>_< The Cancer of Instagram

Instagram is a nice little MOBILE social networking site, perfectly designed to get you out of any awkward situation, or a lonely 5 minutes to check your phone so you actually seem busy with things and people you don''t care about. Waiting for friends? INSTAGRAM. Conversation taking too long? INSTAGRAM. Poop? INSTAGRAM. Either way, it's become one of  the normal phone checks in my life, as I've pretty much given up social media in general - but I'm still considering twitter. Only to have something more to check on my phone because I'm so incredibly lonely.

As of recent, Instagram has integrated a teeny bit to your computer, where you can just check profiles and your feed, not so much explore pictures. It's neat I suppose, and as a shameless self plug, you can go ahead and follow my Instagram @blueft00by. Go on, I'll wait here.

It should come to no surprise that there are really stupid people on this site. I'm not talking about people who  just post pictures, but the people who like them and of course, the comments. It's actually not as bad, but there are always little gems that manage to lose more of my faith in humanity. Don't get me wrong, I "like" a lot of pictures. But at least they're actually good pictures. So let's get right down to it. And before you say "if you hate them so much, don't look at it." I wish I could but this cancer is everywhere.

IRL COMICS
There are some people who do this right. Executed in a proper way, without having a a secondary goal in mind. There are also MANY MANY people that do this wrong. As soon as I find some examples, I'll be happy to show you. They're usually on the popular page after school hours for no reason other than a bunch of 10±5 year old babies who don't know any better because they aren't old enough to access their parents computer because 'yay mommy and daddy finally got my an iPhone for my 8th birthday!.' Spoiled brats.

About 90% of these comics are just rehashed versions of popular "jokes" you might have stumbled upon if you've spent more than an hour online before. About 5% are "you're beautiful" type comics and if there's any percent left, it's actual original funny content.

You are a moron.

This joke is ONLY funny when spoken or read. There is no NEED for pictures like this. All you're doing is taking stupid ass pictures of yourself counting, without even having the DECENCY to put pictures of the actual particles in question. You cunt. The worst part is, people eat this shit up like its the first time they ever heard the joke. If it is, then fine, have your life. But I'll be damned if you aren't in high school by now and haven't heard this joke. There are even pictures of the just the joke itself... just in text. Pathetic.

Thanks, faggots.

There are so many variations of this photo on Instagram and all I can picture is how long these pre-evolved versions of the modern douchebag took to take the "best picture" of themselves. These pictures accomplish two things: they fish for compliments from swooning middle school girls, and they annoy the piss out of me.

FEAUX CELEBRITIES
I know twitter has this thing where celebrities are "verified." This is actually a pretty cool feature because there's a sense of wonder about someone we admire kind of living the same way we do. I don't believe that Instagram has this kind of feature, and you know it because there are hundreds of fake celebrity pages out there. Let's take Selena Gomez as an example. Without even looking at my phone I can bet there are accounts that are named: gomezs, selenagomez, theselenagomez, selenag(insert birth year here), selena(insert middle name or middle initial here to make it more believable)gomez, plus many more. What's annoying is that each one of those user names has a handful of people drooling at the fact that they have some connection to their celebrity in question. Granted, one of them might be real, but some accounts have gotten so good at google imaging, even I can't tell them apart. I'm talking to all of you 35 fake members of One Direction.

Where does that leave the hated picture part? If any celebrity had an Instagram account, it would NOT consist of 100 pictures of them in 3rd person. These pictures are sometimes BLATANTLY obvious in that they were probably searched by a 10±5 year old kid learning how to use Google images for the first time (see above). Nor would they ask you to follow anyone else, because let's be honest - they don't care. Also they probably wouldn't have the time of day to post, so 100 pictures wouldn't even be possible unless the account was run by a PR rep. So no, I don't want to see a magazine feed of my favorite celebrity. That's what the rest of the Internet is for. That kind of leads me to my next set...

CELEBRITY FAN ACCOUNTS
See above. What's worse is that there are multiple for every celebrity, and they all more or less have the same set of pictures. Complete waste of space. I think what's more stupid than these accounts are the peopl- sorry kids - who still believe (and actually ask on the comments) that these are the actual celebrities themselves.

PRETTY LITTLE BOYS AND GIRLS
This is really just an age thing. And for legal purposes, I'm not going to try and find examples on Google. It's just a generational thing, you shouldn't be 10 years old holding around an iPhone taking half naked pictures of yourself. Go play outside or something.

DOUBLE TAPPERS
This is probably my most hated thing on Instagram. It's freaking everywhere. It's only aim is to get those "likes" in hopes to get to that ever so coveted popular page for your 15 minutes of fame. I wrote a whole entry on likes and followers, view and subscriptions, sometime last year. Read it here. Let's just go ahead with some examples.

So Stupid

...

These among with many other gems, that are just kind of beat around the bush polls are really whats bringing Instagram down. No one cares if you're still awake, hungry, or over 10 years old. There needs to be some kind of original content filter or something because I'm sick of actually trying to find something interesting on Instagram only to find all this cancer.

I'm not overly sure I've hit all the marks yet. I'll probably make a part 2 soon. SOON.

ta ta kids.