a plate, and I saw a little guy taking his last squirms before dying. Yep, never eating rice (from my house) ever again.

Why not TWO scoops?

Apparently this is a pretty common occurrence with cheaper rice/grains. Still gross. On a MILDER side, I think the very first time I acted in this way is when I started avoiding eating the bruised parts of a banana. There's definitely NOTHING wrong with it, it's just a matter of preference. Still though.

Actually I found one of those filthy maggots biting into a banana once. I gave up bananas for awhile. Actually typing this I'm gonna give up bananas for a little bit again. UGH.

Other things that disgust me? I dunno, things that look like they haven't been cleaned for AGES. Take a couch, for example. You see one at a garage sale, obviously you're gonna spruce it up, give it a quick wash, all good. But like you see the ones out in the front with a "FOR SALE" sign that you know has been there for at least a few days, it becomes a little off putting. There's a better example in there somewhere. You get what I mean.

In terms of smells - I'm not a huge fan of trash - and like the collective trash you smell when a garbage truck passes by. Normal trash obviously doesn't smell too good, but at least it's tolerable. It's the collective efforts of a small community that makes trash smell like... well trash. Accompanying that idea is also the smell of rotting flesh. Not like dead bodies (though I'd imagine they'd smell the same way) but really old meat. I left some meat outside to throw out but never got to it... ON A HOT SUMMER DAY. I waited MUCH too long and eventually that smell was everywhere and I was too afraid to get rid of it because flies and maggots have now gotten INTO the bag and it was making the most threatening buzzing sound you've ever heard. I'm getting grossed out reminiscing.

Thick liquids and being sticky. If i'm outside and I accidentally step into a soft muddy spot on the ground that is just enough to hold onto my foot for a second or two, I'm disgusted. Likewise, if I lean my hand on a tree and wasn't aware of the sap on that tree, I am immediately disgusted. Being sticky is NOT a good feeling. It's not like sap is acid that's gonna burn your skin off, it's that when I move my fingers it there shouldn't be any resistance. That goes with all things sticky: honey and other forms of thick liquid sugar, adhesives, etc.

One last comment because I'm disgusted typing this material. I'm actually not too bothered with some obvious answers like gore. Broken bones and severed heads in real life is sad and disheartening, but I don't think disgusted is the right word for it. I'm pretty ok with poop. Bugs are still gross. So yea. that's all.

BUT WAIT! Not a disgust, but trypophobia always gets someone feeling something.

AMIRITE???

ta ta kids

>_< A Very Good Word Avalanche

Goddamn, English. You crazy as hell. For those not in-the-know, word avalanches form when similar sounding words or repetitions are combined to make a coherent phrase or sentence. The easiest example I can think of in my head...

You know they're making a professional GoPro camera? They're calling it the ProGoPro. They're giving one to every policeman on duty - they'll call it the PoPo ProGoPro.

Neat, right? Another one I remember form whatever source (maybe a song?) is "real eye realize real lies." Fun to say, fun to think of, fun to share. Then I came across this one:

A swindler passes by a bird in the stairwell of an apartment building...

The swindler was headed upstairs to visit his friend, the forger. The bird he passed along the way was the forger's homing vulture, which was en route to the forger's publisher to make a delivery. Unfortunately, the poor bird had to fly down the stairwell to ground level and out the open terrace since the forger's apartment had no windows. She was carrying some rolled up paper on which her owner had written the perfect end to his prized short story, what's delivery was a mission of utmost importance.

You see, the forger was very proud of this story's ending as it unabashedly mocked the last two novellas in a complete collection written by his far more successful literary rival, Condolyssa Blackburn, who had worked to expose the forger's dishonesty by high-hatting his private dealings in her writings, of which the forger grew thirsty for revenge. This same short story would later assist the forger in framing her for a homicide.

So, the swindler in the stairwell knew of the forger's vulture, but he hated birds and went about swatting and cursing at her for flying around in the building. Though, little did the swindler realize that there was a third crook who had been hiding in the shadows of the stairwell above him. As the swindler rounded the corner and came into view, the young thief named Khan had already lept from the banister one floor up behind the swindler as he planned to knock the swindler down and take his money.

As was indicative of his inexperience, young Khan did not notice the vulture until after he lept from the banister as he was too busy marking the swindler to notice the large bird flying past him on it's way down. The sight of the dutiful bird had caused the swindler to stop and swat and curse, which completely negated Khan's calculated leap, so as he fell toward where the swindler would have been had it not been for the vulture, he joined the swindler in cursing wildly at the bird because she had single-wingedly ruined his plan.

Khan's midair cursing fit caught the attention of the swindler who sighted him, and since Khan was quite green and merely half his age, the swindler immediately began talking down to him, attempting to illustrate how feeble and worthless his attempt to swindle a swindler. Yet, as the swindler turned to continue his ascent upstairs, his pride had hindered him from noticing that Khan had successfully picked the wallet from his back pocket.

Thus, Khan's incredibly embarrassing, albeit successful, incident is now humorously referred to among his fellow con men as the "greatest con ever botched," which is far less mentally demanding than what it was formerly referred to as, which was the "condescending conned ascending con dissenting condor-sending condescending con's descending condor sending condor-sending condescending con's dissenting conte's ending condescending con-dissenting Condi's ending condescending contes ending condescending Khan's descending on dissenting conned ascending con dissenting condor-sending condescending con's descending condor sending condor-sending condescending con's dissenting conte's ending condescending con-dissenting Condi's ending condescending contes ending condescending conned ascending con's dissenting on dissenting condor-sending con's descending condor sending condor-sending condescending con's dissenting conte's ending condescending con-dissenting Condi's ending condescending contes sending condescending Khan descending condescending condor-sending condescending con's descending condor sending condor-sending condescending con's dissenting conte's ending condescending con-dissenting Condi's ending condescending contes sending condescending conned ascending con's dissenting condor-sending condescending con's descending condor sending condor-sending condescending con's dissenting conte's ending condescending con-dissenting Condi's ending condescending contes on descending condescending Khan's descending" con.

By Reddit user  shigglesmcwhigley

It's things like these that make me wish I had more of a creative mind. Good on you, mate. This is excellent.

ta ta kids.