(8:13AM) Why do I do this? This whole blog thing? If you look through the archives, you can clearly see that I had previously only done this about once a month, and then went on super hiatus for gosh knows how long. To be honest, this whole blog is just to keep my typing and essay-type writing on check. It's true that I'm not writing essays on here, but its nice writing every one in awhile especially when you aren't in school. I don't want to be able to lose my ability to convey my thoughts digitally or on paper. I did have a good idea just now. Maybe one day I'll google an essay topic and write an essay on here. Take it really seriously, as if I was being graded. I'd like to see how that turns out. Don't grade me though. For the past 3 years or so, after taking a general requirement of English classes, the only thing I've been writing are lab reports. I always took pride in writing those. Though their structures differ greatly from normal essays, and that I'm sure is fairly obvious. I digress... so yea let's get an essay on here one day, yes?
(9:10AM) One of the worst feelings I get is the feeling when I disappoint someone or some people. Specifically volleyball. When theres a play that needs to be made, or a point that needs to be one, I take some pride, in being an outside hitter, to be able to put the ball down, or to make a place to try and turn whatever slump we're in around. Now this puts a decent amount of pressure on me, and I'm completely fine with that, but sometimes theres a small chance when I take a look at my opposition and I decide, holy crap this guy is WAY to tall for me to hit over. So either I cut it, ot decide to tool it off the block. No big deal. When I can't pull through for my teammates, and especially my setter, I really don't like the feeling. It's funny how I elude to volleyball because there are instances outside of volleyball where I disappoint. Let's not into that though. It's just that it's really hard to come back out of an emotional slump and even though some people can shake it off, I feel like that their disappointment in me just kind of looms in the air. I always try and keep a positive attitude about things, so when the next opportunity comes around I really want to gain back the energy lost. Which in turn makes me a better player in the end. I have no idea how that paragraph turned out. I have a hunch that theres a lot of incoherent phrases just stuck together. Oh well.
(3:04PM) There's been a change in the level of hecticness as of recent, and it really is a shame because I feel that I did have a lot on my mind, but nowhere to type them out on. I'm sure it wasn't too important, but for right now I'm feeling a sense of confusion, frustration, and even some bitterness. My time at this part of the company is slowly coming to a close, and even though I knew this already its becoming more apparent now. I'm not really that important when it comes to this company. People come and go all the time, and they are replaced just as fast as they left. It's a real shame because I've said numerous times here that I truly felt appreciated here. Now that it's all almost over, I'm starting to see what the real world is actually like in terms of a money making business. Hopefully I've made a good enough impact in this place so the next person up at bat can see what kind of legacy I left here. But with every door closed, a new door is open and hopefully I'll be able to start a new life, with a higher pay, and a new floor to work on. I'll fill in all the details when the time comes. All the other negative feelings are just coming from how incredibly slow my office computer is. I hate to say it, but I've become impatient at some of the things my office computer does. It's practically brand new, it shouldn't be operating this slow and yet it moves at a snails pace. It's terrible. I've become so accustomed to fast Internet speeds that anything closer is just a teeny bit aggravating. I like to think of myself a patient person, but this is just ridiculous.
And with that I believe the typing might have to come to a close. I don't have much more time in the workday and I highly doubt I'll get to spend it ranting about anything else that crosses my mind. All I know is that in the coming months my life is going to start speeding up. I do't want to feel like I'm growing up too fast. I still want to enjoy being me. But when is the perfect time to just realize you need to buckle down? I mis shaving someones hand to hold onto as they lead me in the right direction. Almost every choice is starting to become my own. Its thrilling, but I'm starting to get scared.
ta ta kids
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