>_< Sell Yourself Short... Positively

So I came across this narrative about how "strong" and "amazing" we (humans) are. A real feel-good post. Really gets your nuts feeling real pretty. Anyway, it all came about because there was a discussion about how people shouldn't sell themselves short and stop saying negative things about themselves. I guess I could agree, but I think for the majority, I don't. And I don't think that's a bad thing - and here's why.

NOTE: Speaking only for myself and not everyone else. If you happen to think the way I do, then I hope it helps? But if you're the type of person who "lives, laughs, and loves" and wants to be reminded of such a mantra on a throw pillow then we can talk about you another time.

I think you need to kick yourself in the butt. You need to turn that kind of negative feedback from yourself to drive positive change. Easier said than done. I'm sure there are things like depression and anxiety that - when following this advice - may not necessarily be a good thing. However, I'd like to relate to my own experiences in that maybe looking yourself in the mirror every once in awhile and saying what a piece of crap you are forces you to make changes so the next time you walk by a mirror you'll have something better to say.

"Yup, still bald - but damn is my hair soft"

Back to that article. I get that it's trying to empower you into thinking you're better than you think you are, but I think the execution is a bit weak and over dramatic. It gets into all these science facts about your body to make it seem like you're some kind of super human. The delivery to me is the worst of it all. Something like,

"The next time you think you're not strong enough, just remember that your brain has enough memory to store X terabytes of data, your heart uses enough energy to drive a truck for X days..."

And you have as many nipples as the number of fucks I give, minus 2 (hopefully)

To me that kind of narrative is ridiculous and pandering. Spewing out these facts in a way that no one would even dare fact check them is cringe worthy. Did you guys know that we're made up of enough water to sustain an African colony for a week? Fact check that. I'm not going to because it doesn't matter - because of normalization (and also I made that shit up). The article talks about how amazing you are because you can do all these "amazing" things. Hey, guess what - so can everyone else. That's where the argument falls apart. Next time you're down and thinking, "man I'm weak and worthless, but hey my heart uses energy to drive a truck for X days!" Guess what? So can I. And so can my boss. And so can everyone else. See what I'm getting at here?

You're not special or strong because of all these Snapple facts. Everyone is special and strong because of these Snapple facts. You need to find another way of creating positive change from your negative attitude. At the core, we're all the same. So kick yourself in the butt and be the same... in a different way.

ta ta kids

>_< Don't Hit Me, Bro

*unless I deserve it.

What I'm talking about here is something that's been irking me more recently because I accidentally (though lightly) exploded because I wasn't able to keep my composure, which I usually feel like I'm really good at.

Don't hit me. Like seriously. I know a few people who just friggin love to mimic like they're boxing me, put their fists up and give the good 'ol 1-2 punch either on the arms or even around my kidneys. Like fuck you, don't do it. I mean, you're free to do whatever you want, I suppose, but if you're going to continue with your silly little boxing games please do 1 of 2 things:

1) Don't actually hit me.

and if you REALLY can't control your caveman cravings...

2) Don't hit me, hard. Like not hard to YOU (cuz relatively speaking you wit your big 'ol man muscles might think it's just a tap), but like hard... at all. I'm talking like a feathery light ass touch. I'm talking like that light touch when you first grab a fine ass booty for the first time and you're just letting the contours glide all over the palm of your hand. I'm talking the first time you gotta put a catheter in. I'm talking when you about to hit a dog and it gives that scared looking face and instead of hitting them your just give 'em a nice little pat.

Thanks for understanding, bro

Like seriously bro this isn't a hard concept to understand. I get the whole "guys just wanna hit something all the time" but like, I didn't do anything to you. And I get it, you're just being a chill dude, you don't think anything of it, but just know that it bothers the living fuck outta me. I may have said it in an earlier post, but I don't really like to fight - I'm not big on hitting people or putting myself in a situation where I could get hit (which is ironic because I'm an asshole but oddly nice about it, maybe). I'm not sure really what it is, probably stems from hitting my sis when I was growing up and always getting in trouble for it. Nowadays it might just stem from knowing that I don't really think I'm all that strong... last thing I need is a reminder of that.

And is it weird that I feel like it's only done to me? We have a lot of mutual friends, but why do I feel like people always wanna hit me? Do I deserve it? Are you just passively aggressively giving me a couple body shots because you ACTUALLY wanna beat the living crap outta me? Communication is key here. I'm so confused.

I know that I'm basically talking to no one, but does anybody agree with me? Or am I being a little bitch?

ta ta kids

>_< In Retrospect, an Epiphany

I get it. The oversharing stuff. I think maybe I was writing about it and thinking about it negatively because of the mindset I was in. There are still some truths to my words though, else why would I say them? But they were delivered in a somewhat distasteful way and in the name of neutrality I took some time to think about what I've said and reflect.

Really the only thing that came to mind to justify that whole rant is that somewhere deep inside, I think I want to be that way also, but the effort and stigma that goes along with it kind of blocks me from doing so. I bet it'd be nice to share something about your life and see all the people in it (and some that aren't) approve of whatevers going on. To showcase how great my life is and have others think that way as well. Isn't our generation supposed to thrive on likes and follows? Sounds like a good time.

But I run the risk of also having people think that, "oh this guy is full of himself." etc etc. Who wants that kind of looming energy in their lives?

...
...

I think I care about what people think of me too much. I think I've always been like that, well at least into my early teens. Makes me miss the days when I walked into kindergarten and no one really cared about what you wore, what you looked like, how you talked. This is a deeper dive into a subject I don't really want to talk about. But the whole oversharing stems from the fact that it must be nice knowing (or thinking that knowing) that the people that you project your life to know that you've got just as good of a life as they do, and for some, better. So like I said at the beginning of this post, I get it.

That being said: I got a promotion at my job. I didn't think I'd get it because I received a raise at the beginning of the year. It's nice. Please, everyone, approve of me and my life.

Please.

>_< Oversharing? Stay Humble.

I'm a big fan of staying humble. I'm not really sure if I follow through with my own belief though. Perhaps I used to seem arrogant - and please, if anyone who knows me and reads this still believes I'm arrogant let me know - but I'd like to think I've humbled myself just a bit. As always let's relate this with a quick volleyball analogy.

Specifically dealing with players, the best of them know they're good. The worst of them know they're good, and aren't afraid to let YOU know that they're good. Personally, I think that's a terrible quality and you'll be hearing from me. Not directly - cuz I'm a real pussy like that, but I like to think that I can make a dent in your game mentally just by doing a few subtle things to try and set you off a bit. I'm getting off topic - as usual.

Please be humble. Some of the nicest people I've ever met are the ones that were super successful or super good at volleyball, etc etc and whenever they get complimented on it they brush it off like "nah, I'm not that good" or "thanks, but really it's not a big deal." Whenever someone says that it's like I'm a little kid again looking up to an older sibling and I'm just like "YOU'RE SO COOL! I WANNA BE LIKE YOU SOMEDAY!"

Teach me your ways!

I went to San Francisco recently, and I stayed in an Air B&B. The house was owned by a man not much older than I (probably). His house was amazing ($3 mil according to Zillow but that's not important). It was like everything I wanted my house to be. Smart home. The front door was controlled by a locking app. Doorbell had a camera. iPad mini's built into the walls to control music system for the house. Alexa answers to everything from the lights, to the TV - really just fantastic stuff. Through some discussion over dinner I had found out that he developed some kind of app that allowed you to compare the prices of college textbooks. Neat. I guess that explains all the swag. Anyway, the best part about it was that was the only time he said anything about it. He didn't go off on all his accomplishments, started ranting and raving about the tech market blah blah blah. He just said what he needed to - didn't offer more information (though he would've answered if I'd asked) - and continued the conversation about something else. I thought that was the coolest thing.

Anyway. The main reason why I decided to type this up is because some words that one of my closest friends had written about his life. It was a long post, but it was amazing to read. Basically, he has left the life he was leading here to pursue a dream in a field that can be difficult to find success in. He had something steady going for him but when a door opened, he left the room he grew comfortable in, closed the door - and entered a new one... with nothing to show for it. Through it all he will strive for success noting his flaws and accepting the position he's in.

First off, I want to say thank you for those words. I was always so impressed with your drive for success, literally leaving everything behind to do what you want which is something I could never see myself doing. It was amazing to read that. Because lately I've been thinking about all these people I "follow" on social media platforms and wonder if some of them have crossed into the line of arrogance through over sharing. What is the need to do such a thing? To want to show and tell EVERYTHING you're doing. Like, I get it - there are some things worth sharing and showing but it must be exhausting to be constantly thinking about it all the time. To remind yourself when you park at Target to turn on your phone, go onto Facebook, and say you're at Target. To interrupt your time with friends and family to make sure you've tagged everyone in the room in some post. To think about clever #hashtags. I guess this is good for some people but for me, I guess I just want to know the reason why. I may be closed minded at this point but I feel like the only reason why someone would post anything and everything about their life is to look for same kind of attention or validation. To get that kind of high knowing that there are people who will look at the life you're living and be envious of it. Perhaps I'm being too cynical at this point.

Is it like a scrapbook type of thing? I'm guilty of that kind of stuff. I take videos on vacation with the intention of putting it up on YouTube - not for the likes, but so I can go back to see what it was like if I happen to forget.

I feel like I'm jumping topics. I've had to change the title of the blog like a million times now. What was I talking about? Being humble? Ok. Here's a thing by Craig Kanalley:

"... no matter what you do, no matter how successful you are, no matter how lucky you are, never boast about being better than others. Because in the end, you are really just a branch. Whatever you do is just part of that branch, connected to other branches and a tree that is way larger than you.

And there is a root that supports you. All the people who have gone before you, all the knowledge they built up, the language they coined that you use to communicate, the businesses and industries that rose to give you work, water, shelter and food, the upbringing your parents, teachers, or other loved ones gave you, what your friends have done for you, and so on. That’s the root that supports everything you do and everything you are. Not to mention the Creator of life itself, who I call God, and you may call something else (or believe something else) but that’s fine. Recognize all that. Be humble.

Also, if you’re lucky enough to have all those basic aspects of life mentioned above (work, food, water, shelter), you’re lucky. Because not everyone on this Earth does. And even in your own life, you may go through times when these things are in abundance, and others when they’re not. Be grateful for what you do have. Be humble.

More than anything, remember the root. Remember where you came from and those who helped you get to where you are. No one on this Earth is 100 percent original and no one’s knowledge is 100 percent their own. Ideas and inspiration come from elsewhere. You yourself are unique, but you come from elsewhere, not from yourself. Remember that. Be thankful for that. Be humble."

Food for thought? But hey whatever, I don't know your life. I don't know the psychology of oversharing. I'll probably look it up and maybe write about it? Who knows.

ta ta kids

>_< 2016: In Review

Kinda sounds like I'm gonna do some overly done terrible news coverage for 2016, but I'm not really. Just doing some reflecting for this year. So come along for the ride, If you want to.

Big changes this year. A lot of it in retrospect I didn't really see coming, but I'm glad they came. I've had some gains, some losses, pretty much the basic human experience. I'll probably start with the obvious topic. Volleyball, and maybe we'll touch up on my overall health.

Big year for volleyball. It was the first time that a group of us took a trip to the USAV Nationals tournament. For me though, I think this was a little too late for me. I've said multiple times that I'm way past my prime, but I'm doing my best to maintain my status as a "good player." Nationals in Orlando was a good experience. Seeing what's out there was awesome, becasue I've mostly been playing with and against the same people for the better part of 3 years. Seeing how other people play, play types, personalities, physiques, all really interesting. After a shitty time in pool play, we managed to get our shit together and get 2nd in our flight. I believe we could've won it though. The worst thing that came from Nationals is an injury. This injury took me a while to come to terms with, I thought it was something I could rest and recover from - but it seems like this one will be around for the rest of my life. My left knee. I don't know what happened to it and I'm really itching to find out. I can't bear weight on it as much anymore and it's affected the way I jump, as in not as high. That's important. So I've been doing that thing where I've been trying to strengthen the muscles around it to compensate which has gotten it a little better, but no where near where it was. So for 2017 I plan to make sure I assess that injury. It's affected my game in that I've learned to compensate my jump by putting all my energy elsewhere, but I'd really rather fix it instead.

A lot of focus went into Nationals, so our yearly Filipino only NABA tournament took a back seat in terms of training. We haven't won that tournament in 3 years (maybe 4?) and honestly I'm waiting for one more trip to the top before I stop. I think we need to pick up some younger guys and make sure I only play when I need to - but I wanna feel at the top again so I can close that chapter in my life. Good news is they seem to like playing at a venue really close to us, so we save a lot on travel expenses.

With all those volleyball concerns, I've already started to make sure I better myself for 2017. I joined the gym, plan to drop a good amount of weight and hopefully see where I stand for Nationals and NABA 2017. I can already see results in my hitting, I'm finding that I'm swinging harder at the ball. Also my endurance. I can keep up with longer rallies now, even though THERE SHOULDN'T BE ANY RALLY'S AT ALL (I'm looking at you womens volleyball). Anyway, that's where I'm at volleyball wise.

Expanding on some health, I had my first major procedure this year. I went under. And the time leading up to it I had some anxiety that I haven't experienced in a long time. I've always had this slight fear of going under for a surgery. It freaks my out when I can't control my own ability to fall asleep. Part of the reason why I don't take sleep aids. I don't like when something else is telling my body to go to sleep. It's unsettling. Either way, the procedure went well, and my fears about going under had subsided. They load you up with a lot of oxygen which makes you feel GREAT, and before you know it you're asleep and you wake up not having known what just happened. Which on its own right is pretty concerning but hey, you're supposed to be in good hands. Looking forward to solidifying a primary care physician so I can keep a closer eye on my overall health.

I've made new friends. I've lost some old friends. That's life. Through these experiences, I've done a good amount of reflecting on who I am - really deep stuff. I think maybe it's a little overdue but it's good that it came becasue it made me cherish all of the things I have right now in front of me. It's also teaching me how to let go (again) of things that perhaps I took for granted. If there's anything I know now from my past experiences is that time heals all wounds. But I absolutely hate the fact that it does. The process is slow, but it is rewarding. It's time for growth, rebuilding, changing who you are so that you're better suited for when it comes around the next time.

What do I think about what's happening in the world? Honestly, I don't really care becasue I"ve gone over this before - I have no power to change it all. Just gotta take it in. If you really want my opinion though, I think this world has become too sensitive, and it needs to reevaluate itself on its morals. I get that it's a pretty exaggerated statement, but we all need to learn how to "take a joke" once in a while, because all thees bullshit cries of racism, sexism, social justice, etc is just impeding growth and tolerance. I remember there being a story about a costume Disney was selling for the character in Moana being culturally insensitive because it was like pacific islander shaming or some shit like that. Come on people, that's what the character looks like. Get over yourself. Also the new trailer for Cars 3 where it was just Lightening McQueen crashing for like 2 minutes. Too dark for children? Remember when the old guys wife from Up died in the first 10 minutes of the movie? Or when Bing Bong fucking sacrificed himself? Or when all the Toy Story characters where about to be incinerated? Or like when Mufasa dies and Simba is literally crying under the paws of his dad's carcass? Lighten the fuck up people.

So tired of oversensitive pricks getting more of a voice than people who have REAL issues that need to be heard. The way our media covers news needs to change going forward. It's pathetic who they think deserves the spotlight.

Bleh I'm getting too worked up.

For 2017, I'm looking for what I always look for. A happier, healthier life. This could mean changes, this could mean losses and gains. Whatever it means I just want to be around for it.

ta ta kids.