>_< Lonely World

Recently I've been burdened with great privilege. Another business trip. Not sure if I've talked about my previous experience with this, but you should all know that this time it's a little different. New boss, new me, and the added bonus of staying through a weekend here in Edmonton, AB, Canada.

To refresh your memory and mine, the last time I was here was March 2014. I was here for a total of 3 work weeks, but I came home every weekend and flew back every Sunday night. That was alright, I guess - but I got sick of watching Frozen on the plane every single time I flew out there. Like seriously... let it go.

It had to be done.

This time I was here for 2 weeks straight. Which meant I had the weekend to myself. Which meant I better find something to do because I didn't just want to rot in my hotel room the whole time. Now truth be told I had been wanting to go on a solo vacation for awhile now - not to discredit all the fun I've been having recently with my travels - I just think there's something to be said about being free from making sure everyone is having a good time, or everyone agreeing on where they want to eat, or just anyone's general input. This time it was going to be me knowing what I want to do is what I get to do. Treat myself, yo. So with that, here's some things I've realized when you get to vacation alone.

DISCLAIMER: Although I did enjoy this trip out, it really wasn't my preferred adventure. I just really made do with what was given to me - being somewhere in Northern Canada, like obviously if I took this trip my own way I'd be somewhere a little more my taste.

Learning to Eat by Yourself
HOLY SHIT THIS. I don't know what it is about humans, but we tend to make up some bizarre sad story whenever we see someone eating alone. Then, we start to empathize (sympathize?) about what they're going through. Did they just get stood up? Are they super depressed? What's wrong with that person?

Really if I had to take a guess it probably comes from being the lonely fat kid at school who had the table to himself munching away on his feelings. It's a sad sight and it's a shitty thing for us to assume anything about a person but I think that's just the way we're wired because of media portrayal or whatever.

Anyway, this was a big hurdle for me, because I had a really bad case of what I just described above. But I needed to eat - and I wanted to eat out because free. Granted, I did get some room service here and there... and I also bought some snacks to munch on but that's besides the point. When you travel by yourself, you gotta learn to eat by yourself.

Sitting at a restaurant booth isn't so bad. You just kinda keep to yourself and eat. Amazingly, no one really bothers you except the waiter/waitress. Like this was some kind of profound revelation that I had. No one cares about you! It's kind of exciting. So you just carry on with your meal and before you know it, it's over.

Sitting at a bar... that's a little different. I went to eat at this place with some bar seating. It seemed like a real hip cool place so I didn't wanna take anyone's potential table space by sitting at one so I made my way to the bar area. Immediately I felt like everyone was watching me. Everyone saw me walk to the bar, bypass the first and second group of kids, and finally sit at an area with a few open seats. I felt like I was on display, like a fish in an aquarium. Everyone knew I had come there alone, and by the time my food came out, everyone knew that I'd be eating alone. Without the safety barriers of a booth - this one seemed a little harder to get comfortable with. Instead, I got a few drinks in me and shortly after it became a bit more comfortable. Even more so when people arrive at a bar themselves as well, though the rest of their party arrives soon after.

Really the take away is, people might be wondering about you for like a second, but I think in the end you'll be forgotten and no one will really care. And I guess - why should you? It's so easy to say but sometimes it can be hard.

Navigating around is less stressful, more social

Don't mind the picture, just rubbing in the great view

I took a 3 hour drive down to a nice place recommended by some locals here. Well worth the trip, I have to say. Making the plans and setting up the timing just right for day trip was a little bit stressful, but I managed to get up at 3AM and start the commute down in order to make it to a breakfast spot that I was planning to go. Now, punching in any address into a GPS and following that is basically a no brainer. It's what happens when you get into the destination and you're wondering about all the places you could go that can get a bit annoying. Especially since THE FREAKING DOCUMENT I SAVED TO MY PHONE WOULDN'T OPEN BECAUSE I NEEDED WIFI BUT I ALREADY CHECKED THE OPTION TO HAVE IT AVAILABLE OFFLINE LIKE WHY GIVE ME THE FREAKING OPTION IF YOU'RE NOT GONNA ALLOW ME TO DO IT?!

...Anyway, if I were with a group of people I would start to nag or get a little antsy about what turn to make or where exactly we were or whatever. But when you're by yourself - you can make all the wrong turns you want and take your sweet ass time getting to where you need to be. It's just way less stressful overall and I think that was really awesome to experience. No backseat driving or ironic "are we there yet?" because haha that's so funny. And I'm guilty of both of those things. Also it's kind of rewarding figuring out things for yourself especially when your out in the middle of bumblefuck Canada.

The added bonus is the social aspect. Without any reference about where anything is, you're more inclined to ask for help and ask for directions. I ran into this old Asian lady after breakfast and we must have talked for about an hour or so about where I was, where I should go based on what I had planned, what routes to take, etc. It was a great experience and it made me more comfortable because in a weird way I didn't really feel like such a stranger in the area. I was more inclined to ask anyone else for there help (because it turns out some of the stuff she said was dead wrong) but at the very least I knew I was comfortable knowing I could ask for that help and maybe strike up some random conversations with the locals. In the end, however...

You're Still Very Alone
Now it might've been the nature of my plans whilst down here, but things got really existential for the rest of the day. I had gone hiking on a bunch of trails, took some great pictures, got a sweet tan (and sunburn), but all I really wanted at the end was someone to share that experience with me. Now if you know me at all, I have no issue with spending some a lone time - and sometimes I actually crave it.

With something like this, however, I think it might be best shared with someone you care about or a group of people you care about. The first hour or so of hiking were ok... it's new, your senses are still going crazy with all these new experiences - but once it all settles down it gets really quiet. Since I was alone I had taken some music and headphones with me, but when I got to a nice scenic point, I would take my headphones off to take a picture and it was just... quiet. And my mind went crazy thinking about how awesome the view was, how fresh the air was, how long I had to live, and wouldn't it be crazy if I just died here on the spot and if anyone would miss me? It was mess.

Pictured: me, probably

So I put on the music and continued with my life.

There are some great things that you can accomplish when you travel alone. I never would've pictured myself doing what I did a week ago. You can literally break out of a couple more shells and come out of the experience a better person. Cuz I have to be honest, before I headed out for that 3 hour drive, I kept having second thoughts about whether or not I should do it. Really because of the safety aspect - like what if I get really lost, or what if I get injured, who's gonna take care of me if I get sick etc etc. Then a quick snap back to reality and you're already half way done with your drive. Pretty crazy stuff.

If you get the chance to do so - absolutely go for it, at least once.

ta ta kids

>_< Business Trippin'

So a couple weeks ago, I had the opportunity to embark on another landmark of my professional career: my very first business trip. Just talking about it makes me feel 10 years older, like some kind of successful business man, when in reality I'm just a young scientist learning new things. The experience in itself was pretty gratifying, and the best part was it was ALL EXPENSES PAID! That's right, flight, hotel, food... all on the company. Perhaps I even came at a better time, as there was a meeting of the minds of the higher ups. I'll go through my few days up in Edmonton, Alberta, Canada.

So one of the things I enjoy doing while traveling is getting to completely bum out during the plain ride. If you're going to be sitting in a space for 4+ hours, then you better bum out. This wasn't the case. This was business. So I ended up traveling in a button up and some dress pants, which was more than annoying, but at least I could take off my shoes to let the professionalism breathe.

Smell that business.

So stopovers are a thing. I had one at Chicago, where apparently there's a gigantic bean. Normally I'd be all over the place looking at new stuff and all the duty free items, but since I was traveling with my boss, I pretty much had to contain myself the whole way. We shared some lunch, but all we ever talk about is business. It kind of takes the whole trip part away from it... but after all it's called a business trip. The rest of the plane ride was alright. Smaller plane, but a lot of leg room. My boss left me to upgrade to first class... which I think is a dick move only knowing that I'd probably do the same in his position.

Pictured: Over-exaggeration

While there I began to feel the professionalism seep through my pores. New faces, new facility, and a whole lot of questions. I did what I need to do as my boss attended the meetings and eventually the shift for that day was about to end (we did arrive after lunch anyway). The real fun began afterward, where I got to check into my own hotel room, my own king size bed, my own space. It was a pretty sweet deal, and don't forget -  all free. There was a bar/restaurant downstairs and a gym that I'll eventually take advantage of the next time I go back, and I will NOT forget sneakers.

The time came to meet up with my boss and others for dinner. Apparently this was a pretty big deal. We got to this fancy place, reserved out a back room and at first it was a cocktail hour kind of environment. Everyone had a beer in their hand, and I was reluctant to ask for any - but apparently with this group beer is good. AGAIN - ALL FREE. Everyone started to get comfortable with their drinks, becoming more open to conversation and eventually we all sat down to eat. This place was pretty fancy. We're talking waiter goes around and shoves wine in your face and you can ask for a sample. Do the little swirl thing and sip the wine like I know what I'm doing. Either way, I just went with it.

"Yes, this certainly tastes like wine."

Now the weird thing about this particular company dinner - and probably all the others to come - is that everyone is older than I, and I really wanted to try and deviate from work conversation. Around these folk, however, it's pretty difficult. I ended up only speaking when I was spoken to, and I watched the hockey game in the background I could see from the bar. There were a few people talking about something I could relate to, but much too far away from the table to contribute. Just waiting for my food. Calamari Salad, 14 oz Rib-eye, and some chocolate dessert. I took a photo of it for you:

Surprisingly low in fat.

During the first night in the hotel, I didn't find much to do because of the whole forgot my sneaker issue, so I just decided to relax it all off, plane rides, a days work, and good food. Not much TV going on in Canada, or at least not enough for me to know. Eventually I just did what I normally would do, fall asleep to YouTube videos. One important side note that I ended up learning sooner rather than later is that in the summer, Canada's experiences a sunset around 10 PM and will rise at about 4 AM. Which is insane, because I had to shut the blinds and turn of all the lights to convince my body that it was time for some sleep. I've heard its the opposite in the winter, which basically means I'm not going up there in the winter.

Ah, those summer nights in Canada...

Next day was more or less the same. Did my work, and dinner was located at an older male colleagues request, a fancy Hooters called Earl's. There a group of 4 colleagues began opening up a bit more and we talked less about work and more about not work. The man who chose the location for dinner has a retarded child. He (not the child) enjoys ABC's Once Upon a Time like I do. My female colleague strokes her ego by watching Jeopardy and has commitment issues with her partner. My boss' kids has a real hard ass for a mom, and also enjoys classical music. The last thing I found out is that I'm too young now to relate to some of the things they talk about. Classic movies and actors. Just seems very dated and it's where the fun of talking stopped being fun because I was just out of the loop. Well at least our waitress was attractive. Again - all free.

After dinner and before we were all going to retire to our separate (free) rooms, my boss invited me to the bar later attached to the hotel. We had already been drinking at dinner, but I guess since the bill was picked up by one of our other colleagues, he still had some extra money left to spend on HIS travel card.

"GAH, this one still has money on it!"

I agreed to join him, and was under the assumption that we would talk more about work. We did. Though a part of me was hoping that he would've taken the initiative to talk about something else... or was that supposed to be my job? Did he invite me out in hopes to talk about something else other than work? The dinner we JUST had proved that we don't have much in common anyway... what an evil ploy. I was confused, ordered 2 tall drinks added to my previous drink at dinner. He had 1 and a margarita (I guess that means it WAS supposed to be casual). Either way, he left me with some sound advice, and really made sure I would take care of myself in the future if I ever had to fly this project - or any other endeavor - solo. All in all it was a pretty relaxing, open heart experience. We retired to our rooms and we left for our flight the next morning. What did I learn from all of this business trip experience? My job is giving me much more responsibilities than I originally thought, and my colleagues have a lot of trust in me. Though I guess that's why they hired me in the first place, no?

I have to get me one of those "global entry" passes that my other colleagues have. Since they travel a lot they opted to apply for this option that pretty much let's them pass security. Well... pass it faster. Someone with long hair on top of facial hair doesn't really do too well with the TSA. Especially with the Canadian TSA.

"Yup, definitely American."

All my colleagues took first class on the way back home. Jerks.

ta ta kids

>_< The Crazy

Have you caught it yet? The crazy? Because lately strange things have been going around thats leading me to believe that something big is gonna happen. I'm sure many of you have already started hearing about these weird people, and I'll break them down for you a little bit later. I just want to over analyze something real quick. The locations of these occurrences are Miami, NJ, and then Canada. So if we're gonna follow some kind of trend here, then the next weird dude should be popping up towards the middle of the US or Canada, assuming we're going in a counter clockwise-ish type direction. Now that I put this whole location thing in words though, I have a feeling that it's not going to happen. But a guy can dream, can't he? Either way, let's get started on this news before something else breaks out. Also, there might be some slight details of these events that could be wrong, you can double check with Google.

So first up is a man, a NAKED man (because these details are important), was shot down by cops in Miami because he was eating someones face. I wish I could just end the paragraph right there because there isn't really much to be said other than that. For the sake of humour though let's go on. Apparently, it was somewhere off the highway, and it involved another man, whom I assume was also naked, who took it like a champ. There are some videos and pictures leaked somewhere and since Google is a thing, I suggest you turn to that if you really want to get your real life zombie fix. What I find amusing is trying to imagine how this whole situation started. I'm thinking, "Hey bro, I totally love that shirt you're wearing, wanna hug it out?" *lick face. "Oh sorry, hey can I try that shirt on?" Then it's pretty much downhill from there.

Like this, but one of them is naked.

When the officers came on by, the man was bear hugging the other dude on the floor, eating his face like a boss. Clearly the first thing to do was fire a shot, right? Well they did just that and guess what happened? The guy GROWLS and KEEPS ON EATING. Mother f@&^#! it's time to run. This is how every Resident Evil game starts out, you know that right? Luckily for our nations finest, they proceed to fire 6ish more shots to the man until he's been... compromised. Dead is what I'm getting at, but assuming he was a zombie it would've been foolish of me to use the term. What happened to the other guy? He's fine. He's just missing 75% of face, nbd.


Just give it a smiley face and you'd be close.

Did I mention that the whole reason for this fiasco is "bath salts?" That's really what they're saying. The whole flesh-face-craving human for breakfast-lunch-dinner thing? Bath salts. I don't know about you, but I don't remember seeing a side efffect for bath salts stating ZOMBIES. It's zombies guys, don't beat around the bush and blame it on drugs. It's zombies. Recently some video footage came out from the attack, and it CONVENIENTLY just covers the whole face eating thing. All you see is two pairs of naked man legs. And really I'd rather just see the other side please.

With that story, let's move on to the next. It's about a guy hailing form Hackensack, NJ. Now apparently there was some call about this man being all "terrifying" in his apartment, and when the cops came rushing on in they found the guy IN A CORNER getting his horror movie on. I'll assume he was rocking back and forth chanting (not singing) nursery rhymes from under his breath. Did I mention he was holding a knife?

This old man... he played murder...

So when the cops took some precautionary steps forward, he began to get a little buck wild. Since we're all about saving lives, they took it upon themselves to start with the pepper spray. Of course it didn't work. Cuz' when you're high on the crazy... nothing works. Except the crazy. It really just only made the guy more crazy, so to retaliate he takes his knife and... well he starts stabbing himself. 50 times. Or more. I wasn't there. I didn't count. I'm just the messenger. So when the cops continued to advance, he drove the crazy to a new level. He's thinking, "oh gosh they're coming I need to throw something at them to keep them back... oh this will work... yea this will definitely work." By the way he threw his organs at them. They had to have been the closest thing to him. Let me tell you all though... that took... GUTS.

YEAAAAAAAAAAAAA!

Also, turns out he's in critical condition in the hospital. Which to me is surprising, because I didn't know you could live through pepper spray, multiple stab wounds, and the lack of intestines in your body. Unless of course if you were a zombie.

The last bit of crazy we have for today comes from our neighbors, Canada. Now usually Canadians are pretty known for being friendly and personable, not really at all hated by society. So where better to hit the crazy than over there? It makes the moose more interesting. The story isn't so bad either. Basically it's just some porn star mailing body parts to random addresses. Not a big deal. I mean if there was something I'd want to receive randomly in MY mail, it'd be a body part. I never get packages.

Just what I wanted.

The biggest buzz that this story is creating is not really where all the body parts are coming from, but why of all people a porn star is doing it (see what I did there?). I mean the guy is a porn star. Luka Rocco Magnotta. Kick ass name, he must be living the dream! Oh, he's a gay porn star? Well, thats good too! If theres one thing this world needs, its a gay porn star murderer zombie. He's a zombie because all he's doing is just sending some snacks out to family. He's one of the good ones.


oh HEYYYYYY... i mean.. BRAAAAAAAINS.

So that's it for the crazy. Don't catch it please. It's mainstream right now, you wanna wait till it dies down so it becomes cool to be crazy. Everyone will be all like "wow, that bitch is like.. 2012 crazy." How bout that? It's catchy. So ease up on the crazy cuz there are still plenty of them walking around. Also, it's never bath salts.

ta ta kids