>_< News You Already Know About

So it's been awhile since I've posted anything up here, and to be honest I haven't had much desire to do so. I tend to forget that part of the reason why I keep this page up is to work on my communication skills and overall writing. As a scientist, there isn't much opportunity to explore yourself through a writing medium. Though I digress. There's been a handful of news lately that I've been dying to talk about. Let's see if I can keep myself entertained...

Reese Witherspoon Arrested for Being Obnoxious

If there was a candidate and an overall pageant for "America's Sweetheart" I think she'd be a good shoe in to win alongside Uncle Sam and the red headed girl from Wendy's... is her name Wendy? Anyway, she (not Wendy) got into a bit of a tussle with the law - her husband was getting arrested for a DUI. She makes the always great decision to butt in during the arrest and eventually gets arrested herself for obstruction. Now this is pretty relatively old news, but it resurfaced again because there was a dash cam video of her altercation with the officer making the arrest. Google is a thing, if you'd like to find it. The whole problem with this story is that she pulls the 'ol "do you know who I am?" spiel on the officer. It probably shouldn't bother more than it does, but I just don't like it when celebrities abuse they're social standing as a means to get away with certain things. They are just normal people at the end of it all. Heck - I bet her mugshot looks just like any other -

nah that's actually pretty hot. She's not even looking at the camera. What a cutie pie. Never mind. She's cool.

High School Students Suspended for "Twerking"

This news is actually pretty new, as of typing this article, so don't be so alarmed if you haven't caught up yet. That's what I'm here for. The gist of it goes like this. Look above these words. See the header for this section? Read it. That's what happened. That probably took way longer to type out than actually telling you about the story. There's even a link to the video. Find it here. I wouldn't be surprised if it was taken down though. The students in the act were suspended (obviously) and weren't allowed to walk at their graduation. The big thing to take away here is your opinion on whether or not the school provided the right punishment. Personally, I believe the school made the right choice. It's around the middle of where the punishment should be. I would LOVE the kids to be expelled, but I also think that suspension doesn't really mean anything to these students. You can tell because a bunch of them WILLINGLY put on some yoga pants, positioned themselves upside down and started air humping while in the presence of a negro in serious need of some swag. 

I believe he's beginning to re-evaluate his life choices.

Suspension to deviants like these will be treated as days off from school. So the addition of taking away their walk in graduation was appropriate. I hope this act of stupidity seriously puts a halt on any dreams and aspirations they have. Another thing to note is that they were only punished because the video was made on school property. Take this kind of crap at home kids.

Also, twerking is a terrible word.

I thought I had one more article to cover here, but I've been in and out of typing this blog so I can't remember what it was. I believe what I've got here is enough for now. It was a good break from blogging and maybe a good start getting back into the swing of things. Until next time.

ta ta kids

>_< The Crazy

Have you caught it yet? The crazy? Because lately strange things have been going around thats leading me to believe that something big is gonna happen. I'm sure many of you have already started hearing about these weird people, and I'll break them down for you a little bit later. I just want to over analyze something real quick. The locations of these occurrences are Miami, NJ, and then Canada. So if we're gonna follow some kind of trend here, then the next weird dude should be popping up towards the middle of the US or Canada, assuming we're going in a counter clockwise-ish type direction. Now that I put this whole location thing in words though, I have a feeling that it's not going to happen. But a guy can dream, can't he? Either way, let's get started on this news before something else breaks out. Also, there might be some slight details of these events that could be wrong, you can double check with Google.

So first up is a man, a NAKED man (because these details are important), was shot down by cops in Miami because he was eating someones face. I wish I could just end the paragraph right there because there isn't really much to be said other than that. For the sake of humour though let's go on. Apparently, it was somewhere off the highway, and it involved another man, whom I assume was also naked, who took it like a champ. There are some videos and pictures leaked somewhere and since Google is a thing, I suggest you turn to that if you really want to get your real life zombie fix. What I find amusing is trying to imagine how this whole situation started. I'm thinking, "Hey bro, I totally love that shirt you're wearing, wanna hug it out?" *lick face. "Oh sorry, hey can I try that shirt on?" Then it's pretty much downhill from there.

Like this, but one of them is naked.

When the officers came on by, the man was bear hugging the other dude on the floor, eating his face like a boss. Clearly the first thing to do was fire a shot, right? Well they did just that and guess what happened? The guy GROWLS and KEEPS ON EATING. Mother f@&^#! it's time to run. This is how every Resident Evil game starts out, you know that right? Luckily for our nations finest, they proceed to fire 6ish more shots to the man until he's been... compromised. Dead is what I'm getting at, but assuming he was a zombie it would've been foolish of me to use the term. What happened to the other guy? He's fine. He's just missing 75% of face, nbd.


Just give it a smiley face and you'd be close.

Did I mention that the whole reason for this fiasco is "bath salts?" That's really what they're saying. The whole flesh-face-craving human for breakfast-lunch-dinner thing? Bath salts. I don't know about you, but I don't remember seeing a side efffect for bath salts stating ZOMBIES. It's zombies guys, don't beat around the bush and blame it on drugs. It's zombies. Recently some video footage came out from the attack, and it CONVENIENTLY just covers the whole face eating thing. All you see is two pairs of naked man legs. And really I'd rather just see the other side please.

With that story, let's move on to the next. It's about a guy hailing form Hackensack, NJ. Now apparently there was some call about this man being all "terrifying" in his apartment, and when the cops came rushing on in they found the guy IN A CORNER getting his horror movie on. I'll assume he was rocking back and forth chanting (not singing) nursery rhymes from under his breath. Did I mention he was holding a knife?

This old man... he played murder...

So when the cops took some precautionary steps forward, he began to get a little buck wild. Since we're all about saving lives, they took it upon themselves to start with the pepper spray. Of course it didn't work. Cuz' when you're high on the crazy... nothing works. Except the crazy. It really just only made the guy more crazy, so to retaliate he takes his knife and... well he starts stabbing himself. 50 times. Or more. I wasn't there. I didn't count. I'm just the messenger. So when the cops continued to advance, he drove the crazy to a new level. He's thinking, "oh gosh they're coming I need to throw something at them to keep them back... oh this will work... yea this will definitely work." By the way he threw his organs at them. They had to have been the closest thing to him. Let me tell you all though... that took... GUTS.

YEAAAAAAAAAAAAA!

Also, turns out he's in critical condition in the hospital. Which to me is surprising, because I didn't know you could live through pepper spray, multiple stab wounds, and the lack of intestines in your body. Unless of course if you were a zombie.

The last bit of crazy we have for today comes from our neighbors, Canada. Now usually Canadians are pretty known for being friendly and personable, not really at all hated by society. So where better to hit the crazy than over there? It makes the moose more interesting. The story isn't so bad either. Basically it's just some porn star mailing body parts to random addresses. Not a big deal. I mean if there was something I'd want to receive randomly in MY mail, it'd be a body part. I never get packages.

Just what I wanted.

The biggest buzz that this story is creating is not really where all the body parts are coming from, but why of all people a porn star is doing it (see what I did there?). I mean the guy is a porn star. Luka Rocco Magnotta. Kick ass name, he must be living the dream! Oh, he's a gay porn star? Well, thats good too! If theres one thing this world needs, its a gay porn star murderer zombie. He's a zombie because all he's doing is just sending some snacks out to family. He's one of the good ones.


oh HEYYYYYY... i mean.. BRAAAAAAAINS.

So that's it for the crazy. Don't catch it please. It's mainstream right now, you wanna wait till it dies down so it becomes cool to be crazy. Everyone will be all like "wow, that bitch is like.. 2012 crazy." How bout that? It's catchy. So ease up on the crazy cuz there are still plenty of them walking around. Also, it's never bath salts.

ta ta kids